Category Archives: Don’t be THAT guy

What About SecDef Priorities?

prioriy_listA while back we were agog at the priorities of outgoing Secretary of the Army John McHugh. Since he’s just an Indian in that tribe, we assume some of that nonsense came from higher. We searched in vain for any listing of the Secretary of Defense’s priorities. Unlike McHugh, who boldly admitted his priorities were related only to “social justice” and not to preparing the national defense, SecDef Ashton Carter has not put anything down in writing. He did, however, give a speech shortly after his appointment, from which his priorities may be derived

Mr. Obama would be in need of “the best military support” as he makes tough decisions in the coming months.

It’s all about personal service to the Cult of Personality. We suppose that Carter has discovered now what everybody else in and out of DC has known for a while: the President is not interested in military advice, not from professionals, let alone from another zero-point-zero-zero-miles-under-rucksack politician. Like other famous personality-cult godheads in history, the President knows he’s a better general than his generals. The German acronym for it is Gröfaz. 

The new defense chief made the comments during an all-hands-on-deck meeting in the basement of the Pentagon two days after he was sworn into office. Mr. Carter is Mr. Obama’s fourth defense secretary and the second Pentagon chief to be tasked with destroying and defeating a violent extremist group known as the Islamic State.

Funny… that does not seem to have been something Carter prioritized, or even pays any attention to.

“It’s a rough world out there,” he said. “There’s a lot going on.”

One is reminded of Homer Simpson’s dictum: “Life is a bunch of stuff that just happens.” Emphasis in the next line is ours.

Mr. Carter briefly mentioned the barbaric acts taking place in the Middle East and “historical throwbacks in Europe” as his prime concerns.

whiteflagHistorical throwbacks? Does he mean the mohammedan invasion? Probably not. More likely, he’s referring to fear of a native European backlash. That’s his “historical throwback.” Or maybe he means Vladimir Vladimirovich’s saber rattling? That has been met on the US side solely with determination to raise the white flag higher. How’s that working out so far?

But as miserable as all that may seem, there are “tremendous, bright opportunities” on the horizon for the military and nation, Mr. Carter said.“We are not only the finest fighting force in the world, but I think we’re the brightest beacon of hope in the world,” he said. “If you want evidence of that, take a look at all the friends. … Our antagonists have none or few, and that’s a reflection of the fact that our values and our conduct and our leadership are followed.”

You mean, “friends” like the Iraqis and Afghans, our coin-op BFFs who have already, at least in the case of Iraq, discovered that the USA talks a good game but the Russians and Iranians come to play ball?

That force needs to be protected from financial woes and resource challenges tied to a congressional budget plan known as sequestration, Mr. Carter said. In order to achieve that goal, the Pentagon will have to “convincingly make the case” to the American public for the need to spend more on the military, he said. Sequestration must not be a threat to the Defense Department, Mr. Carter said.“That is unsafe. It’s dangerous. It’s wasteful and it’s unwise,” he said. “You’ll see me doing everything I can, everything a secretary of defense can do to try to bring our country together and get us out of the wilderness of sequester. We don’t belong there. That’s not what our people deserve. That’s not what this institution deserves.”

via Ashton Carter priorities as defense secretary include Pentagon funds, Obama advice – Washington Times.

OK, so that’s his priority, that’s his hill to die on. To fight against Congressionally-imposed budget cuts so that he can implement executive-preferred budget cuts instead.

At least he seems aware that (1) there are wars on that our guys are in, unlike McHugh, and (2) there is trouble on the high seas that we might get into, unlike Mabus. But for somebody that wants to be Secretary of Defense, that’s not exactly high-functioning. It’s more like a partial brain stem function. Most of his own Administration would write him off as a veg and euthanize him, on this basis, if he weren’t useful to them.

For what, we’re not entirely sure.

The Wisdom of Solomon and the Economics of the AK

Chris Solomon, that is. And a careful read of his article on International Policy Digest, The Economics of the AK-47, left us with an aching head from trying to follow his convoluted, faux-academic prose. It was immediately clear that he can’t write. When we finally figured out what we think he’s saying, it’s pretty clear he can’t think, either.

