It’s been a while, and so it’s time for another Mess of Accidents, in which people go bang unintentionally, go bang in the wrong direction, in the wrong place, into the wrong person (indeed, anybody you shoot without having decided to use deadly force on that person is by definition the wrong person, or in any of a myriad of other ways, used a firearm to pin the tail on the donkey — himself.
Make what you will of the fact that these roundups are almost always all guys, even with more women shooting all the time. Do women use more intelligence? Use fewer and lower dosages of mind-altering substances? Or just not operate firearms with their heads up their fourth point of contact? Requires further research.
Anyway, here’s our shootin’ fools for April. Some of them are crushingly tragic; others are bleakly comical.
Long, Long Ago: The Range Jedi
This is an old YouTube, but it’s still as entertaining as it ever was.
“Seein’ as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and it can blow the acoustic ceiling tiles clean off, you gotta ask yourself one question: do you feel stupid? Well, do ya… punk?”
Lee Paige was not available for comment.
Item 7 April: The Etymology of “Expert”
Not to reprise the last bit of dumbassery, but unless you’ve been under a rock, or relying on WeaponsMan for all your daily news (not recommended… like the Pizza Diet), you’ve probably heard that an NRA pro plugged himself during training at the organization’s Fairfax, VA headquarters’ indoor range.
An employee suffered a minor injury when he accidentally discharged a firearm at the on-site gun range of the National Rifle Association headquarters near Fairfax.
The employee was participating in firearms training at the gun range at 3:30 p.m. Wednesday, according to Fairfax County police.
The man, 46, was holstering a pistol when the firearm discharged. He was taken to the hospital for a minor wound to the lower body.
A friend reminds us that expert comes from ex- , “former”, and spurt, “a drip under pressure.”
We’ll just remind you that beginners often know that they’re beginners, and exercise a salutary caution around deadly firearms. “Experts” get complacent. Don’t get complacent; it can happen to you, and that’s how.
Item 8 April: But He Said It Wasn’t Loaded Dep’t
Teenagers playing with a gun. What could possibly go wrong? Well, this:
[17-year-old Chris] Perez was with several other juveniles at a gathering at a home in the 3900 block of Orchard Drive. Pennsylvania State Police at Fogelsville said several juveniles were involved when a gun went off about 3:40 p.m. Saturday.
Perez’s aunt told The Morning Call that her nephew was hanging out with friends when one pulled out a hunting rifle and started showing it around.
[She] reportedly said the teens were passing the rifle back and forth to one another when her nephew asked if the rifle was loaded, and was told no. He was then somehow shot in the stomach, the aunt told The Morning Call.
Rushed to the hospital after the panicking kids finally called 911, where he died. No charges, at least, not yet.
Neighbors told 69 News WFMZ-TV that they saw a group of kids running back and forth from the home right before police arrived.
Geez, they’re too young to understand that old news doesn’t get better with age, and hiding witnesses or evidence never hides ’em for long.
Item 21 Mar: Stupid Is As Stupid Does
This one’s a lot like the mishap above, only with adults, in Mississippi. Local paper:
Chief Deputy Ward Calhoun said the men were showing each other their guns in the residence and one forgot the check the loaded gun when it was passed back to him. The man didn’t realize the chamber of the gun, which operated similar to a Glock, had been pulled back.
Ah, reporters. Where would we be without them? “The chamber of the gun, which operated similar to a Glock, had been pulled back.” What fresh glockenspiel is this? On the other hand, as annoying as they are, it wasn’t one of them that did this:
When he attempted to pull the trigger to check the gun it went off, accidentally shooting another man in the back.
The guy is expected to recover. No word on how he’s getting along with the back-shootin’ polecat that gunned him down.
And one more thing: perhaps it’s a factor that this event occurred some time after 0200? Color us cynical, but we detect a whiff of Judgment Juice™.
Meanwhile, in Chicongo
HeyJackass.com reports that the criminal contingent hasn’t had a single “selfie” ND… all month. There were two each in January, February and March, and April is still young. And it’s impossible to know if any of the 155 shot and killed and 702 shot and wounded there so far in 2017 were NDs (and yes, these numbers are subject to change — in one direction, anyway).