When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Enchilada Cravings

teethAnd teeth.

While this sounds like a Florida Man sighting, the news attributes it to the whistlestop of Forney, Texas.

Police in Forney say a man bit his friend’s ear off during a fight about 9 p.m. Thursday outside Cowboy Chicken, 780 E. U.S. Highway 80. The fight broke out after the man, of Terrell, began arguing with an employee about receiving chicken enchiladas free of charge.

The man, who was reportedly drunk, became “belligerent” when he was denied free food, according to a police report obtained by inForney.com.

The story is from InForney.com, via the Houston Chronicle, as reported by PJ Media’s Steven Kruiser. Kruiser, for his part, understands:

For Mexican food lovers, the enchilada can be the pinnacle of the proper arrangement of tortilla, cheese and meat. Even mediocre enchiladas are hard to find. Good and great enchiladas often require a quest.

Still, knowing full well how powerful an enchilada craving can be, I’m not sure even I would go this far.

Kruiser’s sympathy is apparently matched by the victim, who refused to press charges against his friend:

When his friend removed him from the restaurant, they began fighting…. The man’s friend ran away and when police found him sitting on a curb, a large chunk of his ear was missing and he had blood running down his face.

You know what we’re thinking? We’re thinking, we hope we’re never as hard up for friends as that guy.

Besides, if you like spicy, Thai beats Mexican like a rented mule.

21 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Enchilada Cravings

  1. collimatrix

    Most brutally hot food I recall having was in a rather harshly authentic Korean BBQ place in LA’s Koreatown. I had a soup that made me feel all kinds of emotions when I sipped it, but mostly pain. I can’t say I felt the urge to go Mike Tyson on anyone though.

  2. LSWCHP

    All Mexican food is, as Mr Kruiser points out, a small number of basic ingredients folded in different ways.

    Hognose and the gentlemen above are correct. Any food from anywhere in Asia beats anything from anywhere in Mexico.

    Still, Mexican, along with all other cuisines, beats English. English food is second to everything. I’ve travelled all over the world and never ever seen a sign that read “English Restaurant”, not even in England.

    1. collimatrix

      Indeed, LSWCHP. Why do you think the English took such pains to colonize the world? They were just trying to get a supply of decent nosh. If I had to eat English food it would definitely drive me to desperation and imperialism.

    2. John M.

      Other nationalities that you’ll never read before the word “Restaurant:” Scottish, Russian, Tibetan.

      -John M.

      1. Hognose Post author

        There’s an Ethiopian restaurant in Boston. And there actually are Russian restaurants around, especially in LA and NYC (which have lots of Russian emigrés, mostly Jews).

        1. John M.

          I really, really like Ethiopian food. There’s an Ethiopian joint a couple of miles from here, and it’s one of my favorites. The prices are excellent, too. Like Indian food, Ethiopian appears a little bit inaccessible to European-descent folks, but taste your way around the menu a bit and you’ll find the deliciousness. (The coffee is first-rate at this place, too. I knew I was in for a good cup when I ordered a cup of coffee and shortly thereafter I spotted my waitress grinding my beans.)

          Russian food? I’ve eaten Russian food. I wouldn’t cross the street for it if I were hungry. Kutlet, anyone? Yuck. I’d rather eat Mexican in New Hampshire.

          -John M.

      2. Tierlieb

        I have seen all three. Food hipsterism has its benefits. Tibetan food is just as rare as Tibetans.

        Scottish restaurants are as rare as British ones or Irish ones, but that might be because all three of them like to drink their calories.

        Since the national drink of Russia is of much higher percentage than what Brits prefer, the Russian approach is different. If you ever say “blerg, why is this thing so fatty?”, be assured the answer (*) will be “is good for drinking vodka” (**).

        *) which I will translate for you, since at that point, the speaker might have forgotten they even know English, or at least might slur it a wee bit much

        **) That explains the existence of foods like Salo. Also, the Ukranians are full of it if they tell you that vodka is the Russian’s national food while salo is theirs. That’s the equivalent of the Welsh claiming theirs is “fish with chips on the side” while the Brits eat “Chips with a side of fish”.

