Flashbang and Speedbump update

A shattered lid from a 6 liter pressure cooker. Part of one of the Marathon bombs. Image: FBI

A shattered lid from a 6 liter pressure cooker. Part of one of the Marathon bombs. Image: FBI

It’s been a while since we looked in on Flashbang and Speedbump, the two brain-dead Chechens who sought fame, fortune and a big body count at the Boston Marathon. (They’ve been frequent subjects here: let us google that for you). Their lame bombs only killed two women and an eight-year-old boy, although they injured hundreds; and they also shot a cop dead, planning to take his gun, but they couldn’t figure out his retention holster. These results can’t make Mohammed smile compared to the body counts his votaries have racked up in Kenya and Pakistan this week, let alone the 166 human sacrifices that Allah demanded and got in Bombay a few years ago.

So Flashbang and Speedbump aren’t, or in Speed’s case weren’t, very good as terrorists. They were kind of clumsy and inept. This is part of what makes them so fascinating to us (and we hope, to you).

Flashbang’s Status

Flashbang is mostly recovered from his wounds, and his case made some procedural moves on the 17th. You can read about them at cryptome (.pdf), but the key take-aways are these:

  1. Next significant meeting will be 12 November. At that point, they still won’t even be doing pretrial motions, yet.
  2. It’s going to be a loooong trial and could be years before it starts.
  3. Flashbang’s lawyers are concerned about the death penalty. That seems to be the goal they have set for themselves: first, take off the table the possibility of putting their little mad dog down. In this, they have a lot of support from the pro-criminal and anti-death-penalty bar. (There is a document by one of these weasels attached to this filing.

Speedbump’s Status

Speedbump, of course, is still keepin’ 72 virgins warm for his little brother. We’re thinking, real warm. We wouldn’t even mention him except for the glee his demise brings.

And a story that keeps trying to break…

It was widely reported back in April that Flashbang, Speedbump, their parents Anzor and Zubeidat, and various other relatives had all been living entirely on welfare. Their cars came from the state. Their college tuition, room and board, and fees: all free. The press reported that they’d received over $100k in cash benefits alone.

Those stories petered out after Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, who consistently defends even welfare fraud as legitimate “redistribution”, insisted that the Tsarnayev’s life on the arm was off limits See, they might be criminal monsters who would kill an eight-year-old (as F&S did) and express glee over it (as Zubeidat has). But they have privacy interests, and their privacy interests trump all.

It’s mere coincidence that the welfare terrorists’ privacy interests align perfectly with the governor’s desire to avoid any avoidable scandal.

Here’s the shoe that hasn’t dropped yet:

The welfare payments didn’t stop. They didn’t stop for Speedbump when the cops shot him and his brother administered an inadvertent coup de grâce with an SUV. His EBT card was still being filled months later — for his wife and children, no doubt. And they didn’t stop for Anzor and Zubeidat when they moved back to Russian Central Asia. They simply gave an out-of-state cousin’s address, and Massachusetts keeps loading their EBT cards.

Fans of welfare, like Governor Patrick, don’t like the idea of it being limited. But one place to start, where almost everyone else will probably agree, is not to make payments to people who preach jihad and are not even in our damned country. 

Could we at least agree on that, everyone but, say, Deval Patrick?

2 thoughts on “Flashbang and Speedbump update

  1. Pingback: Flashbang and Speedbump update | The Gun Feed

  2. Y


    His EBT card was still being filled months later — for his wife and children, no doubt. And they didn’t stop for Anzor and Zubeidat when they moved back to Russian Central Asia. They simply gave an out-of-state cousin’s address, and Massachusetts keeps loading their EBT cards.

    The law’s the law, right?

    I mean, the law is whatever your elected representatives decided it would be, including stupid.
    That’s the basis of democracy. True – US is a republic, and democratic decisions have to be constitutional.
    Isn’t giving out the franchise to anyone with a pulse just wonderful?


    But one place to start, where almost everyone else will probably agree, is not to make payments to people who preach jihad and are not even in our damned country.

    Pray tell how would you decide someone preaches Jihad. The good ‘ol denunciation? NSA intercepts? Newspaper articles? Also, would not taking away benefits from jihad groupies be punishing free expression?

    IIRC, holocaust denial, various forms of Hitleresque spurtings and theoretical Jihadism are all protected under the 1st amendment, right?

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