Homeland Security is in the Very Best of Hands


What do you do if you’re the federal police? And say, your general jurisdiction, “homeland security,” is mostly nonsense; and your specific jurisdiction, things like borders, immigration, and pursuit of criminal aliens, is unwanted by your Washington lords and masters?

If you’re a senior manager, you cover for your people when they lose what we called in the service, their “sensitive items.” You spend your time on social-justice “diversity” initiatives, and other partisan politics, including promoting partisan gun control groups and initiatives. And you offer your agents, who joined up to lock up bad guys, bread and circuses. The latest circus being the ICE Top Dog dog show.

ITEM: We Don’t Need no Steenking Badges!

Hey, maybe Gold Hat was a DHS agent. (Of course, “We don’t need…” doesn’t come from this movie. But people think it does).

Well, apparently the answer to that is DHS, because starting in Fiscal Year 2013, through the first half of Fiscal 2015, roughly one thousand three hundred DHS badges or credentials came up missing. If you want the approximate breakdown of bozosity, CBP lost 900, ICE lost 300, and USCIS lost 200. A local news site, Complete Colorado, got the records with a FOIA request.

If you want to average it out as a rate, that’ over 500 badge lost every year, over 40 a month.

But the badges are only part of what the agency loses track of: 165 department guns went walkabout in the same period — almost 70 a year, 5 or 6 every month. No word on whether any of the agents who lost their badges lost their guns, too.

The department also loses about 1,000 computers a year.

No word on whether anyone suffered any career consequences, but really, what do you think? People go to work for the government because they know they won’t have to meet standards or be responsible for what they do. Impunity? It’s an entitlement. 

The truth is out there, as some lame TV show said. You know what else is out there? A whole metric crapton of missing badges and guns.

But it thinks it’s doing a great job: it used to lose 300 firearms in about the same period, so losing a gun or two a week, every week, is an improvement. Bonuses all around!

And over the years, they’ve made one small change to their FOIA returns: they deleted the column showing the cost of the lost item. This particular marker of waste is no longer disclosable, which is to say, it is now a state secret.

Homeland Security’s in the very best of hands.

ITEM: Immigration and Customs Enforcement Diversity Initiative

This is what they are doing, instead of operations.

 Sent: Friday, January 15, 2016 4:10 PM
 To: #HSI SAC OFFICES; #HSI Assistant Directors
 Subject: HSI Attendance at Diversity Events (311)
At the request of Assistant Director Dennis A. Ulrich, Domestic Operations, Homeland Security Investigations (HSI), the following message is being sent to all Assistant Directors and Special Agents in Charge. Please disseminate to all appropriate personnel.
The Office of Diversity and Civil Rights is in the process of preparing event packages for diversity related events.  The event approval process takes several months, and ICE is committed to preparing the packages well in advance to hopefully avoid approval delays.  For FY16, each HSI SAC and AD will be able to nominate two employees for attendance at an approved diversity event.  Travel for your two employees will be covered by a Headquarters centralized budget, and registration fees will be covered by your office purchase card.  HSI will focus on diversity events that have a law enforcement focus.  The list of approved events are as follows:
Diversity EventDatesLocationWebsite
National Latin Peace Officers Association (NLPOA)May 15 – 28, 2015Milwaukee, WI  http://www.nlpoamilwaukee.org/  
National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Officers (NOBLE)July 16 – 21, 2016Washington, DChttp://noblenational.org/2016_washington_dc_conference.aspx
Women in Federal Law Enforcement (WIFLE)July 18-22, 2016Reston, VAhttp://www.wifle.org/leadershiptraining2016/index.htm
National Organization of Black Women in Law Enforcement (NOBWLE)August 17 – 20, 2016TBDhttp://www.nobwlenational.org/events2.html
ICE Hispanic Agents Association (HAA)TBDTBDhttp://www.icehaa.org/
National Asian Peace Officers Association (NAPOA)August 15 – 18, 2016New York, NYhttp://napoablue.org/
National Native American Law Enforcement Association(NNALEA)September 22-24, 2016TBDhttp://nnalea.org/wordpress1/
Hispanic American Police Command Officers Association (HAPCOA)November 16 – 20, 2016TBDhttp://hapcoa.org/
Asian American Law Enforcement Association (HAPCAO)TBDTBDhttp://www.aalea.org/events-3/
Each HSI Assistant Director and SAC are requested to provide two nominees and the diversity event he or she wishes to attend to HSI OPS Tasking at[email protected]no later than 12:00pm EST,  Wednesday, January 20, 2016.   The following information is requested:
  • Nominee name, office location, email address, and diversity event he/she would like to attend.
Please note that all diversity events will require approval at the ICE or Department level depending on the number of proposed attendees.  As a result,please DO NOT register any employee for an event until final approval is received.  Nominated employees will be contacted directly with a travel string once events are approved.

