The douchenozzleheit, it burns the eyes… but the fake Mexican bandido belt nearly landed him down the cellblock from the axe murderers and baby rapers.
A few years ago, the State Colleges of Massachusetts — formerly State Teachers’ Colleges, and before they started granting degrees in the mid-20th-century, State Normal Schools — crowned themselves State Universities. Like Napoleon and Conan the Barbarian, they did it by their own hand. And they produce some of the finest convenience store clerks, waiters, and baristas in New England. (You can also get a good education there, enough to launch a successful career. But you have to work at it). It’s unclear whether Andrew Despres was a future barista or a future entrepreneur, but thanks to overreaction by his school and the testimony of a dishonest State Police officer, he was permanently expelled from his school, and came this close to spending his next decade in jail, after spending eight months as a pariah with an ankle bracelet.
His crime? Possession of inert dummy ammunition. We are not making this up. The Worcester Telegram (one of the papers the New York Times bought for a billion, and sold for a case of beer, and John Henry can owe them the beer):
FITCHBURG — The expelled Fitchburg State University student jailed for trespassing on campus and wearing a fashion belt made of inert ammunition was sentenced Thursday to one year of administrative probation for trespassing.
The charge of possession of a belt of semiautomatic rifle ammunition without a Firearm Identification Card was dismissed.
Andrew K.Despres, 20, of New Bedford told Fitchburg District Court Judge Andrew L. Mandell he understood he was admitting guilt to trespassing onto the FSU campus in December after he was expelled for other infractions and was told by FSU officials to notify them before retrieving his belongings.
When he was arrested, campus police found an ammo belt on him that his mother had purchased for him for $20 online at www.Crustpunk. com.
Yes, Mr Despres’s fashion choices are a bit weird, if the image on the right above, which he posted to Facebook, is anything to go on. The skulls and airsoft toys are typical teenager fare these days, but we have to admit, we got a laugh out of the weight-lifters’ supplements on his shelves, and the “six-pack” abs drawn on his scrawny body with a marker.
In the tee-ball generation, if you can’t make it, fake it, right?
But what landed him in hot water was his other fashion accessory — the belt of dummy ammo (bought from this website, which the T&G misidentifies in its story. Layers of editors!). See, in the slave states that’s a high-capacity ammunition feeding device, and that’s an off-to-PMITA-prison felony, especially in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts where gun ownership is viewed with alarm by an establishment that includes more than its share of criminals. (We are not making that up. The last four Speakers of the State House, and a few Senate Presidents, have made the move to to the Big House or just narrowly beaten the indictment or rap. One Senate President was the brother and associate of James “Whitey” Bulger and lost his job heading the University of Massachusetts system when he took the fifth in the FBI’s search for Whitey. One of the serving Congressmen had his wife do his time in the federal pen. It’s that kind of place). But what you’re about to read is what happened to a guy for owning a fashion accessory that is as inert as a brick or a stick of wood.
Subsequently, Mr. Despres spent a week sitting in jail on $50,000 cash bail for wearing the post-punk fashion, military-style ammunition belt. His bail was later reduced and he has remained on GPS monitoring at home with his family.
How did the court get so far off base? Well, State Trooper Chris Dougherty happily perjured himself to try to land Despres in prison:
At a previous court hearing on June 18, state trooper and firearms specialist Christopher Dougherty who examined the belt testified that every one of the 57 brass .308 caliber bullet shells that make up the belt were not live. The trooper said it was made of actual assault weapon ammunition that lacked certain components of live ammo, such as primers and gun powder. Those components may have been removed, he said, by a tool known as a ‘bullet puller.’
However, even those trained in firearms could not tell that they were not live just by looking at them, he said.
OK. If you’re reading this, you’re probably “trained in firearms.” You might even be a “firearms specialist.” (We’ve got certificates suitable for framing, here!) If we handed you two cartridges, one with primer and powder and one without, could you tell the difference? This is not a rhetorical question. Trooper Dougherty just testified you couldn’t. There’s a few words for that, and one’s Jesse Jackson’s (hey, did you see his son got 30 months? For pocketing three quarters of a million in campaign money? Chip off the old block! But we digress…) famous testilying. The other is perjury, but police officers seem to have an exception to the law that would put you in prison. Of course, maybe Dougherty is so dunderheadedly incompetent that he didn’t know his statements were false. That would be easy to check: put dummy ammo in his service pistol, see if he notices. The over-under’s even odds on that.
