When the satanic forces of Bloomberg want to wave the bloody shirt, they talk about “gun violence,” and wave their hands, and use examples that make you think they’re talking about murders of innocents, but numbers that encompass a much wider range. They’re not, of course, willing to use homicide numbers, particularly not the numbers of homicides of non-criminals, a number which is small and declining. They throw everything in: intramural drug homicides, justifiable homicides by citizens and police (they have called the Boston Marathon Bombers, both shot by cops, one fatally, “victims of gun violence,” and read the name of the dead one at a prayer vigil, the heathens), and especially suicides, because there are so very many of them.

Nothing is more tragic and inexplicable to the nonsuicidal majority, than a fellow human being’s deliberate self-destruction. The person is often one that was well-loved and is truly missed. To dismiss such a death as “gun violence,” as if the gun were the key to the whole damnable mystery, is to demean and belittle it, but what do you expect from Shannon “40” Watts and her heartless, soulless, bloodless, power-hungry followers?

One needs no gun to slay himself. Nations lacking a gun market and a gun culture still have suicides, some of them, like Japan, at a higher rate by far than the USA. Even Americans, with the fabled “easy access to guns,” still opt to leap from bridges, take pills or inject drugs, slit wrists, slam vehicles into trees, stick their heads in ovens (true, this is mostly Sylvia Plath fans, a crushing loss to MFA Writing programs), and hang themselves.

Like this poor, tragic, lost soul:

A man’s body was found hanging from an exit sign pole on the Cross Island Parkway in Queens early Wednesday, shocking passing drivers.

John Rynne, 57, was found hanging from a traffic advisory board at Exit 31 in Bayside, police sources said. Cops are investigating the case as a suicide.

“Just saw a dead guy hanging from the exit sign of the Cross Island Pkwy ??????????,” Fernando Diaz wrote on Twitter.

Angelo Russello also took to Twitter about the grisly sight.

“Just saw someone that hung himself off the exit sign on the Cross Island right passed Northern Blvd … crazy,” Russello wrote.

via Man’s body found hanging from exit sign on Queens parkway – NY Daily News.

When he hung himself, whatever dark visions troubled the suicide’s mind, it probably wasn’t that commuters would be Tweeting his demise on their way in to work.

It probably wasn’t that some new-on-the-job slob from the ME’s office or the NYPD has to go up there and lower his dead body down with more dignity than the suicide treated it himself, when he was alive. And that cop goes home to Staten Island or wherever, and, “How was work today?” the family asks. “Oh, the usual.” He ain’t gonna tell ’em this one.

It probably wasn’t that, by not shooting himself, the suicide was disappointing the heartless, soulless, bloodless Shannon Watts by depriving her of a “gun violence” counter?

Of course, given the demonstrated integrity of the Bloomberg operation anyway, they may just count him anyway, the poor bastard.

Courageous action by bystanders and first aid from a passing priest saved the live of Francesco Bove, 62, after he was mauled by two vicious pit bulls. The dogs, named T.I. and Runt-Runt, have been raised by owner Cynthia Oliver on raw meat, and have a reputation as vicious and aggressive. Before attacking Bove. T.I. and Runt-Runt had killed three other neighborhood dogs — one by pulling him apart from opposite ends. Now they’re on Death Row at the Animal Care Centers of NY and will be evaluated for rabies (which requires a ten-day wait). At the end of that period, they’ll probably be put down.

The Rev. Jonathan Morris of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church ripped off his shirt in an effort to stop the bleeding from Francesco Bove’s numerous wounds on his arms and head after the two vicious dogs attacked Friday.

“He was dying. Blood was all over his face,” said Morris.

“He was passing out. He said, ‘I see stars, tell me what I should do?’ I told him ‘I’ll give you last rites as long as you promise to fight.’”

Morris recalled rushing the bloodied and terrified victim into the church to escape the beasts.

“It was like a pack of wolves. The dogs were looking for blood,” Morris said.

Fortunately, Bove’s fear he was dying was unfounded. The 62-year-old was being treated at St. Barnabas Hospital for his many injuries. The dogs bit off nearly all of his right ear.

via Bronx pit bulls that mauled man killed other dogs: neighbor – NY Daily News.

Oliver, who tried her best to pull the dogs off Bove but simply isn’t strong enough, is charged with eight counts of assault and two counts of reckless endangerment.

There is such a thing as a bad dog, just as there is such a thing as a bad human being. But there’s usually a human or two responsible, when a dog goes bad. Not that you can do much about it when it gets this bad: you just have to put down the dog.

