Eh. From Jeh.

department-of-homeland-security-mrap-dhs-ndaa-hb347-totalita-politics-1334409716What kind of knucklehead names his or her kid “Jeh?” Must definitely be a knucklehead to reckon with, considering what a knucklehead Jeh himself is. Does he have kids? We hope it stops there, because, like Oliver Wendell Holmes’s 8-to-1 decision famously said, “Three generations of imbeciles is enough.”

Anyway, this came in over the transom from the Secretary of DHS, and we’ll post it unedited:

February 26, 2015

Dear Colleagues:

I write with the latest update on the efforts in Congress to pass an appropriations bill for our Department.

Yesterday the Senate agreed to proceed to debate on a clean appropriations bill, without any amendments to defund our executive actions.  This is good news.  We do not know when the Senate will actually vote on this bill and pass it over to the House.  Nor do we know what will happen to the bill once it reaches the House, but bipartisan support in the House for a clean appropriations bill seems to be building.  The timeline for these legislative actions is uncertain.

I remain optimistic that Congress will not let our funding lapse past midnight tomorrow night, though, as you know, we are planning and preparing for that possibility.

I continue to fight for our funding, and to inform the public and Congress about the consequences of a shutdown of the Department of Homeland Security.  Yesterday I spent much of the day on Capitol Hill.  Yesterday we were also honored that former Secretaries Ridge and Chertoff stood with me at a press conference to urge passage of a clean appropriations bill for the Department. Today we hold another press conference with representatives of law enforcement from across the Nation, to highlight the impact to public safety if we do not have funding.

Stay tuned for further updates. Again, I remain optimistic.

Jeh Charles Johnson
Secretary of Homeland Security

So there’s the strategy: if they don’t get the money not to enforce the law, they’re gonna show us, by not enforcing the law.

It’s nice to see Michael Chertoff is joining him. Chertoff, the vainest DHS secretary to date, spent his entire term empire building and setting up corrupt deals to line his pockets. For example, he mandated full-body scanners from the British Rapescan company for American airports, and after “retiring” from DHS turned into a complete shill for Rapescan. Why? Well, it turns out, he was working for Rapescan. Cha-chingg.

Tom Ridge has, likewise, made himself filthy rich with rewards and backscratching from the backs he scratched when head of DHS. He literally invested in companies that were before him asking for contracts.

What’s Jeh Johnson doing, playing the token black guy with these two blackguards? That’s an easy answer: lining up the cha-chingg and bling for his own post-DHS life. It might not be as spectacular as, say, Chertoff’s self-dealing, but then nobody thinks Johnson is as bright or cunning as Chertoff.

As crooked? That, yeah.

Update

Since we (and Rasta Jeh-mon) penned these words, a Democrat-Republican food fight over amnesty funding was temporarily patched over with a one-week stopgap funding bill, letting Jeh and his army of Nebraska Avenue drones to still collect their $200k plus paychecks, and the TSA avoid interruption of their important duties: groping children and pilfering from luggage.

Update II

DHS has posted its “shutdown plan,” and it’s (inadvertent) comedy gold. For one thing, when it’s done “shutting down,” only 90% of its employees will still be working. Including almost all of those in the agencies that, under Johnson, have been largely forbidden to do their statutory jobs, like CBP and ICE. (The only LE org taking a big hit is the US Marshals Service, which has actually been allowed to arrest fugitives, as long as they’re not illegal aliens, up to now). While none of it is deliberate, there’s more entertainment value in this crap than anything we’re likely to write for the rest of the day:

http://www.dhs.gov/sites/default/files/publications/dhs-lapse-contingency-plan-02-27-2015_0.pdf

12 thoughts on “Eh. From Jeh.

  1. Gray

    The very essence of “Homeland” as a name for them has a very “Fatherland/Motherland” brutish feel to it.

    I thought that when they named it, and still do.

