When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Pussies
Cats, of course. What did you think we meant? A couple of dotty old Wisconsinites called 911 to report that they were bring held captive by .. their own moggy.
“This is gonna sound like a strange question,” the lady told the dispatcher. (That phrase is usually the dispatcher’s green light to relax: whatever’s being called in, it’s not murder, mayhem or mopery with intent to lurk). Yep, it’s a strange question.
A Greenfield, Wisconsin couple apparently thought only the police could rescue them from a hostage situation.
Except the hostage taker wasn’t an armed robber, but rather the family feline.
“This is gonna sound like a strange question but we have a cat and it’s going crazy and it attacked my husband and we’re kind of hostage in our house and we’re just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat or help us,” the woman told the 911 operator, CBS 58 reports.
Funny thing — the story doesn’t make it clear who did it, but the CBS 58 story they linked to drops into the passive voice to say:
Kevin was a former Special Forces weapons man (MOS 18B, before the 18 series, 11B with Skill Qualification Indicator of S). His focus was on weapons: their history, effects and employment. He started WeaponsMan.com in 2011 and operated it until he passed away in 2017. His work is being preserved here at the request of his family.
12 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Pussies”
Nobody thought to wear a jacket and gloves? Or a blanket for god’s sake? Or if you’re going to wage a kitty-COIN operation, a few cans of tuna or cups of yogurt usually goes a long way. Or even better, a laser pointer?
Heh, Greenfield (north from me) isn’t the biggest burg in the census book by any stretch. This will be one of those “so & so trapped by their cat” barbershop stories for generations to come. Come to think of it, I’d better check to see if that wasn’t one of the wife’s relations on her mother’s side…
I’m sure that the couple soon returned to their ‘safe space’ and were finally
able to feel comfortable again.
A) grab cat firmly by tail.
B) swing like shot-putter
C) release
D) bury cat
Problem solved
Size 12 boot, use as directed. Repeat if necessary.
Cat bites are no joke. I know someone who sent 6 months taking antibiotics IV after being bitten on the thumb. They kept their hand ( It was a near thing) but permanently lost function in their thumb.
This after immediately rinsing with hydrogen peroxide and getting to the ER within 30 minutes.
My parents have a 25lb Maine Coon mixed breed cat. Not an ounce of fat, just long lean muscle. He literally looks like a tiger, and in his prime he would fight (and kill) the coons and possums that went after his cat food.
That’s the only domesticated cat that I can think of that I would have even the slightest bit of fear of… And that’s only if it was pitch black and I was stark naked with nothing in my hands to ward that cat off.
Sounds like some of the people I work with.
Cats get into all sorts of rabies carriers. Lacking a means to dispatch the unbreasonable kitty at a distance, getting someone else who could do so was prudent. But I bet a super soaker would have discouraged Mr. [Mrs?] Cattus.
It’s been said before, but if dogs were ten times their size, we’d be okay, though frequently drenched from head to toe with big canine slobber. But if cats were ten times their size, we’d be yesterday’s footnote in the litter box.
Counting down from nine to zero can be done very quickly…..
>Or even better, a laser pointer?
Especially a multi-kilowatt laser pointer.
>Cat bites are no joke.
Yep. Cat bites tend to cause puncture wounds, are always considered at high risk for infection, and treated prophylactically with moderately big-gun antibiotics (e.g. Augmentin).
My suggested response for the firearm deprived, or those who don’t care for the thought of feline blood and fur on the white shag carpet?
Carbon dioxide fire extinguisher. Gives the term *putting the cat out* a whole new level of meaning. And also useful in the event of a snake visitation or, oh yeah, kitchen fires.