Many of the diversity-racket sponsors have integrated their messaging with The Party and the Bloomberg anti-gun groups. For example, the Hispanic American Police Command Officers Association (HAPCOA) displays the following banner:


In other words, these are not apolitical groups intended to advance minority law officers; they’re partisan political groups and the HSI agents (and ERO officers, and CBP agents, etc. etc.) sent to these meetings are all part of the Party’s election-year messaging efforts.

Diversity! Diversity! Diversity is our Vibrancy!

Repeat as needed.

Homeland Security is in the very best of hands.

Item: The ICE Top Dog Contest.

You may recall, we’ve mentioned this before. As you might expect, most of the contestants are the Pekingese and Pomeranians of the headquarters staffers — the lapdogs’ lapdogs, if you will. But a few of the entries seem to personify the spirit of the line-dog 1811s, like amorous ol’ Bubba here:


Yes, Bubba is a real, ranked entry in the competition. You can see some more entries in this partial dump.


Actually, we could probably tie Sarah Saldanadanna in knots by sending in an anonymous tip that the Top Dog contest is haram because dogs are najis, unclean. She has offended against Islam!

If it were presented right, she just might behead herself.

Homeland Security? It’s in the very best of hands paws. This entry was posted in Don’t be THAT guy, Lord Love a Duck on January 29, 2016 by Hognose.

About Hognose

Former Special Forces 11B2S, later 18B, weapons man. (Also served in intelligence and operations jobs in SF).

10 thoughts on “Homeland Security is in the Very Best of Hands”

Jim Scrummy January 29, 2016 at 11:28

Hey, does anyone feel safer that DHS is on the job? ? Thought so. Rome on the Potomac, minus good pizza.Cap’n Mike January 29, 2016 at 12:46

What used to be called Racism is now called Diversity.Tom Stone January 29, 2016 at 12:48

Is the “Vibrancy” solar powered or does it require batteries?ToastieTheCoastie January 29, 2016 at 13:10

A friend is stuck as an admiral’s aide at USCG HQ doing diversity stuff, including studying integrating trannies into the fleet. I joke that he must have killed someone in a past life.

It would be interesting to know how many of those pieces were lost by the CG… very few I’d hope.Hognose Post author January 29, 2016 at 13:50

The link (Colorado something) has got a spreadsheet by agency, sortable and searchable. USCG reported two SIG 229s (one with “12 rounds”) and one Remington 870. No instances of “M4” “carbine” or “rifle” but I didn’t search by NSN, and see the note below. Lots of optics and computers and cameras including a badging/ID system. I suspect a lot of it is stuff thrown out and not documented (old computers) or insider thefts that don’t show up until a change of command inventory. Two things that jumped out were “USCGC Walnut capsized” in 2014, and this entry:


If I read that right, somebody dropped his Mk18 carbine in the drink. Wonder how deep it is there?

And will the Coast Guard sign Lloyd’s Open Form?joshua January 29, 2016 at 14:07

depth there is roughly 300 feetToastieTheCoastie January 29, 2016 at 14:38

Depends how deep the water it was dropped in was as far as salvage goes. Had Google Lloyd’s Open Form, learn something new everyday.

Considering the CG is 20% of the DHS, that’s not too bad for weapons losses, although it should be 0.Alan Ward January 29, 2016 at 13:56

I’m totally stealing “approximation of bozosity”.

As for being in good hands…I’ve been a YUGE fan of DHS since our first trip south after 9/11.(summer 2003)

Minivan full of self, Chinese wife, motherinlaw, and three little preteens pulls into a CPB station at a Saskatckewan/ND border crossing. What follows is 45 minutes of questioning of self and spouse coupled with complete unloading of back of minivan by self while the three overlords watched. After seeing several suitcases full of clothes for the three week trip to Philly and back, I was told “ok, I guess you are clear to proceed!”

They haven’t done much to change my impression since. It used to be that the pains in the posterior were the Canada Customs a$$hats.guy January 29, 2016 at 14:27

Impunity? It’s an entitlement.

“Like I said, you know, i-it’s part of the business. I-it’s considered leakage”.Aesop January 29, 2016 at 21:31