  2. Jim

    I work as a 287(g) type for my agency, and we’ve all been pulling our hair out, as each internal memo leaves us more hamstrung than the last. professionalism is something that as a former NCO and a current peace officer, I’m big into; but this group……I swear, I can’t tell if they plan this stuff out or if they make it up as they go.

    the ICE officers I work with are ok, and to a man (woman) they are just as frustrated as us. but the….I’m sorry, I can’t quite manage to choke out the word leadership here…seems to be totally, completely oblivious to reality. alarmingly so. worse, when the good guys at our level bring up honest questions and challenges to the implementation of these asinine policies, they are given responses that are either overly vague to confuse lawyers, or are given answers that are some variation on the theme of “do it anyway” regardless of the type of challenge or question given. even when it arises out of federal judges saying “stop it.” worse, it’s also been made apparent to me that each and every single supervisor has their own opinions and directions, which often overlap and counter each other. and they refuse to get on the same page.

    drives me nuts.

  3. Chris

    I may be wrong, but I thought MRAP stood for “Mine Resistant Ambush Protected” – not what the included picture states…

    1. Hognose Post author

      You’re right. I don’t think the guy who decorated the image (which we strong-armed from a feebly-protesting Internet) was too up on these things.

  4. Andy

    We don’t need DHS any longer , they aren’t watching outside our nation for terroristic threats against us , they are now watching the citizens of this nation who do not like or go along with the decisions that the current administration decides , most of the information that has stopped problems from happening have come from other sources inside the government , DHS is just another step toward tyranny , compared to the SA of Nazi Germany , they are the group that ” took care ” of the folks that spoke out against the Nazi’s . I feel that whatever funding that would have gone to DHS should go to the crime fighting agencies of the government , except the BATFE , this agency should be taken in by the FBI , or given to local law enforcement as Grants . Be prepared and ready . Keep your powder dry .

  5. Martin S

    “So there’s the strategy: if they don’t get the money not to enforce the law, they’re gonna show us, by not enforcing the law.”

    Is hilarious. And kind of tragic. And the fact that Only 30k out of a quarter of a million personnel gets furloughed.

    1. Hognose Post author

      Indeed. If they’re “non-essential personnel” why do we need them the rest of the time? We don’t. Which is why they’ve changed the term from “non-essential personnel” to some euphemism.

  6. MtTopPatriot

    If I could sum the idiotic contraptions up, I’d say they are special buses for mall ninjas.
    Those hulks are penis extensions for cowards turned traitors to the good people of this republic who provide them through the sweat of their backs the prosperity of exorbitantly well paying jobs.
    They are going to piss off enough people eventually with their hypocrisy and arrogance where their going to need those abominations for protection and not for intimidating those they betray. I can’t see what practical use they serve beyond the tyrannical nature of strutting around in them. I wonder if they have seriously thought it through they still have to get out of the abominations. The damn things are not only bullet magnets, they are an insult to every concept of civility which is the corner stone of our society, warts and all.

  7. Chris

    I like to look at some of these things with an eye towards counter-measures. Most things don’t like fire, and with rubber tires like those, I’m sure it wouldn’t either. I have heard from people that have ridden in them that they are also very top-heavy and this leads to accidents other than from people who wish the inhabitants ill-will (such as poor drivers of the behemoth itself). These may be great out on the open plains, but in a city where things can be dropped on them, maybe not so much. Love the gun holes in the sides though, definitely reminds me of the Kelsey Grammer/Cary Elwes movie “The Pentagon Wars” about the Bradley IFV – if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

    1. Martin S

      Pentagon wars is brilliant.Wonder when the F35 one comes out.

      You should ask british northern Ireland vets about rhings being dropped on vehicles and personnel. Bags of shit and bottles of piss being the least worrisome, toilets, stoves and brick filled fridges make for awesome Air to ground munitions. There was some particularly notorious apartment building known for it, cant remember the name of the place.

  8. Chris

    Guess MRAPs are considered “legacy” equipment now – well, as of a year ago anyway:

    http://www.policeone.com/police-products/vehicles/specialty/articles/6735349-The-hidden-hazards-of-MRAPs/

    Definitely don’t want to be the guy in the cupola when there’s a brick-laden fridge coming down! Makes me wonder how well armored the tops of these things are. Having a giant hole (open turret) in the top can’t make the structure stronger…

    A brick weighs approximately 4lbs., so if we put 200 in a fridge, that’s 800lbs., plus the fridge itself, so let’s say 1000lbs – wonder if that would put a nice dent in the top of one of these things (dependent upon the height it was dropped from of course) – or it just might make tomato soup out of anyone inside.

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