On the right: Kasia Rivera, 38, an illegal alien, purportedly from Jamaica. What’d she do? You gotta read it to believe it.

A New Jersey woman has pleaded guilty to administering a fatal injection of silicone to a 22-year-old man’s penis.

Kasia Rivera, 38, now reportedly faces five years in state prison for the botched 2011 injection, which left Justin Street of East Orange suffering a silicone embolism one day later.

The fake cosmetologist, who has had no medical training, struck a plea deal with prosecutors to reckless manslaughter charges Tuesday, NJ Advance Media reported.

via New Jersey woman pleads guilty to deadly penis injection – NY Daily News.

Because she’s a frequent flyer in the criminal justice system, she got a discount you wouldn’t get for giving a guy an injection that killed him stone graveyard dead within 24 hours.

Here’s a more detailed version from a local paper (which has many links to earlier stories for further reading, if you’re so inclined):

“You injected the silicone into his penis?” Essex County Assistant Prosecutor William Neafsey asked Rivera during Tuesday’s hearing.

Rivera replied, “Yes.”

In exchange for her guilty plea to reckless manslaughter, prosecutors have agreed to recommend a sentence of five years in state prison. Rivera would have to serve slightly more than four years before becoming eligible for parole.

Weapons-possession charges were also broomed. (Remember, in New Jersey, these malum prohibitum gun/knife/taser laws are only really enforced against non-criminals. They’re always swept away for real troublemakers). So were a half-dozen other silicon injection counts that didn’t end in death. She also didn’t even get charged with jury and witness tampering, even though her pimp showed up offering $5k bribes.

Authorities have said Rivera injected silicone into Street’s penis when he visited her home on Glenwood Avenue in East Orange. The injection shot directly into Street’s bloodstream, shutting down his organs, and he died as a result the following day, authorities said.

A medical examiner later determined Street died from a silicone embolism, and his death was ruled a homicide, authorities said.

Answering questions from her attorney, Olubukola Adetula, Rivera on Tuesday acknowledged she was not trained as a medical doctor and she was neither trained nor licensed to administer the silicone injection.

Excuse us, but is there training and licensing you can get to inject commercial silicone, i.e. sealant or caulking compound, into someone’s Johnson? We find that less believable than Disney’s flying elephant.

Now she’s complaining that she might get deported after serving her token sentence. Awwwwww. Not likely to happen: she was just killing Americans that Americans wouldn’t kill. And about 100% of ERO is assigned to the pope visit or election support, as choggy boys for the Secret Service.

Final tip: if you ever get an idea that you might want to hire someone to inject some fix-a-flat into your reproductive tackle, put down the crack pipe and find yourself a new idea, as quick as you can.

This guy’s story sounds… incomplete. We’ve never heard of an e-cig just going FOOM, but something clearly FOOMed him pretty good.

23-year-old Georgia man was left first-degree burns and a dime-sized hole in the roof of his mouth when an e-cigarette he was smoking suddenly blew up in his face. James Laurias quick smoke break at his workplace in Destin turned into a nightmare that left him in the ICU for a more than a week with first-degree burns to his face and chest and a fractured neck and finger.Lauria, who had to be hooked up to a breathing tube, also suffered burns to his hand and cornea and had his front tooth forced up into his gum as well as damage to a number of his lower teeth.

via James Lauria put in a coma after his e-cigarette EXPLODED in his hand | Daily Mail Online.

While “first degree burns” are nothing to be concerned about, a broken neck is. It’s hard to understand how a vaporizer blew up if it was being used as intended, but a lot of them are not used as intended. Vaporizers are being used as a means for drug delivery for the same reasons that they deliver nicotine to cigarette addicts: they provide a more purified version of the active ingredient to the user, and they’re less offensive (or informative) to third parties.

Mother Jones, which has been known to act as an amplifier for tort lawyers, has been pushing an “e-cigs blow up” Narrative™ for a while. They blame the units’ lithium-ion batteries.

We’ve been asking the media to take the blame for horrible crimes off the gun, and place it where it belongs, but this is ridiculous.

The rage that led gunman Shannon Lamb to kill his girlfriend and a fellow university professor is thought to have been sparked by a spider bite, Daily Mail Online can reveal.

OK, so he committed two murders because he was a jitbag, and because a spider bit him. But we have to believe it was mostly because he was a jitbag.

We mean, a spider bit Peter Parker, a radioactive spider no less, and he never murders anybody. Of course, he is a comic-book character, so maybe he’s not a proper control for this experiment.

Dr. Lamb had become increasingly upset after a spider bite became infected and caused his face to swell, triggering a spate of mental health problems.