Say hello to the bad guy. Public Enemy Number One.

Say hello to the bad guy. Public Enemy Number One.

Shorter Solomon: Africa is a mess (and so is the Mideast) because there are AKs and AKs are bad. Why? Because they’re guns, and they’re cheap. Guns are bad, and therefore, cheap guns are doubleplusungood.

Kalashnikov Group is also in the process of rebranding the famous weapon as an instrument of security and counter-terrorism. The effort has largely been criticized by humanitarian groups as the arms company embarked on a marketing blitz.

Um, if you’re a Russian under the looming threat of random Chechen massacres, you probably do see AKs in the hands of your national security forces exactly as “instruments of security and counter-terrorism.” Why do you think that might be, class?

Honestly, it all depends on who that front sight is resting on.

Honestly, it all depends on who that front sight is resting on.

What’s that? “Because that’s what they’re being used for, as they’re after all just dumb implements with no will of their own, and their use depends on the intent and abilities of those using them.” Oh, very good! Congratulations.

You’re officially smarter than Solomon.

Now, let’s take a step back, shall we? The first sentence of our little excerpt above says:

Kalashnikov Group is also in the process of rebranding the famous weapon as an instrument of security and counter-terrorism.

Rebranding it from what, exactly? We can always Ask a Russian (Max, you there?) but we’re pretty sure Russians and other Soviets thought it was a service rifle for the defense of their country and, in the bad old days, “the socialist world”. Is Solomon suggesting that national defense is somehow an illegitimate activity? It’s hard to say.

Pro tip: you can be perfectly clear and we can disagree with what you said. But if we can’t figure out what you said, you probably were not perfectly clear.

The effort has largely been criticized by humanitarian groups as the arms company embarked on a marketing blitz.

This has more than a whiff of, “The effort has been criticized by Chris Solomon who used soi-disant humanitarian groups as a cloak for his own opinion.”

Oxford professor Paul Collier’s book, Wars, Guns, and Votes, describes the cycle of arms stockpiling by African governments to safeguard against or fight off rebellions only to have poorly paid conscripts siphon Kalashnikovs from local armaments for illegal resale elsewhere. Small arms cannot be easily shipped off the continent, so they tend to stay local.

Funny. There’s an African-made AK in Safe II downstairs. How’d it get here? We’re on a whole other continent! Across an ocean and everything. See, there’s this thing called trade. If you are going to invoke Economics in your article title, you might want to write that down.

Weapons last a long time (rifles are the poster child of a durable good, a concept from a class in some subject… what might that have been) and they will go where they are valued.

This is one reason why countries with neighboring civil wars are also vulnerable to civil war themselves. Troubled countries make for a troubled region.

Ah, never would have occurred to us. Africa’s a mess because of the proliferation of AKs. It has nothing to do with peace and prosperity having peaked on that continent when it was under the thumb of cruel foreign colonizers… or that the colonizers left behind borders that drew “countries” that don’t align remotely with the underlying “nations,” a concept that in Europe animated everyone from Bismarck to Garibaldi to Gavrilo Princip. Was Europe a mess because of the proliferation of Mausers? Maxims? Brownings?

Poor governance is also considered in assessing the AK-47’s destructiveness.

See what we mean? Dude can’t write. Is there a subject in that sentence, where ponderous construction replaces clarity in an attempt to sound Highly Educated™? He should send his degrees back to his school for a refund. We think he means that, “Poor governance is an alternative explanation for African misery to AK proliferation,” because he seems to try to dismiss the poor governance argument (never been to Africa, has he?) in the next paragraph.

In any event, he seems bewildered by the concept of the arrow of causation. African kleptocracies, which are the global arms market’s bottom feeders, buy lots of cheap AKs. They keep lousy track of them, because Africa. (Poverty/corruption/tribalism/low mean IQ/lousy education/famine/war, you pick your causal factors, they’re all there in abundance). The AKs are used, ultimately, by unsalubrious actors to rebarbative ends. Ergo, the AKs caused it all.

Wait, what?

