When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Zoos

cheetah business endZoos?

Yeah. Have you heard the one about the baby in the cheetah pen?

“‘Signs your mother doesn’t love you,’ for $500, Alex!”

“When you are thrown to this very fast African predatory felid!”

“What is… a cheetah?”

A woman was dangling her 2-year-old son over a railing at the Cleveland zoo when he fell about 10 feet into a cheetah exhibit, zoo officials said.

Several eyewitnesses saw the woman holding the child over the railing, [Cleveland Fire Department spokesman Larry] Kuhar said in a statement. “While this incident is disturbing to everyone, we are glad injuries were not any more severe,” he said.

The toddler’s parents jumped in and pulled him to safety Saturday afternoon. He was treated at a hospital for a few bumps and bruises….

The cheetahs didn’t go toward the boy or his parents, said Chris Kuhar, executive director of Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.

The zoo managers were not amused:

Cleveland Metroparks plans to seek child endangering charges against the mother on Monday, he said.

And yes, it could have ended badly:

A similar incident at a Pittsburgh zoo left a 2-year-old boy dead in 2012. The child was fatally mauled after falling into a wild African dogs exhibit.

In that case, the careless parents sued the zoo because (as they saw it) it was somehow the zoo’s duty to stop them from murdering their kid with gross negligence.

Because Heaven forfend it be your fault for tossing your snack-sized posterity into a knot of fanged and furious predators.

 

4 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Zoos

  1. Mike_C

    Looking up the Pittsburgh story, it’s interesting that the African dogs that killed the child were replaced by a cheetah. In light of the fortunate outcome in the current, Cleveland story, perhaps that was exactly the right replacement mammal….

    Nice link to the polar bear video. At least she had the grace to admit she was an idiot. I particularly like the description of the woman as “mulled.” Never thought of it previously, but if any animal deserves a hot, spiced beverage it’s probably a polar bear.

  2. Aesop

    Let the punishment fit the crime:

    “We herewith decree that the offender(s) be dangled headfirst into the same animal enclosure for not less than 10 nor more than 30 minutes, and any survivors billed for the cost of the rope, less any offset of increased zoo ticket revenues, while listening to pre-recorded child safety tips on earbuds.
    After 7 days of remedial taser shocks at 1@minute, thence to be set at liberty upon their own recognizance without further punishment for a first offense.

    Subsequent offences shall substitute days for minutes in the original dangling portion of the sentence, and with the helpful addition of a raw porkchop necklace and waistcoat.”

    This could give a whole new meaning to the current phrase, “We’re just going to the maul.”

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