Posted as a Public Service

rabid_dogTo all you Offender-Americans out there (yeah, they’re not exactly the demo for this blog. C’est dommage), we, the public-spirited staff of WeaponsMan.com, commend the didactic message linked below.

We, ourselves, never thought of trying to address the criminal element directly. For one thing, they’re not big on reading. But as it turns out, one of our readers and commenters, Aesop, did indeed pen a personal advisory to criminals like the ones he sees handcuffed to bunks and gurneys in his ED at Callous Bastard Hospital, and posted it in his occasionally updated blog in April. And you really just have to read it.

We’ll just take one little snippet from this post. Now is the time to put down your beverages and make sure all fluids are safely downstream:

Two helpful bits of advice:

1) You can run from the cops, you can try to run from the police helicopter, but you cannot run away from the police dog.
Some cops are truly donut magnets, there are some places helicopters can’t fly, but anywhere you can run, a dog can run faster.
He is more agile than Officer Friendly, he cannot be reasoned with, and in 100% of cases, if you’re fleeing when he catches you, he’s gonna bite your ass, multiple times, which hurts a lot.
And then, he’ll get a Scooby Snack for his efforts from Officer Friendly.

You’ve probably noticed that he offered two helpful bits of advice. Well, to see the second one, you’re going to have to go Read The Whole Thing™.

And he’s not even done explaining why you don’t want to tangle with Officer K9.

23 thoughts on “Posted as a Public Service

  1. BillC

    I needed a good laugh after a work meeting that ran too long concerning a new law that was arbitrarily pushed through b/c of the Obama Administration.

  2. Air

    “To all you Offender-Americans out there (yeah, they’re not exactly the demo for this blog…)
    With all the new sensible gun laws coming our way, we’re gonna be.

  3. Aesop

    I’m a giver like that. If it saves one visit

    And now, for my sins, I’m at a county trauma plus receiving facility/jail ward hospital that doesn’t get some of the local inmates, we get all of them, city, county, and state prison inmates from the local branch of same.

    I only wish I’d started keeping a story diary 15 years earlier. I could retire on the royalties from scripts.

  4. LCpl Martinez

    I heard when these Belgian K-9s come out, and they have to put in work, ie. sniffing perps out or chasing them, their handlers will always give them a chance to bite, even if the perp has “surrendered”, reason being is that the Belgians won’t be motivated in the next go round, if no bite—- I guess not getting a bite, is akin to getting blue balls, and screws with the dog’s psyche. LOL!

  5. James F.

    Does anyone have EITHER any helpful tips on dealing with attacking dogs, OR interesting stories about being casevaced as a result of a dog bite?

    1. RSR

      Believe the editor here posted something not too long back about being able to defeat one dog, but not two…

      1. Hognose Post author

        Fighting a dog is like knife fighting. You have to be psychologically prepared to bleed. A dog can cause pain at four points, teeth and claws, but only the teeth can kill you. So you have to ignore everything but the teeth and the neck.

        Neck is how you win. Choke out the dog. It is considerably harder than choking out a human, but stick with it and you’ll win. Your option then to send Fido to Slumberland or doggy Niffelheim.

  6. Y.

    So how do you deal with an attack mutt? I’ve heard that the trick is to tie a lot of cloth around your non-dominant arm, get the mutt to bite into that and then keep stabbing it. Or are they smart enough to not fall for that?

    1. RSR

      I was taught, probably antiquated methods these days btw, give them whatever forearm they’ll take, put the opposite arm at the base of the neck and push the bitten arm back until the neck breaks… Haven’t had need to test and god forbid I do, but that’s my plan…
      Granted, resigning oneself to dog bite puncture wounds (and infection, muscle damage, etc, afterwards — or rabies) is not the best option if armed with anything other than hands, including improvised weapons, but it is a plan…

      Am curious about what others plan to do in this scenario…

  7. Cap'n Mike

    A bit of advice to those of you on the thin blue line that my brother the K9 guy told me.

    They train K9s with bite suits, and the guy they love to bite in the bite suit is always a cop.
    Whether its the smell of gun oil, pepper spray, the leather duty belt, or maybe all the coffee and donuts, whatever it is, the guy in the bite suit smells like a cop.
    Dogs dont recognize uniforms.
    When the K9 guy says he is letting the dog go, get the hell out of the way.
    If the dog has a choice between biting the bad guy and bitting a cop, the dog will pick the cop every time.

    1. Hognose Post author

      Reminiscent of the story of the Soviet “dog mines.” They trained dogs to run under tanks, and put a wooden box with a mine and a tilt-rod on their backs. First time they released them in combat… the dogs ran under the familiar-smelling, diesel-powered Russian tanks.

      Me, I’d probably be conquered by the Nazis before I did that to a dog.

      1. RSR

        That’s pretty atrocious, but when you look at the Soviet policies both pre, during, and post-war, they didn’t have a lot of respect for human life, so the same/similar for dogs should come as no surprise…

        Also, hasn’t the US navy been trying to do something similar with dolphins for awhile now?

        1. Hognose Post author

          The USN did some cool stuff with marine mammals but I don’t believe any of the TTPs ever required the sacrifice of the critter.

  8. Nynemillameetuh

    Meh, never trusted anyone with an attack dog. Officer Johnson with the German Shepherd and Tyrone with the Pitbull are separated only by their respective pensions. I feel for any human resisting canine assaults.

  9. Mike_C

    >To all you Offender-Americans out there (yeah, they’re not exactly the demo for this blog […])
    Oh yes, we are. Maura (Heil!) Healey has turned some unknown number of otherwise law-abiding Massachusetts residents into criminals with her dubious and ill-defined diktat.

    As to dangerous Massachusetts assault dogs, the Essex County Sheriff’s Department put on a demonstration at the Topsfield Fair* (in MA) yesterday.
    >their handlers will always give them a chance to bite
    The MC said that post-training, they always give the dog the bite sleeve and let him worry at it for a little while, essentially for encouragement/motivation purposes. “Always let the dog think he won.”

    *Topsfield Fair: annual agricultural fair in northeastern Massachusetts, since 1820. Going on right now (Sep 30 – Oct 10, 2016). Go see the farm animals, prize-winning fruits and vegetables, flowers, and crafts. Take the kids to see the chick hatchery and admire all the different varieties of chickens and bunnies. Eat bad-for-you fair food and try your hand at “games of skill”. Personally I’d stay away from the dubious and rickety looking rides, but that’s just me. Gotta be something wrong with a person who doesn’t like an ag fair.

    1. RSR

      Why do cops think it’s a good idea to don a uniform that’s a modern manifestation of a jackboot thug, especially for a public engagement demonstration like this?

  10. Tierlieb

    “Nowadays, we’ll just breach the window and give Fido and Rex some play time before we go in ourselves” – friend from a German SoKo for organized crime.

    The last time the topic of dogs came up here, I started a search to find an alternative to what I learned from the Israelis, but I have not found any. So the following seems to hold true:

    Good thing is, dogs are not that hard to defeat if you are moderately prepared. Most readers here are heavier, smarter and have two fine manipulators that can hold tools.
    Sad thing is, well-trained attackings dogs only stop reliably when they are dead.

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