However, in Phillip Killicoat’s 2007 World Bank study, “Weaponomics: The Global Market for Assault Rifles,” he found that purchasing power parity (PPP) income measure was not so much an indicator of government efficiency but rather a sign of demand in the local market.

via Economics of the AK-47.

Actually, Killicoat’s actual study (abstract; or actual .pdf) is worth looking at for several reasons. It is an attempt to quantify weapons trade in the legal and black markets over time, so, unlike Solomon’s credentialed-but-uneducated chaos, it really is a look at the “Economics of the AK-47.” It does suffer from spotty data (Killicoat does not seem to have looked far and wide for early data, whose relative absence he apologizes for), and it suffers from Killicoat’s assumptions, which seem to have been structured to give great weight to regulatory effectiveness. He does, however, admit that his model is imperfect:

On the demand side, there is some evidence that, for a given level government effectiveness, increasing income raises the price of weapons as a wealth mark-up for a partially non-tradable good. Proxies for the motivation to acquire weapons: lagged income growth, homicide rate, and share of young men do not perform as well as expected. This may suggest that the historic focus on the supply side is justified. More likely, however, it indicates that better modeling and operationalization of the preferences for purchasing weapons is required. A further qualification to the demand side results is that the price data collected are predominantly for the AK-47. By focusing on the AK-47, the most basic assault rifle, substitution effects are ignored if buyers substitute into other higher-grade weapon types as income rises.

These conclusions are arguable, but it’s a real economics paper; Killicoat shows his work and others can build on it, or develop alternatives, if they like.

Returning to the wisdom of Solomon, we have this:

All too often, supplying weapons to bolster local governments results in the very instability the suppliers are trying to prevent. South Sudan, currently embroiled in a civil war, was the recipient of a sizable arms sale in the summer of 2014. Prior to the outbreak, China North Industries Corp. (Norinco) transferred 9,574 automatic rifles to the Sudan People’s Liberation Army (SPLA) for some $20 million.

Again, correlation != causation, a concept every scientist and statistician thoroughly understands, and Solomon thoroughly doesn’t. The AKs did not make Sudan unstable. Having two incompatible nations within one set of borders — a jihadi Arab dictatorship and a black African kleptocracy — is why Sudan, and South Sudan (itself a spin-off of this instability), is unstable.

It is what we have called a War of Identity™. And Hognose’s Law says:

A War of Identity™ has three potential conclusions:

  1. One side defeats and exterminates the other;
  2. One side defeats and assimilates the other;
  3. The war reaches an Equilibrium of Violence that is acceptable to both sides.

The War of Identity™ in Sudan isn’t caused, mediated, or exacerbated by AKs. If they didn’t have AKs it would be Mausers, Lee-Enfields, jezails, or sticks and stones. Until one side or the other wins, or both sides get exhausted except for a handful of underground die-hards.

Solomon continues in this vein. Violence in Iraq was not only caused by AKs, it was caused by American-supplied AKs. And they’re still making trouble!

The weapon’s legacy in Iraq still endures with today’s sectarian violence. Iraqi government forces and Shia militia recovered the Baiji oil refinery from Islamic State.

How the AK is implicated in that, we’re not quite sure, being unable to read what passes for Solomon’s mind. Iraq is, of course, as well-equipped with AKs as it is with oil. In Hussein’s day, it imported and manufactured them in staggering numbers, and along with the US supplies, the Iranians and Russians and Chinese have poured millions more into the conflict. War is magnetic, at least with respect to guns.

We do note his second sentence doesn’t follow in any meaningful way from his first. But be reassured, AK fans: he doesn’t think the AK is a force for evil everywhere: 

The AK-47 alone isn’t to blame. Cuba, for example, utilizes the weapon for its military, but does not suffer from internal instability. The correlation appears to exist between poor governance, the availability of cheap weapons, the resource trap, and proximity to neighboring conflicts.

Of course! The worker’s paradise uses the AK, but does not harm the hair on anyone’s head, despite the presence of many creepy AKs (pay no attention to the legacy of quasi-judicial murders and the enduring prison camps). Cuba used to be unstable, but that was before they got lots of AKs. Now the repression’s keeping the stability solid. ¡Hace progreso, señor!

