When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have parrots


Curious George. Oops, sorry, Luis Santana. You can see how we made the error.

Apparently Connecticut governor, red-diaper Dannell Malloy (his parents were too stoned to spell “Daniel”), may be on to something with his beloved gun bans. Why, the local criminals have had to resort to throwing parrots at the cops!

While being chased by a cop, a Connecticut man allegedly threw a parrot at his uniformed pursuer, who was bit on the hand when trying to shield himself from the feathered projectile.

Luis Santana, 32, was arrested Tuesday night on several charges, including assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, and animal cruelty.

A patrolman responding to a call about a fight encountered Santana on a Waterbury street around 10 PM. When Santana bolted, bird in hand, Officer Gary Kichar gave chase.

While fleeing, Santana turned and threw the white parrot at Kichar’s head. When the cop raised his hand to protect himself, the bird bit his finger.

Kichar was treated at the scene for the bird bite.

The parrot was initially turned over to animal control officials.

Santana was apprehended while hiding in a nearby building. Free on bond, he is scheduled for a November 18 court appearance.

via Birdbrain: Man Arrested For Throwing Parrot In Face Of Pursuing Police Officer | The Smoking Gun.

Malloy is reportedly planning to add the family aves to the ban list. However there seems to be some difficulty establishing the chain of custody of the bird. It seems that Santana — the Curious-George-looking clown in the mugshot — neither acquired it at a federally licensed bird dealer, nor in a private sale at a bird show. To the shock of Governor Malloy, thieves like Santana have a whole other way of getting their hands on lethal assault parrots.


He stole the bird in a burglary earlier that evening.

No word on wherher Malloy is having the bird owner charged for not storing the parrot properly, and dunning him for the cost of the bitten cop’s workmen’s comp.

The parrot? He, she, or it, was not injured, is not pining for the fjords, and has been reunited with a happy owner. (The jewelry stolen in the burglary may take longer, but no one wanted Polly around the evidence room).

8 thoughts on “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have parrots

  1. Jim

    I grew up in Waterbury aka “The Dirty Water” or “Sin City” and I still work there, although the only way I would live there now would be if I was given a free house..and a huge pile of money..and a pack of German Shepherds. Wasn’t always the dump it is now. It was always a blue collar industrial town, but the state managed to run most of the industry out while at the same time increasing welfare handouts to any dirtbag that decided to take up residence here. Didn’t take long for word to spread and the floodgates opened and waves of human sewage poured in. That all began in the early 80’s, and now we have a couple of generations worth of low life dirtbags helping to enrichen all of our quaint New England villages (as seen on TV) and make them wonderous centers of multicultural diversity. Princess Danyel seems to think it best that the law abiding citizens should not be able to cause any harm to any of these members of the parasite class by shooting them with one of those scary icky gun thingys. It’s better to try to talk things through or just hand over whatever they want like saaaay, your money…or your daughter..or your pet bird. This state is becoming intolerable to most decent people and I dont see it getting better anytime soon, thanks to our liberal politicians and fine residents like this genius. I wish I could pull up stakes and bundle the whole family off to cleaner greener pastures but I can’t..not yet anyway but I find myself sitting and reading the local news and I wonder whats going to happen when the whole state welfare system collapses. It’s become unsustainable. Those of us that actually work cant afford any more taxes. At some point there wont be money for the EBT cards and thats when things are gonna get real interesting around here. So I guess it’s just a matter of practice, practice and more practice ’til the whole damn thing comes crashing down.

    1. Hognose Post author

      It’s a hard and fast economic rule that things that cannot continue, won’t. Promises that can’t be kept, won’t be. And debts that can’t be paid, are uncollectable. The states that run their economy like Greece feel entitled to be bailed out by the states that run their economies like Germany. Not popular when the Greeks demand this of Germany, will be even less so when it’s CT and MA demanding a bailout from TX and SD.

    2. Joe L

      As a fellow CT resident, +1 to all you’ve said. The things that happen in our state on a daily basis are an utter disgrace. The wife and I have 3-5 years left at the maximum. We’ll take our education, work ethic and morals to a state that does not see us as a host for its leaches.

  2. Aesop

    I am dismayed that thus far, nobody has seen fit to point out that the gentleman in question was just flipping the bird at a police officer.

  3. Y.

    Bigger parrots are basically flying side-cutter pliers. With a sometimes malevolent personality.

    No laughing matter. A macaw can easily take off a finger.
    Big parrots can cause hearing loss, they evolved to vocalize at kilometers, so inside a building… and they don’t mind the noise. The more they are the louder they are..

    They are also extremely intelligent (far more than dogs), and if you gradually teach them to fly with a harness, or inside a home, they’re quite happy.

    Still have fond memories of showering and whistling, while a parrot perched on the shower-curtain rod accompanied me with his chirping – he would emulate my whistling to the best of his ability. I taught him to whistle ‘When Johnny comes marching home’ ..

    1. Hognose Post author

      Retired officer I know has an extremely ill-tempered African Grey. They’re beautiful birds, and people forget they’re basically killing-and-eating machines.

      1. Y.

        They’re mostly pests of agriculture.

        The only predatory parrot I know of is the alpine Kea (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twg4Yg4gFoo) which ate sheep. More precisely, the parrots, at night, snuck into sheep pens and ate the fat from the backs of sheep. After sheep farmers effectively destroyed most of the bird’s habitat.

        And also dug out tunnel nests of certain sea-bird. But a parrot surviving in such a unforgiving environment as NZ Alps can’t afford choosiness.

      2. Y.

        Or more precisely, the bird is omnivorous. Will eat or drink anything edible or drinkable and try eating everything that doesn’t try to eat it.

        There’s even a video of a (wild) Kea parrot finishing off someone’s coffee.

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