We didn’t quite follow that. Is there some known syndrome or sequela where spider bite -> swollen face -> patient goes bat guano crazy and starts whacking his friends and co-workers? No? We didn’t think so.

He became conscious of his bloated cheek, withdrew from work earlier this summer and failed to attend scheduled classes at Delta State University.He was allowed to reduce his hours at the college to seek medical treatment, but became increasingly disillusioned and went into isolation.

Just because the spider was a Brown Recluse, its bite doesn’t give you permission to become one.

Senior police sources said he was tormented and full of anxieties when he wreaked havoc, shooting his girlfriend dead and then hunting down professor Ethan Schmidt.Detectives are working on the theory that the two killings were not linked by motive and that Lamb, 45, may have been jealous of his college colleagues and wrongly felt his standing had been affected in his absence.

Well, his standing has certainly been affected now. As in, “lower than whale scat on the sea floor,” affected.

Daily Mail Online can reveal that in several telephone calls he made to his elderly mother and other relatives, the gunman said he had shot his partner Amy Prentiss, 41, by accident.He claimed he had been trying to shoot himself when she attempted to stop him and the gun went off accidentally, blasting her in the head once. The call was made before he headed to Delta State University in Cleveland and targeted Professor Schmidt, who was a father-of-three.

via Delta State professor Shannon Lamb murdered his girlfriend and colleague after a spider bite left his face swollen and he descened into despair- and claimed partners death was an accident | Daily Mail Online.

One accidental shooting as a botched suicide? Stretches credulity. Two? What could he do for an encore?

Well, kill himself, obviously. So he did.

How rare is that, a professor — one of that obnoxious class that is always ready to dictate to us plebs — going bughouse and committing a bunch of homicides? Why, that never happens.

Uh, except for…

• …the professor of management at the University of Arkansas, Little Rock who shot his two dogs, two female relatives, and himself back in February.

• The psychology professor at University of Idaho, who had multiple personalites, one a “psychopathic killer,” who is known to have killed, four years ago, an ex-girlfriend and himself at least.

• The psychology professor at Millikin University, Decatur, Illinois who in 2013 was discovered  to have been a mass murderer — of his parents and sister  —  in 1967, found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Psychology, huh? Remember how we like to say most people who take up psychology know there’s something wrong in their brain housing group, and they’re trying to self-diagnose? But they can’t all be psychology professors. Are there more?

• Norma Esparza, a professor at Webster University in Geneva, Switzerland, who was arrested in 2013 as part of a conspiracy, “a group that kidnapped Ramirez and hacked him to death with a meat cleaver on April 16, 1995.” She claimed the guy raped her, so she got a lot of “You go, girl” from the press. What was she a professor of? Uh, psychology. After a year or so of brave talk, she admitted her guilt and went to prison.

• Amy Bishop, a biology (not psych!) professor at the University of Alabama — Huntsville, murdered three colleagues and wounded three more in a fit of pique over tenure denial in 2010. She pled guilty in 2012. She had a long history of violent crime, once assaulting a woman in an IHOP over a booster seat, and shooting her brother to death at age 21, a crime for which prosecutors considered charging her after her other convictions (they ultimately decided not to).  She’s also been in solitary in prison for assaulting guards and other inmates.

Moral of story? Guns don’t kill people. Psychology professors kill people!

Ah, yes. The Real Genius of Yout’™ as it is practiced in the National Capital Area.

A Maryland high school student has died after being hit by [a] train as he posed for photographs with his girlfriend. John DeReggi, 16, and Natalie Crim, had visited the picturesque spot next to the train tracks in Boyds, a town about 20 miles north of Washington, on Monday afternoon. The couple posed together as Natalie’s twin sister snapped a beautiful, smiling picture for a school project. Moments later, he was hit and killed by an Amtrak train.

via High school student killed by train as he posed for photos on the tracks with his girlfriend | Daily Mail Online.

Hell of a sacrifice to make for your friend’s school project, if you ask us.

Then there’s this, from the county fire captain:

A train in real life is different than what is often portrayed on TV and in the movies.

Yeah, for one thing, it’s three-dimensional, and its mass and velocity exist in the real world, not as imaginary or illusionary vectors.

A lot of young people have formed a complete model of the world from TV, movies and computer games. Inevitably, there’s some disillusionment when they find that neat mind’s-eye model replaced by the messy graphics and blunt physics of real life.

In some cases, that disillusionment rises to the level of trauma. Q.E.D.

Mind you, this angry, angry, angry fellow wasn’t very good at the whole stranglin’ thing, seeing as he tried it three times and came up short.