And here’s his conclusion:

Regardless, the assault rifle’s longevity and abundance is all too apparent. The AK-47 and its variants continue to wreak havoc and have a long term negative impact on the security and economic failings of resource-rich states. This makes the Kalashnikov a key ingredient for disaster in the developing world.

New Frontiers in Navy Affirmative Action: Everybody for CAG!

waahmbulanceSome Naval Academy grads has a sad because they didn’t choose, or get chosen for, the path to CAG. (The old acronym for Commander of the Air Group, still used for a Carrier Air Wing commander). They want the path opened to them.

Call them the vehicle herein illustrated.

Today, the Aviation Major Command Screen Board (AMCSB) convenes in Millington, Tennessee. It is the annual gathering to determine the future of Naval Aviation’s most promising leaders, and plays a large role in setting the strategic direction of our enterprise.

As we alluded to in our August 2015 Proceedings article “On Becoming CAG,” the fates of aspiring leaders were determined years prior to this week. FITREPs, joint jobs, and other career assignments funnel COs into competitive tracks for leadership positions, including Carrier Air Wing Commander, or CAG.

However, as the current AMCSB convenes, one troubling trend remains: Naval Aviation has gone five years since a non-VFA CAG was selected.

VFA is the Navy acronym for Aviation Fighter Attack. Because the Navy no longer has any attack aircraft, its fighter squadrons are now all F/A squadrons; indeed, many of the specialist types that once graced American flight decks have been replaced by cheap pods, add-ons and gimcracks that can strap onto an F-18 and do a half-assed job of reconnaissance, inflight refueling and electronic warfare.

What’s left besides VFA are helicopters and EW aircraft.

After publishing “On Becoming CAG,” the authors received intense positive and negative feedback about our arguments. Notably, at the annual Tailhook Reunion in Reno, Nevada this year, PERS-43 addressed the debate in an open forum (you can watch it here).

He pointed out that CAGs are responsible for the mentorship of squadron COs, with the ultimate goal of cultivating leaders who are able to replace him or her as CAG.

Reflecting on the past five years, it appears as though CAGs have failed their non-VFA Commanding Officers in this essential mentoring. All else being equal, if zero COs from outside the VFA community have been selected, we arrive at one of two conclusions:
1) VAQ, VAW, HSM, and HSC squadron COs have been inadequate leaders compared to their VFA contemporaries. If this is true, it points to a huge, unspoken problem in these communities that Naval Aviation has not addressed.
2) VAQ, VAW, HSM, and HSC squadron COs are not viewed as equally qualified leaders by CAG when FITREP time comes. If this is true, it points to a problematic culture within our ranks that Naval Aviation has not addressed.

via USNI Blog » Blog Archive » “On Becoming CAG” Feedback, Part I.

Really, this is nothing but people who opted for or were assigned to secondary and support missions complaining they don’t get equal consideration for the combat lead job. It’s even clearer if you read their underlying article.

Hey, why stop there? Why do you have to be an aviator to be CAG? What about all the black shoes, it’s not faaaaaiiiiir to them either. For that matter, why does CAG need to be an officer? Think about all the great chiefs who will never get the chance to be CAG! They wuz robbed.

And really, why does the CAG need to come from the Navy? If someone who flew log helicopter flights between the usual Academy grad tours brownnosing as an aide or in the Pentagon or staff is CAG material, why not just open the competition to all talent in the country? There’s probably a lawyer or barista somewhere just waiting for a chance to shine! We could open it to everyone, the whole rainbow cistransabledGLBTQWERTY panoply.

You could make it a reality show. “The Next American Combat Leader!” Simon Cowell would be a great judge. “Oh, 1 wire. Ghastly.

Then again, why limit ourselves? The last five CAG selectees were all Americans. There are two hundred other countries out there, people. Why can’t CAG be from Burkina Faso or Suriname?

After all, it’s only fair.

