When guns are outlawed, only outlaws have machetes

Ah, wastin’ away again in Margaritaville. In the Florida Keys, a bunch of wastrels got into a machete fight, but apparently were too wasted to connect with the machete.

The reason for the upset? The party host ran out of crack at what had been a crack, beer, and valium party. So the irate guests assaulted him. Because, really, is there a greater insult than to be invited to a drug bash with an insufficient supply of the high?

He machete’d-up and assaulted back. All was proceeding as we might have foreseen until some killjoy rang up the Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies found a couple who claimed their neighbor, 53-year-old Antonio Motes-Diaz, had been swinging the machete.

As the investigation continued, the couple admitted they had been drinking beer and smoking crack with Motes before the machete incident, authorities said.

Motes claimed the couple became upset when he ran out of crack and said the woman spat on him and the man, identified as 26-year-old Christopher Stevens, had attacked him, authorities said.

via Crack-Smoking Neighbors Fight With Machete After Crack Runs Out: Deputies | NBC 6 South Florida.

The people in prison are, qualitatively, not like the rest of us. Bear that in mind when reading the next story coming up in a few hours, which has to do with what happens when we do lock ’em up.

Motes was arrested for the assault, using a baseball bat and then a machete, but not for drugs (he’s the guy who ran out of the evidence, triggering the drama). Stevens was busted for drugs.

Without Florida, it would be pure hell to be Jerry Springer’s talent booker.