When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have first dates

Have you ever had a bad date? Look at the bright side: it wasn’t as bad as this one.

When your number’s up, it’s up. Or to put it another way, anything you do can get you killed. Literally anything. Stacia Glenn at the Tacoma (WA) News-Herald:

Pierce County sheriff’s detectives on Monday were trying to sort out the details of a first date that ended early Sunday with a Gig Harbor man dead and his date hospitalized in critical condition.

Investigators believe the 47-year-old Port Orchard woman ran over her date, then crashed his truck 15 feet down a Lakebay embankment.

Because of her medical condition, she had not been interviewed, sheriff’s spokesman Ed Troyer said.

Hang on. Wait till you see what “her medical condition” is.

The Medical Examiner’s Office identified the dead man as Leon Shaw, 53. The News Tribune is not naming the woman because she has not been charged with a crime.

Shaw and his date, who hadn’t known each other more than a few hours, allegedly drank quite a bit Saturday night before visiting the home of one of Shaw’s friends.

While at the house in the 600 block of Cornwall Road, Key Peninsula North, the couple continued drinking.

The woman asked the friend, who was a tattoo artist, to tattoo her chest.

She and the tattoo artist became intimate while she was getting the tattoo, prompting an argument between her and Shaw, Troyer said. The woman allegedly punched Shaw; he reportedly slapped her.

The woman, wearing only a T-shirt, then fled from the house and started up Shaw’s truck, Troyer said. Shaw ran outside to see what his date was doing.

Moments later, Shaw’s friend came outside and found him dead in the driveway, Troyer said.

The woman crashed Shaw’s truck about one-quarter mile away from the home, Troyer said. She was trapped inside the vehicle when first responders arrived.

via Detectives: Gig Harbor man fatally run over by his date | Crime | The News Tribune.

We just don’t know what to say about this, except to note the unsurprising presence of Judgment Juice. And the miraculous presence of a dead guy, despite nobody having a firearm. Unpossible!

7 thoughts on “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have first dates

  1. Aesop

    The only tragedy is that she survived the accident, only managed to take out one of the two guys.
    If all three had gone off a cliff, the average IQ in Pierce County would probably have bobbed a bit higher.

  2. aGrimm

    As for the weapon:
    If a Toyota Hilux like ISIS uses, we could call it a terrorist weapon;
    If a Government Motors truck, we could call it a weapon of ass destruction;
    If a Ford, she wouldn’t have gotten it started and would have had to push it to roll over the victim.

    Aesop: Heh. I see you are familiar with Washington State counties. Might you think like I do that sending them to King County would definitely raise the IQ in that county?

      1. Hognose Post author

        That one’s so old, George-III-period Englishmen probably yukked it up about transporting cons to Georgia and Australia, and the Romans probably laughed about sending rebellious Jews to be galley slaves in the navy in 70 AD.

  3. Stefan van der Borght

    Darn, and he didn’t even get to take her home to meet the folks. Sheesh, what a night. Almost ashamed to be a fellow human after reading this one. Please don’t scrape the barrel quite so deep next time…

Comments are closed.