But hey, there’s people shoot their shack-up partners three times and don’t kill ’em, so there is that.

A Stevensville man was charged with felony aggravated assault after he allegedly strangled a woman three times during an argument.

Rdee David Brandt, 66, appeared this week before Ravalli County Justice of the Peace Jennifer Ray on the felony charge.

We dunno if this temperamental Montanan’s name is actually Rdee, or if someone at the local paper typo’d

A Ravalli County sheriff’s deputy was called to Brandt’s home on Buck Street in Stevensville at 1:40 p.m. on Sept. 8 for a report of a disturbance.

After reading Brandt his rights, the deputy attempted to interview him, but Brandt just swore at the officer, according to an affidavit filed in the case.

Hey, because everyone knows, mouthing off at cops is the new thing, says the media.

The deputy followed up with an interview of the alleged victim at the Marcus Daly Memorial Hospital emergency room.

The woman said she was moving into Brandt’s home when he became angry with her. The argument lasted about an hour before it turned physical, she said.

Sometimes there are subtle clues when you shouldn’t move in with a guy. Winding up in the emergency department is one of those little hints. Anyone in public safety can tell you that about 95% of the victims of domestic violence have overlooked some pretty blunt hints like that.

The woman said Brandt grabbed her as she was exiting a bedroom, swore at her, and then allegedly put both hands around her throat before shoving her to the ground.

Let’s keep count! That’s Strangle #1.

The woman told the deputy she hit the back of her head when she landed. When she got up off the ground, the affidavit said Brandt pushed her down with his hands on her chest.

Just an assault… not a strangle….

When she pushed back, the affidavit said Brandt allegedly grabbed her by the throat with both hands and took her to the ground again. She told the officer she blacked out for about two minutes.

OK, that’s Strangle #2, with bonus strangulation-to-blackout points.

After getting to her feet again, the woman said she told Brandt and another woman in the home she was going to call the police.

The affidavit said Brandt then allegedly grabbed her by the throat again and took her to the ground while saying he was going to kill her.

Yeah, the best thing to do when someone’s calling the cops is to double down on a couple more felonies! After all, it’s a shame to make them drive all the way out here and have to do all that paperwork without anything good to show for it.

Let us guess… was Judgment Juice involved? Yes, but not the way you might think:

The deputy that it was clear the woman had been drinking, but he didn’t see any signs that Brandt had been doing the same. The woman told the deputy that Brandt does not drink.

via Stevensville man charged for alleged strangling.

A domestic violence case is probably the wrong place to learn public policy. Even nations that have a near-zero incidence of homicide and assault (like Norway, excluding immigrants and the weird case of Lars Brevik, for example) still have occasional incidents where someone gets too emotional over a failed relationship and commits violence.

Although it’s almost as dim as people who blame guns, to say the doctor did this. The disease did this. The doctor just missed the disease. It’s probably small consolation to the bereaved parents — and neither is the $5 million of the doctor’s and clinic’s (and their insurers’, so really of all other patients’) money that they and their lawyers divvy up, but the doc didn’t try to harm their child. It was just an error, an oversight, at best.

Parents Lo Vangseng and Nao Vang claim that the death of their daughter in 2011 could have been prevented if she had been adequately diagnosed and treated by Dr. Michael Chang at Warren Clinic Inc., a division of the Saint Francis Health System, court records show.

Jurors delivered their judgment Monday after a two-week trial before Tulsa County District Judge Linda Morrissey, court minutes show.

The parents believe that their daughter should have been diagnosed with and treated for Kawasaki disease, the leading cause of acquired heart disease in children, according to the lawsuit.

The fact that the infant was of Asian descent and her sister had developed the disease made her a high-risk patient, the parents’ attorney, David Norton, told the Tulsa World. The disease is known to occur in Asians more frequently than in other ethnicities, and when a sibling has it, the risk goes up significantly, Norton said.

The deceased girl’s 2-year-old sister was previously diagnosed with the disease and, with adequate treatment, is alive and well today, Norton said.

via Warren Clinic and former doctor found negligent in death of 8-month-old; jurors assess damages at $5 million – Tulsa World: Courts.

This is rather typical of the sort of news article that’s a hasty, unquestioning retype of an ambulance chaser’s press release. The “leading cause of acquired heart disease in children” not only has a low incidence (about 10 per 100,000 children <5 in the USA) but a low mortality (1% if untreated).

One feels some sympathy for these parents, and also for the doctor. As usual, in the American system of lawsuit lotto, the only real winners are the lawyers.

Some cretin is charged with using this gunk on his little daughter. Lord love a duck, we don’t even use it on a stopped toilet here at Hog Manor because it’s bad for the septic system.

