On Valentine’s Day this year, we thought we’d discuss the epidemic of violence that’s sweeping the world. Not Gun Violence, as Gun Ban Barbie and the other bansters would have you believe: a much more serious problem, which does occasionally manifest with a gun, is Twoo Wuv Violence.
First, there’s the Wuv Twiangle version:
- Former pilot Gerald Russell of Florida is one of 100 murderers that are paroled and living secretly in the state. He killed another pilot because he was in love with the man’s stewardess wife, and was sentenced to life in prison in ’82 and paroled in ’12. (FL no longer paroles first-degree murderers). The article doesn’t say how he did it.
- Laborer Viusqui J. Perez Espinosa, 44, killed Ivis Alexis Portales Lara, 27, in Kenner City, LA, Nov. 11, 2015, and then cut him up into pieces and dumped him in a swamp. Most of Portales’s pieces have been recovered. Motive: romantic jealousy. (Just committing the murders Americans won’t commit; all three vertices of the triangle were aliens, for whom guns are sometimes outlawed).
- Birmingham, England, where guns are outlawed: a young woman getting her mandingo on with a man twice her age was strangled after changing mandingos. The murderer had already attacked her new boyfriend with a knife, but she lied for the guy! So he came back to kill her. Strange are the ways of Twoo Wuv.
- In Omaha, a seemingly perfect crime, in which a woman killed a romantic rival and then used her phone and email to impersonate the victim and break off her personal and professional relationships to cover up her death, has unraveled after five years.
- In Bakersfield, CA, where guns are getting more outlawed all the time, a woman who didn’t want her husband to stand in the way of Twoo Wuv with Sumdood, and didn’t want to sully her reputation with a divorce(!), conspired with Sumdood to poison hubby with arsenic in banana pudding; when she got cold feet about that approach, Sumdood just stabbed the husband. He had tested the arsenic-laced pudding on a neighbor’s dog. (Another story says the victim was shot, and with “a .45-caliber Glock equipped with a homemade silencer”).
- The Mounties got their man, and woman, in a teenage love-triangle-turned-murder-conspiracy in Kamloops, BC. In this case, a rifle was used. Defense lawyers are still trying to turn the convicted male triggerman loose on Canadian society; the girl who set the outgoing boyfriend up for ambush was sentenced to life without parole, which under Canuckistani law means she can be paroled in seven years.
- This Las Vegas case deserves some more complete excerpting, because it was (1) some kind of love quadrilateral, and because it was both weird and depraved:
Two men were charged in the murder this week: Anthony Newton, 37, who police said was romantically involved with the same woman as the victim, and George Malaperdas, 31, the brother of Newton’s wife, a second woman who was romantically involved with the victim.
The body of Ulyses Cesar Molina — who went by “Cezar,” according to family — was found early Dec. 28 by a homeless woman sleeping in the lot on the 2000 block of Dolly Lane, near East Lake Mead Boulevard and Marion Drive.
Only a torso and legs were recovered, but a DNA test proved the remains were those of Molina, family said.
On Dec. 25, Molina was at the apartment of the woman both he and Newton were involved with, according to the reports, when Newton suddenly knocked on the door, came inside and began arguing with him.
As the confrontation played out, Molina was knocked to the ground, bleeding from the forehead, when Malaperdas, the second suspect, knocked on the door, the reports said. Malaperdas came inside and immediately joined in, kicking Molina and yelling about Molina having sex with his sister, Newton’s wife.
Malaperdas and Newton then tied Molina up with what may have been a phone cord, according to the reports. Newton stood over Molina, put his foot against Molina’s throat and stepped down until Molina “was not moving anymore.”
Once Molina died, Malaperdas admitted during a police interview, he and Newton removed Molina’s clothes, wrapped him in a sheet and placed him in the trunk of a car.
Newton left with the body, but the next day, Newton picked Malaperdas up, drove him to another residence and “had Malaperdas assist in the dismemberment of Molina’s body,” according to the reports.
The pair stuffed some of Molina’s remains in a suitcase, and then Malaperdas drove the car, which matched the description of a vehicle seen leaving the desert lot Dec. 28, to the spot where Molina’s remains were found, Malaperdas told police.
Ahhh. Twoo Wuv indeed. In case you missed it, that one eventuated on Christmas Day.
And that’s just the triangles. Then, there’s the spurned-lover attacks, like this charming case from India:
After the Vile Parle police arrested her neighbour Debashish Dhara from Kolkata for the murder, it has now come to light that he was not her ex-boyfriend but a spurned lover, who had been following her obsessively for quite sometime and she had rebuffed all his advances.
Dhara confessed before the police that he had been in love with her and after her for a long time, but she had rejected him when he had expressed his feelings to her.
….He allegedly tried to rape her, but when she fought back, he strangulated her with her jeans and then raped her.
He later tried to burn her but failed there as well. In a bid to mislead the police and make it look like robbery was the motive, he took some of her jewellery and fled from the spot.
Finally, there’s the Romeo-spurned-by-Juliet leading to self-destructive Twoo Wuv cases, illustrated by this case in Kenya:
The 16-year-old student at Ombaka Secondary School at Nyando in Kisumu County was on Sunday night found dangling on a rope in his room.
Witnesses said his demise marked the end of a two-month battle to retain his girlfriend who is a Form One student in the same school. The boy had shared his predicament with his family and friends whom he had told that he “was not ready to lose his love”, witnesses said.
The girl is said to have dumped him for a Form Four student in the same school.
Ah, yes. Female hypergamy in Homo sapiens. There’s a paper in that for some bold behaviorist, perhaps.
And finally, there are Twoo Wuv messes (in this case, literally) that defy characterization:
German woman ‘decapitated lover with circular saw in bizarre sex game’
A woman has gone on trial in Munich on charges of murdering her lover with an electric circular saw.
The 32-year-old woman, named only as Gabrielle P under German privacy laws, is accused of killing her boyfriend while he was tied to the bed and blindfolded during a sex game.
After the killing, prosecutors allege she used the saw to cut off the head of her 28-year-old victim, who has been variously named as Alex H and Sebastian H in the German press.
Gabrielle P admits the killing but her defence lawyers plan to argue it was an unpremeditated act of desperation.
We honestly don’t know where some people find, uh, arousal. Each of the details seems more depraved and, well, inexplicable, than the last:
On the night of the killing, Alex H blindfolded himself with a pair of diving goggles blacked out with masking tape and told Gabrielle P to tie him to the bed.
Once he was secured, she is accused of killing him by holding the running circular saw through his chest.
The defence claims the saw was in the room because the couple were making renovations, and that she reached for it on the spur of the moment.
After Alex H was dead, Gabrielle P used the saw to remove his head from his body then covered his remains with a sheet. She did not return to the room and left the body undisturbed for six months.
It was not until she brought a new lover, Christian K, to the house that the body was discovered.
Instead of alerting the authorities, Christian K helped her bury the dismembered corpse in the garden of the house.
Pretty sure that is the first Circular Saw Murder to, er, circulate in When Guns are Outlawed. Here’s hoping it doesn’t get repeated any time soon.
To those of you whose personal relationships don’t resemble any of these characters, Happy Valentine’s Day from WeaponsMan.com.