In New York City, where no one has guns except for every criminal and Mayor Bloomberg’s schutzstaffel, the subway trains are emerging — thanks, in part, to the media’s relentless publicity — as the weapon of choice for homicidal maniacs.

The current suspect, presently uncaught, is a short, fat Hispanic woman who was muttering to herself before she threw an apparent stranger in front of a rushing train. The victim, Indian immigrant Sunado Sen, died instantly. The suspect was stopped by bystanders — just kidding. This is New York City. The bystanders stood by, in classic New York style, as the murderer sauntered out of the station in Queens, and then broke into a run.

Der Bloomführer was defensive and dismissive in an interview with the press. “It’s the safest big transit system in the world….It’s a rare occurrence… you are so much safer here than anyway [sic] else.” Asked about the absence of security or even cameras on the platform, he snapped, “Cameras wouldn’t prevent what happened yesterday.”

Then rushed off somewhere, behind a phalanx and in a scrum of armed guards.

“You’re safer here than anyway [sic]” — Mayor Bloomberg

New York? It may be a hard place, but take heart. At least one man is safe.