The Wife-Beating, Non-Shooting, Anti-Gun Sheriff

RossMirkarimiMugshotThere can be no law enforcement officer in the United States like Ross Mirkarimi, the Sheriff of San Francisco. In the first place, for most of his career as an elected sheriff, he hasn’t carried a gun. You see, he can’t carry a gun.

That’s because instead of enforcing the laws, he breaks them. He’s a notorious (and convicted) criminal, a wife-beater, an angry man suffused with hate. He’s unpleasant to be around and really unpleasant to work for, unless you’re a suck-up’s suck-up. Fortunately for Mirkarimi, the headquarters of police offices seldom lack a few such toadies, as we’ll see.

The charges are important, because they’re essential to understanding his character. A bare week before his swearing-in, a neighbor called police because Mirkarimi — already a long-established San Francisco politician — had beaten his wife, Eliana Lopez, not for the first time but as part of “a larger pattern of abuse.” The neighbor took video of Lopez’s bruises and exchanged text messages. On the video, Lopez said it was the second time Mirkarimi had beaten her this badly, and “he wants to take Theo [her two-year-old son, possibly Mirkarimi’s] away from me… he… said… that he is very powerful and can do it.” Like many battered women, Lopez did not cooperate with the police or the investigation.

Then There’s the Other Woman He Beat — “She just.” Whack. “Didn’t.” Whack. “Un-der-stand.” Whack, whack, whack.


Mirkarimi also was accused by a former girlfriend (who was married to an SFPD cop, one sign of Mirkarimi’s contempt for the SFPD, which we’ll get to in a moment), Christina Flores, of beating her, too. (Gee, isn’t there anything exclusive to a wife any more?) The battered girlfriend was talked out of filing charges, bit did file a police report. In an interview, Flores described Mirkarimi in terms that are far from unique to her:

“He’s like a pit bull. He snaps, and he gets mad, and he goes right for the jugular.” … the relationship often had problems stemming from Mirkarimi’s inability to control his temper. “I’m a smart woman. This was a really stupid relationship.”…”he had a bad opinion of the police…” and a “Jekyll-and-Hyde personality,” and could “snap” during arguments. “He can go from very, very sweet to very, very cruel and belittling,” she said. She added that Mirkarimi’s angry spells most often seemed to be directed at women.

“This is somebody who does this primarily to women and takes pride in the fact he’s a big guy,” she said of Mirkarimi, who is 6 feet tall and weighs 203 pounds. “…women need to know that when someone is in your face yelling at you that that’s also violence, and that is not okay.”

Mirkarimi blamed all the charges on his political opponents, naturally. How dare they ask questions of the women he beats? Faaaaascists!

His political opponents, as he defines them, include most of his cops and all the adjacent San Francisco Police Department. He has frequently taken the side of cop-killers and -attackers. Specifically, he has called for amnesty for eight Black Panthers who murdered SFPD Sergeant John V. Young in the Ingleside station in 1971, and opposed the SFPD’s investigation into an Occupy riot that left an SFPD officer with a fractured skull. The assault on the cop was “free speech,” and “the very fabric that made the country great.”

Mirkarimi would probably beat cops the way he beats women, if only they didn’t carry guns.

Mirkarimi’s Memo: Demands Sacrifices for Sanctuary

And then there’s his performance over this summer’s incident, when his department, on his standing orders, released a violent career criminal (with seven felony convictions and five deportations), Francisco Sanchez. Why would they do a thing like that? Because when controlling crime conflicts with virtue signalling as a supporter of criminal alien  sanctuary, sanctuary wins with Mirkarimi every time. Within days of being released on Mirkarimi’s orders, Sanchez shot dead Kathryn Steinle, whose life, per Mirkarimi, does not matter. After all, she isn’t a criminal alien.

When he discovered SFSO officers were sneaking violent criminals into the hands of ICE for deportation, Mirkarimi cracked down. The local CBS station learned about it.

KPIX 5 obtained the memo Sheriff Mirkarimi sent to his deputies in March spelling out that he, and only he, can turn over illegal immigrants to Immigration Customs Enforcement (ICE).

He sent the memo to all sworn personnel.