What can you do with someone who treats a defenseless child worse that you’re willing to treat a concrete tank full of feces and bacteria?

Is there any legitimate answer to that question that does not include capital or corporal (or our favorite, corporal then capital) punishment?

A Massachusetts man charged with trying to kill his sick 7-year-old daughter by poisoning her with drain cleaner has been held on $100,000 bail.

Christopher Conley pleaded not guilty Wednesday in Hampshire Superior Court to charges including attempted murder and assault and battery on a child.

Authorities allege Conley poured Liquid-Plumr into a tube in the child’s belly that connects to the intestine because he wanted to end the chronically ill girl’s pain. She underwent a seven-hour surgery in April to remove two-thirds of her small intestine and part of her bladder.

Prosecutors say the 32-year-old Conley may have been abusing his daughter for years because her medical issues improved when she was in foster care.

Conley’s lawyer says his client “did not hurt his daughter” and statements he gave police were made under extreme stress. The girl remains hospitalized.

via Massachusetts man denies trying to kill 7-year-old daughter using drain cleaner | Fox News.

Naturally, this happened in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts, where (interesting) guns are already outlawed, yet the diverse vibrancy (or maybe it’s vibrant diversity) racks up more murders per annum than the rest of New England combined. The murders would be higher, but the fantastic ER operations at several Boston and Springfield hospitals save them, just like an ER saved this abused child.

Whether what the cops say the guy said he did, is what he really did, or whether the lawyer is right, and this guy’s just one more Dindu Nuffin singled out by the evil po-leeces, the Liquid-Plumr got into the kid somehow.

This doesn’t seem like it needs Sherlock Holmes, or even what’s his face with the rules from NCIS. (See, fans, we looked him up. Even if we forgot his name already. “Rule 333-if the kid is full of chemical declogger, she probably didn’t guzzle it for the sake of her sweet tooth.”)

The motive was, it says here, to put the girl out of her misery due to health problems.

For the record, the active ingredients in Liquid-Plumr sodium hydroxide (aka lye) and sodium hypochlorite (aka bleach), both of which are caustic and corrosive. Lye also is highly exothermic on breakdown, enough to cause serious burns on human skin. We can’t imagine a less merciful means of mercy killing than inflicting base burns (like acid burns, but the other end of the pH scale) on a defenseless child’s gastrointestinal tract. As you know if you’ve ever eaten the wrong thing, there’s a lot of nerves in there.

Giving drain declogger orally to any human, let alone a child, is nothing sort of attempted murder, but it also represents another crime, and this one a fully-carried-out one: torturing or inflicting pain and suffering on someone.

We know what the sentence for this should be, but sadly, it hasn’t been carried out since the Middle Ages.

Parties that begin with murdering the guest of honor, and that continue for three days until her body, stuffed in a closet, gets too ripe. Then, they hastily buried the body and resumed partying.

Kyle Starkey, 25, of Ashtabula, Ohio, beat his live-in girlfriend Mandy Gottschalk, 36, to death while Ryan McBride, 20, of North Kingsville witnessed this, and they both partied elsewhere while Gottschalk’s [body] lay hidden in the closet “for as long as a few days,” Ashtabula County Prosecutor Nicholas Iarocci said in a statement.

In a crime that will go unnoticed by the people who think guns cause crime, Ms Gottschalk died of massive, multiple blunt force trauma — what the prosecutor calls the worst beating he has ever seen.

A grand jury indicted Starkey for murder, felonious assault, evidence tampering, gross abuse of a corpse and domestic violence, according to the statement. The panel indicted McBride for evidence tampering and gross abuse of a corpse, Iarocci’s statement said.

How did they miss accessory to murder? Is that not a charge in Ohio?

When the two men returned to the home in this Lake Erie community 60 miles northeast of Cleveland, they removed the body from the closet and Starkey buried it in a shallow grave near the home, Iarocci said.

via Ohio men partied while the body of a beaten woman lay in a closet.

There’s no direct mention of drugs in the story, but it’s implied by the way the writer uses “partied.” Being a reporter these days means bending over backwards to avoid the ultimate sin, judging somebody, even a couple of creeps that beat a woman to death for shits n’ grins.

We don’t have any problem judging people like that. Correction: pathogens like that. Judgment complete and substantially correct.

One suspects that the late Ms Gottschalk was not completely without agency in her own untimely demise. True, you shouldn’t have to die because you’re bad at mate selection, but that is one of the penalties on the table every time. Biology dictates, and chicks do dig bad boys. How’d that work out for Mandy Gottschalk?