Hey, stoned, air-headed, and wobbling across the traffic lanes without a license is one way to go through life. Not a way we’d recommend, but there’s always that 5% that doesn’t get the word. Meet Darriean Hess, 2013 Miss Bad Driver for New Hampshire, and a contender for the national title. While the national media ties itself in knots over some asshat’s crime with a shotgun in a Colorado school, here on the Atlantic seaboard this PAR-tay animal outkilled him two-to-one, and put two others in the hospital with life-changing injuries. Outside of the local media, and a few brief blurbs in Boston media (the victims were all Massachusetts residents participating in a charity bicycle race), nobody cares about Darriean Hess, although she’s wishing she hadn’t done it, or at least did it in Massachusetts where the prison doors don’t clang shut for such long stretches of time:

HAMPTON — Darriean Hess, the unlicensed 19-year-old driver who allegedly struck four bicyclists with the car she was driving in September, killing two, could face more than 40 years in prison.

Hess, a Seabrook resident, was indicted on eight charges by a Rockingham County grand jury this month. The charges include allegations she was under the influence of three drugs while driving across the Underwood Bridge connecting Hampton and Seabrook on Sept. 21, crossing the center line and killing two women taking part in a charity bicycle ride.

Hess was indicted on two counts of negligent homicide-DWI, two counts of negligent homicide, two counts of manslaughter and two counts of second-degree assault. The indictments, signed by Senior Assistant Attorney General James T. Boffetti, allege that Hess drove after taking fentanyl, Klonopin and Percocet.

The maximum penalty in the highest charge, manslaughter, is 15 to 30 years incarceration. Negligent homicide-DWI is a Class A felony, with a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison. The negligent homicide and second-degree assault charges are B-level felonies, with maximum penalties of three and a half to seven years in prison.

The charges are related to the deaths of Elise Bouchard, 52, of Danvers, Mass., and Pamela Wells, 60 of South Hamilton, Mass. The other injured bicyclists were Uwe Uhmeyer, 60, of Essex, Mass., and Margo Heigh, 54, of Danvers.

The victims were among about 1,500 bicyclists participating in the 40th annual Granite State Wheelmen Tri-State Seacoast Century ride, which starts and ends at Hampton Beach.

via Hess faces more than 40 years behind bars |

After. Why the long face? She's where she needs to be.

After. Why the long face? She’s where she needs to be.

Guys, she’s cute now, but clearly bat-guano crazy. And she’s not going to be so cute if she gets out at age 69.

Anyway, she has a boyfriend, with whom she used to joke on Facebook about getting screwed up on drugs and driving at triple digit speeds. Same paper, earlier:

Hess, 19, appeared at the District Court in Seabrook on Wednesday, sitting silent and solemn as she was arraigned on two charges of negligent homicide and two charges of second-degree assault. Her image stood in stark contrast to photos posted on her Facebook page portraying a smiling teenager who often spent time hanging out with friends.

In those posts, Hess also talked about excessive speeding, drug possession and a disregard for the law. Her Facebook account was deactivated shortly after the fatal crash, but the Portsmouth Herald obtained screenshots of the page’s public content.

One status indicates she and her fiance, Scott Martin, 19, were pulled over for speeding and received a $150 fine in January.

The “before” picture at the top of this article is from her facebook page.

“The cop said he was doing 80 and we flew by him doing like 100 (laughing my a** off),” she wrote. In a comment, she adds, “did I mention the oz in the glovebox?”

Someone else commented, wondering whether “oz” referred to a 40-ounce beer.

“No, I meant like ounce lol and no not beer silly,” she wrote back.

She continues to say: “I am deff surprised that this didn’t happen sooner though it rediculouse (sic) Scotty will be flying down the highway doing 110 and I won’t realize until I look at the speed thing…;” At that point, she says, she’ll tell him to slow down, but “10 mins later will be going just as fast (shaking my head) lol.”

Martin chimes in, saying, “I like speed what can I say?” He continues: “I honestly think I’d be a good racer. I get up to 120 in my stock Civic with ease and drive with perfection at that speed. It’s all about being calm and staying in control.”

“I honestly think I’d be a good racer.” That’s this gal’s boyfriend, but we’re pretty confident when we say: “No, you wouldn’t.” It requires self-discipline.

Martin was charged by Hampton police on Thursday with a violation-level offense of allowing an improper person to drive a motor vehicle. The 2002 Honda Civic Hess had been driving is registered to Martin.

Hess was doubling the speed limit when she lost control of Martin’s Civic and rammed into a line of bicycle racers who were at that moment going in single file. Two, Pamela Wells and Elise Bouchard, were killed, and two others, Uwe Uhlmeyer and Margo Heigh, seriously injured.

She had been pulled over and ticketed in the exact same location that morning. Because she didn’t have a license, she needed someone else to pick her up… the person she called was apparently her drug dealer. She took drugs and then drove back to the same place, with the above results.

This entry was posted in Don’t be THAT guy, Lord Love a Duck, When Guns Are Outlawed… on by Hognose.

About Hognose

Former Special Forces 11B2S, later 18B, weapons man. (Also served in intelligence and operations jobs in SF).

5 thoughts on “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have cars


Murder shouldn’t be gauged by the weapon you use. It ought to be gauged strictly by the effect.

But, kill someone with a gun the way a drunk or just bad driver does, and then compare the sentencing with the driver’s? You’re almost always going to see the driver get a far more lenient sentence than the guy with the gun.

I await the results of that idiot down in Florida who was shooting on a clearly unsafe range, and who managed to kill his neighbor with a shot to the chest. I’d wager that were you to compare that clearly negligent homicide with some idiot who ran someone over in the street, that the driver is going to come off a lot lighter than the shooter.

Which is bullshit. A life is a life, and if you take it, the punishment should be exactly the same, regardless of how you did your killing.

Bill K

Amen to that sentiment, Kirk.

However, all is not lost:

1 Timothy 5:24 “The sins of some men are quite evident, going before them to judgment; for others, their sins follow after.”

Patience, sir. It’ll all work out.

Hognose Post author

One is reminded of the shitheel that walked on vehicular homicide because his attorney said he was the victim of a disease called “affluenza,” meaning he had been raised to believe his wealth meant he could get away with anything. So the courts let him get away with this one.

Of course, you could make the case that anyone who has sufficient brain cells for unaided respiration ought to know that a gun is a hazardous item that must be handled with care. People tend to forget that about their cars (compare the muzzle energy of a 55 grain M193 at ~3300fps with the muzzle energy of a 7000lb. SUV at ~100 fps aka 65-70 mph).

Bill K

And that would be a ratio of 1 to 818, if my math is right.

Bill K

SUV – an NFA weapon? ~30 million Title II destructive devices oughta keep ATF busy for awhile.