Any of you defense attorneys that may face testimony from Dougherty, drop us a line. We’d be delighted to arm you with what you need to destroy him on the stand.
Part of Judge Mandell’s conditions included no contact with FSU employees; he is not allowed to enter the campus, and the state will dispose of his ammo belt.
The mighty State has seized the deodand, and will make it pay! Of course, you don’t get to be a judge in the People’s Republic if you’re not a Party Member in good standing who will follow the Party Line wherever it goes, even to taking punitive action on a douche-y fashion accessory. Andrew Mandell is a judge in this fine tradition. Mandell said:
And that is why we demand that the Court judge them as severely as our… law commands, judge them as our socialist censcience demands.
Here the shades of the dead arise… here the cloven hoof of Trotsky again becomes visible.
Wait, wait, that was Andrey Yanuarevich Vyshinski. Same tradition, though. Him and Freisler. Understandable mistake, we’re sure you’ll agree. Back to the Telegram:
In the hall after the hearing, [Despres's] lawyer, Michael H. Erlich of Worcester, said it was ironic that he had worn the ‘souvenir’ belt on campus the entire time and had made it through Homeland Security with it when he made a trip to New York City to see the Statue of Liberty.
No, Mr Erlich. It’s not at all unusual, let alone “ironic,” that someone might not be jailed for possession of an inert and inoffensive object which visually resembles something that’s a periodic target of your one-party state’s Two Minutes Hate. It’s unusual, unconscionable, and un-American that someone would be jailed for this. Poor Erlich doesn’t get it; he’s been institutionalized.
The incident has placed Mr. Despres’ life on hold and made it difficult for Mr. Despres to work (with GPS monitoring) and get back to college to pursue a degree in film, he said.
Film. Lord love a duck. Well, he does have Hollywood abs.
His mother, Doreen J. Despres, said the family must now look for a civil lawyer to help fight to get her son’s financial aid eligibility back after his expulsion so he can return to college.
But… but… but…. State Procurator Vyshinski let him escape with his life (not to mention an unmodified sphincter muscle). The suspect’s mother dares to question the omniscience of
the Party the State? Haven’t her neighbors warned her?
‘We’re just happy it is over,’ his mother said.
She said she is not sure how the family will pay for another attorney to fight to get her son’s financial aid back so he can attend college in the hopes of pursuing his dream to become a cameraman.
He might want to recalibrate his dream. One suspects that the entire convention of Fitchburg-State-trained working cameramen can be held in a telephone booth, without interfering with a passer-by’s ability to step in and make a call. (Aside: are there any telephone booths any more?)
Now, as if often the case in hard cases, Mr Despres is not an attractive character.
Mr. Despres was expelled after a conduct hearing at FSU following several incidents he was involved in including graffiti in the men’s bathroom, disrespecting professors and possession of marijuana. Additionally, professors at the school said they were concerned about his mental state and unsure if he would harm himself or someone else.
All this, and what he got in trouble for was his rotten fashion sense that a number of clueless cops couldn’t tell from ammunition. (And, just for completeness’s sake: if it was ammunition, it was utterly useless, because owning a feed-belt without a belt-fed weapon is a bit like having somebody give you a case of motor oil when you don’t own a car). This is taking the concept of fashion police entirely too far.
What has been established here, then, is that something that looks like ammunition is, as far as the kangaroo courts and corrupt cops are concerned, close enough for government work.
Outside while standing on the court steps, when asked how he felt about the incident and how some FSU students said they are afraid to wear or say certain things on campus now, Mr. Despres responded, ‘Welcome to America.’
Well, that’s the kind of dumb idea one is liable to catch at Fitchburg State University. He hasn’t been in America, he’s been in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts. Different state entirely.
In adjacent New Hampshire, whose license plate motto is something very close to “Live Free or Live in Massachusetts,” Despres’s dumb dummy belt is perfectly legal, no one would raise an eyebrow, and with about one third of the People’s Republic’s population, the state has about one twelfth of the murders and other violent crime that’s endemic “down South” in the PRM. How soon until Massachusetts builds a wall?