When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Pussies

attack vicious catCats, of course. What did you think we meant? A couple of dotty old Wisconsinites called 911 to report that they were bring held captive by .. their own moggy.

“This is gonna sound like a strange question,” the lady told the dispatcher. (That phrase is usually the dispatcher’s green light to relax: whatever’s being called in, it’s not murder, mayhem or mopery with intent to lurk). Yep, it’s a strange question.

A Greenfield, Wisconsin couple apparently thought only the police could rescue them from a hostage situation.

Except the hostage taker wasn’t an armed robber, but rather the family feline.

“This is gonna sound like a strange question but we have a cat and it’s going crazy and it attacked my husband and we’re kind of hostage in our house and we’re just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat or help us,” the woman told the 911 operator, CBS 58 reports.

via AUDIO: Woman calls 911 to report she’s being held hostage – by her cat – The American MirrorThe American Mirror.

Funny thing — the story doesn’t make it clear who did it, but the CBS 58 story they linked to drops into the passive voice to say:

The cat was captured and turned over to MADACC. No one was seriously hurt.

Maybe the Salem Puritans were on to something with their whole cats=witchcraft thing.

12 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Pussies

  1. KenWats

    Nobody thought to wear a jacket and gloves? Or a blanket for god’s sake? Or if you’re going to wage a kitty-COIN operation, a few cans of tuna or cups of yogurt usually goes a long way. Or even better, a laser pointer?

  2. Badger

    Heh, Greenfield (north from me) isn’t the biggest burg in the census book by any stretch. This will be one of those “so & so trapped by their cat” barbershop stories for generations to come. Come to think of it, I’d better check to see if that wasn’t one of the wife’s relations on her mother’s side…

  3. Roger

    I’m sure that the couple soon returned to their ‘safe space’ and were finally
    able to feel comfortable again.

  4. Fuel Filter.

    A) grab cat firmly by tail.

    B) swing like shot-putter

    C) release

    D) bury cat

    Problem solved

  5. Tom Stone

    Cat bites are no joke. I know someone who sent 6 months taking antibiotics IV after being bitten on the thumb. They kept their hand ( It was a near thing) but permanently lost function in their thumb.
    This after immediately rinsing with hydrogen peroxide and getting to the ER within 30 minutes.

  6. Inventive

    My parents have a 25lb Maine Coon mixed breed cat. Not an ounce of fat, just long lean muscle. He literally looks like a tiger, and in his prime he would fight (and kill) the coons and possums that went after his cat food.

    That’s the only domesticated cat that I can think of that I would have even the slightest bit of fear of… And that’s only if it was pitch black and I was stark naked with nothing in my hands to ward that cat off.

  7. archy

    Cats get into all sorts of rabies carriers. Lacking a means to dispatch the unbreasonable kitty at a distance, getting someone else who could do so was prudent. But I bet a super soaker would have discouraged Mr. [Mrs?] Cattus.

    It’s been said before, but if dogs were ten times their size, we’d be okay, though frequently drenched from head to toe with big canine slobber. But if cats were ten times their size, we’d be yesterday’s footnote in the litter box.

  8. Mike_C

    >Or even better, a laser pointer?
    Especially a multi-kilowatt laser pointer.

    >Cat bites are no joke.
    Yep. Cat bites tend to cause puncture wounds, are always considered at high risk for infection, and treated prophylactically with moderately big-gun antibiotics (e.g. Augmentin).

  9. archy

    My suggested response for the firearm deprived, or those who don’t care for the thought of feline blood and fur on the white shag carpet?

    Carbon dioxide fire extinguisher. Gives the term *putting the cat out* a whole new level of meaning. And also useful in the event of a snake visitation or, oh yeah, kitchen fires.

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