    3. Tierlieb

      > I’ve travelled all over the world and never ever seen a sign that read “English Restaurant”, not even in England.
      >
      Ah, that’s just a misunderstanding, to quote a guide book of high renown: “English food is excellent, especially Indian.” ;-)

      1. Hognose Post author

        The way I’ve always put it: the British Empire did not result from some scheme of conquest. They were just looking for things unavailable at home: a little sunshine and something good to eat.

        Meanwhile, the Irish… Exported Irishmen and bars, but their idea of food is boiled much. That’s why there are no Irish restaurants. Who would pay to eat that stuff?

  3. John Distai

    I’d like to enjoy Thai. But I can’t get over that, at least to me, the restaurants often smell like dirty fish tanks, and the noodles remind me of ascarids.

    Now I’ve got a bit of GI pain and that certain pre-vomit watering in my mouth. Damn.

  4. Loren

    I’m not all that fond of Mexican but do love TexMex, which is a different thing altogether and probably what you all are thinking about. Real Mexican is/can be somewhat ordinary.
    Real Asian on the other (gripping?) hand is almost always better than what’s on offer in the States. At least if you eat where the locals eat and not a tourist venue.
    About the only thing I miss by living in the upper Mississippi Valley is they have not clue how to make either. They do make up for it though with brats, fish boils and prime rib.

    1. Hognose Post author

      I love going to Oshkosh, but if I ate like they do in Wisconsin I’d be the size and shape of a fuel blivet. I’d die from multiple organ failure, but happy.

  5. Keith

    We have a local place that cooks Mongolian if you choose that. The spice for is known as 3 second spice because after you take the first bite that’s the delay before you grab your drink very fast.

  6. John M.

    Hognose, if you find yourself in this neck of the woods, we’ll hit some good Mexican joints. Shoot, if you’re up for a little drive, we can hit Mexico from here.

    Sure, most Mexican cuisine is just 8 or so ingredients mixed different ways (9 if you count the cerveza), but the selection of those ingredients is just incredible, since they all mix so sublimely.

    Ever had a mole? It’s amazing.

    -John M.

      1. Kirk

        Mole is a Mexican sauce/gravy/sublime work of culinary art, if properly prepared. It takes a couple of dozen ingredients, and an ancient crone working the mixture/cooking process. Essentially, it’s a chocolate/nut/savory sort of thing, and it doesn’t sound at all like anyone would care for it. Chocolate on chicken…? Are you nuts?

        After you’ve tried real, authentic mole (with an accent mark of some kind over the “e”), you’ll wonder two things: One, where the hell has this been, all my life, and two, what the hell do I need to do to get more of it?

        The Dona Maria brand you can find in most supermarkets out here in the West is a sad imitation of the homemade stuff. A true homemade mole sauce is going to take a couple of days to make, and will be worth every minute of the effort.

        The root problem with most folks who disdain Mexican cuisine is that they think Taco Bell is Mexican food. It ain’t. You have actual, honest-to-God Mexican food, properly prepared, and you’ll change your mind about whether or not it’s one of the great cuisines of the world. I hold that it is, and can easily be compared to the various European cuisines, like French or Italian. The trick is to find a good Mexican cook, provide them with the proper quality ingredients, and then just enjoy the results. Most of what they term “Mexican” in American restaurants is a sad travesty.

      2. John Distai

        Speaking of which, a story about any uncommon things you’ve eaten “in the field” or in training would be quite interesting.

        1. LSWCHP

          I dunno if “you” refers to me John, but I thought I’d pipe up anyway.

          On one survival training activity the team I was with had to cut a sheeps throat and drink its blood. Not much fun that, but then we got to field dress it and cook the meat. Best damn lamb chops I’ve ever eaten.

          Another time I ate sugar ants, which are giant ants that carry a ball of sweet nutritious liquid in their arses. The trick was to just bite off the arse bit of the ant which actually tasted good, and not the rest, which tasted like ant.

          And I knew a Warrant Officer who was a survival trainer (ie SERE stuff). He made a lot of money in pubs betting civilians that he could eat stuff…moths, flies, bugs, roaches….you name it. He’d be fine, but his marks would sometimes gag and run off to hurl after he’d consumed something utterly horrendous and won the bet. It makes my guts churn just thinking about it.

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