Thanks Ever So Much… Jody

Consider the important part played in national defense by one often forgotten individual — Jody.

If you served, Jody needs no introduction. He’s the civilian guy who’s got your girl and gone while you were away at the drill faces (pun intended) of the salt mines. If you didn’t know, “Jody” is the much-reviled star of dozens of cadence calls, used to get trainees’ brain stems into sync so that they march in step, and their minds lose any grip on the fact that D&C is training for any of the wars of the eighteenth century.

But that’s the Army for you: centuries of tradition, untainted by progress.

Jody serves a valuable purpose, as hard as that is to bear in mind when you’re trying to talk PV2 Joe Tentpeg into putting down the .45 because Mary Sue Rottencrotch back on the block is not really worth particle-blasting the inside of one’s cranium with gunpowder over.

First, Jody polices up all the untended Mary Sues, keeping the dating market in balance back in Hometown, USA, when the boys run off and join up. He prevents them from suffering the girlish feelings that proceed from separation and loss, and gets them started on the womanly emotions that attend duplicity and backstabbing.

He also provides a great motivator than training NCOs can exploit to keep young soldiers and junior officers in a razor’s-edge state of fighting keenness.

These are some of the reasons that some unknown philanthropist has chosen to honor Jody with his first-ever motivational bumper sticker:

Consider one of Jody’s other accomplishments: he also peels off many unsatisfactory and unworthy former girlfriends and ex-wives, letting soldiers seek superior women, more suited to their higher status.

For all these reasons, considering what-all he’s done for the boys, why, Jody’s practically a veteran himself, by now.

He could even have PTSD from a decade of listening to Mary Sue complain.

And deep down inside, every soldier knows it: Jody? Sucks to be him.

34 thoughts on “Thanks Ever So Much… Jody

  1. Flashy

    Your comment on PV2 Tentpeg reminds me of these lines from Kipling’s The Young British Soldier-

    Now, if you must marry, take care she is old –
    A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest I’m told,
    For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
    Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
    ‘Nough, ‘nough, ‘nough for a soldier . . .

    If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be loath
    To shoot when you catch ’em – you’ll swing, on my oath! –
    Make ‘im take ‘er and keep ‘er: that’s Hell for them both,
    An’ you’re shut o’ the curse of a soldier.
    Curse, curse, curse of a soldier . . .

  2. Aesop

    Jody, the perennial sidekick of Sumdood, serves the same purpose as wolves and hyenas in the wild: to cull the second-class specimens from the herd.

    And given the miniscule percentage of citizens who bother to serve currently, Jody covers a demographic now that’s the envy of rabbits.

    I have no DS/DI verification, but I’m pretty sure Jody is the father’s name missing from literal millions of birth certificates issued to the spawn of welfare mothers from coast to coast.

        1. Trone Abeetin

          It’s all good, some people went to school and paid attention, some didn’t. Hence the monosyllabic replies. Or, as Simple Jack would say , “I ain’t got a good brain”.

  3. Ti

    In BT, thinkin’ about Mary Jo Rottencrotch back home, and then the DI starts in w Jody! They truly know how to break you down……
    Bringing back memories of that hot Alabama summer. Thanks Hognose!

    1. Kenwats

      Tell Sanchito that if he knows what is good for him
      He best go run and hide
      Daddy’s got a new .45

      1. jim h

        “…..and I wont think twice to stick that barrel
        straight down Sancho’s throat
        believe me when I say
        that ive got something for his punk ass….”

  4. AllenH

    The end of the movie Battleground had the men marching to a Jody. Great movie with a great ending.

    1. Aesop

      Called out by none other than former Lieutenant of Marines (Mustang variety) James Whitmore, in his Oscar-nominated and Golden Globe winning second movie role ever, after the part was turned down by Spencer Tracy. Imagine the tragedy if he hadn’t screwed up his knees playing football for Yale, and thus never turned to acting.

          1. Aesop

            I was always partial to THEM!.

            Santa Claus, Marshal Dillon, giant ants, and flamethrowers: what’s not to like?

  5. nick

    Naw,I just drove a Caddilac and treated them like farm animal’s.
    I remember the Corp saying something like “Rape Kill Pillage and Burn” either way Pimpings tough.

  6. redc1c4

    pretty sure they don’t let you even sing the old Jody’s in today’s army…

    and, these days, Jody is as likely to run off with the recruit’s boy friend as he is the girl friend.

    /me hugs his retirement letter

    1. Trone Abeetin

      To my mind, the rage evidenced by Bruce Dern in Coming Home was emblematic of the contempt all men feel for those kind of usurpers. But hey, if you’re the shtupper instead of the schtuppee, its all good.

  7. Bill T

    With the one year rotation (more or less) I knew some guys who played both sides. With the (NEW) sex-giudelines it will get more complicated than ever.

  8. Steve M.

    Considering the current commitment to wholsale whoring in this nation, I’m not sure the “Jody” thing will last much longer. I mean infidelity seems to be the hot ticket item especially with so many people who have never actually practiced restraint.

    Loyality has been dying for while. You can’t keep a fellow or fellette to keep their pants on or their mouth shut. Marriage, like the security clearance, is typically treated as one more thing to exploit later for selfish reasons.

    I really do not like that bumpersticker.

    1. John M.

      Concepts like duty and honor are taking longer to stamp out in the military than in the broader society. I never served, but I suspect that life-or-death situations bring a certain clarity of mind to topics like this that are generally lacking in modern American civilian life.

      Things like duty and honor are among the reasons the Left so despises the military and among the reasons the Obama administration, like the Clinton and Carter administrations before it, targeted .mil for so much social engineering.

      -John M.

  9. Keith

    I’ve already told my lawyer that if my ex want’s a divorce she is paying for it. I’ve spent the last cent I will ever spend on the bitch and her kids when I paid for the separation agreement.

  10. Looserounds.com

    so what’s the military slang jargon for the soldier that cheats on his wife at every post over seas? Or is there a term for that? Obviously there are guys like that , I know at least three of them. This one guy was a marine and he lived with a Filipino GF for a year while over seas and had a wife and 3 kids back home. No idea if his wife is a cheating whore or not.

    This reminds me of that the chapter in Haney’s book about delta force where the other guys tells him the joke about his old Sgt on his last night before retirement and he went out with three of the friends and got drunk and spent 100 bucks. they took him home and stood him at the door m ringed the door bell and jumped in the bushed
    his wife came out and saw he was drunk and asked him how much money he wasted, he said 100 bucks and she replied in anger ” you know how long a 100 dollars would last me !” and he repsonded
    “well you don’t drink, you dont smoke, and you have your own damn pussy, so I guess it would last you about 50 years ”

    at which point the two guys in the hedges bust out laughing.

  11. Mike_C

    Maybe it’s an innocent bumper sticker and this is all a terrible misunderstanding, you cynical bastards.

    ‘Pears to be a woman’s hand (from the nail polish*) holding it. Maybe it’s for a woman who has a woman friend whose husband is in the service. I also have this lovely bridge spanning the East River you may be interested in….

    *but in this day and age, who knows?

    “Is my arm a lady’s lily hand,
    That this Jody dude should lightly me?”

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