When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have golf pencils

Andrew Ward, now a two-time murderer.

Andrew Ward, now a two-time murderer.

We mentioned this guy in passing back in our last Tour d’Horizon: a mentally ill career criminal who’s been in the jug 11 times since 2006. He made news back in March when he murdered his 12-year-old brother. His statement at the time was: “Honestly, I just felt like killing.” Despite being in a place where he presumably can’t get those evil old guns, he still seems to “feel like killing.” In this case, his cellmate, an armed robber. And once again he did it without access to firearms:

Andrew Ward, 27, was arrested on suspicion of first-degree murder in the Wednesday night killing of cellmate Douglas Walker, 33, in a Maricopa County jail in Phoenix, the Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.

Walker was stabbed in the eyes with a golf pencil, the statement said. His throat was cut with a plastic playing card, he was beaten, and his head was smeared with peanut butter. Paramedics later discovered that his breathing passages were obstructed by a plastic bag and a peanut butter sandwich that was forced down Walker’s throat, the Sheriff’s Office said.

via Arizona inmate gouges cellmate’s eyes with golf pencil, kills him, while jailed for murder of 12-year-old brother: police  – NY Daily News.

The late Douglas Walker, another career criminal, who turned out not to be the apex predator in his cell.

The late Douglas Walker, another career criminal, who turned out not to be the apex predator in his cell.

When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have peanut butter, playing cards, and plastic bags, too.

While Walker is no great loss, and the Sheriff points out that Ward’s only one of 400-odd murderers awaiting trial in Maricopa County, it has to make you wonder about the people who think that making guns magically disappear will bring forth a new dawn of peace, love and understanding. WWJLD: What Would John Lennon Do?

Imagine all the peo-ple… stabbing eyes with golf pencils, woo-hoo!

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

I hope some day you’ll join us. Cut throats with cards, just having fun…

But it was probably the gun he used on his brother that made this nut job nuts, right? Er, no. He stabbed his brother to death.

Honestly, we feel like killing guys like this, with a good old-fashioned judicial hanging.

2 thoughts on “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have golf pencils

  1. StukaPilot

    when the debtbuck collapses, will unpaid prison guards stay on the job? Not likely. Imagine a few hundred thousand Walkers and Wards, not to mention duskier ex-inmates, hitting the streets. This plus ‘Frisco Cannibals, FSA, Golden Horde, ‘Bangers…..And all the .gov alphabet gestapi, now also at loose ends. How frisky life will suddenly become! Iraq/Afghanistan may seem tame by comparison.

  2. "Greg"

    I worked in a “medium” security prison as a “prison guard” (correctional officer?) for short period of my life (one x-coworker tells me that getting fired was a fortunate thing for me) and there were about 900 inmates at this location (Newton, Iowa)

    One of my thoughts was “if there is some kind of calamity, what is going to happen with all of the inmates??”

    As you say, maybe the gates would be opened wide, and the hordes would be let loose? Maybe in some places, the guards will decide paycheck or no paycheck, the “un-correctables” should not be unleased onto the general public? It takes a lot of food to feed 900 people… I imagine a lot of people are going to die either way… all the more reason to keep and bear arms…

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