Only he could. He just never did. Within months, Mirkarimi’s sanctuary worship claimed its next blood sacrifice. In his world, a Sanchez will always trump a mere citizen like Steinle. He blamed ICE for not deporting the criminals he has been hiding from them.

This specimen not only got elected, but he’s likely to get re-elected, which should give you a sense of just how far around the bend San Francisco is. (How far? Other elected officials struggle against the terror, imperialism and oppression of… the Blue Angels. We are not making this up). His opponent is former Chief Deputy Sheriff Vicki Hennessy; seeing as how it’s San Francisco, she’s nearly as moonbat as he is, but she’s an actual cop who can carry a gun and everything.

The Wife Beater Demands a Gun

Since San Francisco is a rotten borough where everything is for sale, he’s been able to buy himself out of the conviction — they call it “expunged” — and he demanded his gun back. The police rangemaster, Sgt. Matt Heskell (some reports say Haskell), demurred. California imposes a lifetime firearms ban on domestic violence convicts like Mirkarimi — even if the conviction is expunged. And so does Federal law, even for canny operators like Mirkarimi who plea-bargain down to misdemeanor. Trying to CYA, Heskell asked for Internal Affairs and the state DOJ to give rearming Mirkarimi an official blessing — but the bureaucrats there were not going to go out on a limb and issue any such paper. Neither were they going to admit that Mirkarimi, a Made Guy in the state’s uniparty Organization, was forbidden to do something he wanted to do.

So they just never responded to Heskell.

A captain assigned to City Hall did, though, and his message, direct from the top, was this, quote, “Mind your fucking business.” Heskell would not bend, although he knew there would be a cost.

There was. Mirkarimi had a solution for the by-the-book rangemaster. He — through his flunkies —  transferred the rangemaster to jail duty — that’ll show him!

The next rangemaster, perhaps uninterested in a career in corrections, turned a blind eye to the law, the POST (Peace Officer Standards of Training) and DOJ requirements, and let Mirkarimi shoot the qualification course during a scheduled qualification day, 18 September 2015. Like most cop quals, the SFPD’s is not terribly hard. There are degrees of qualification, but the key one is the cutline between “qualified” and “not qualified,” which is 80.

Mirkarimi failed. The guy who likes to get tough with 100-pound women got his ass kicked by a 2-pound pistol, with his retinue of ass-kissers watching in dismay (and limbering up their lips to make it feel better), while the range staff snickered behind his back.

Mirkarimi then had 21 days to retrain and retest. He didn’t do it.

Meanwhile, a line deputy who failed and then failed or didn’t take a retest would be brought before a Review Board — probably terminated, perhaps after one last chance, but the last chance is optional. But at present, in the strange Sheriff’s Office that is Mirkarimistan,  5 other SFSO officers — generally favored princes and princesses assigned to Mirkarimi’s staff or City Hall, including a Chief Deputy, Kathy Gorwood, have also boloed without the consequences that would be visited on any ordinary radio car deputy. Gorwood, in fact, has been “carrying a gun for years, and she’s not qualified,” one SFSO officer told KSFO’s Brian Sussman (audio here, scroll down). It is not clear that Gorwood has ever qualified with a firearm. In the San Francisco Sheriff’s Office, standards are for the little people.

One Sheriff’s Department spokeswoman, a Mirkarimi loyalist named Freya Horne, who (like Mirkarimi) is a politician, not a cop, defended both the attempted end-run around the law that disarms her violent wife-beater boss, and the punitive transfer of the sergeant who questioned it. The transfer, she said,

…was not made by Sheriff Mirkarimi, and he did not provide input into who was being transferred. The transfers had no relationship to any issue involving the range or any internal affairs inquiry.

Hey, the guy disrespected Sheriff Boyfriend. He had it comin’, right, Freya?

Another spokeswoman, Kenya Briggs, who is also not a cop, was caught lying about the failed 18 September range session.

The sheriff, like every other deputy, is entitled to practice at a firing range.

Well, actually, no. Under both California law and the Federal Lautenberg amendment, it’s a felony for a convicted violent domestic abuser — like Mirkarimi — to touch a firearm. But our issue is not just with Briggs’s ignorance of (or lying about) the law.

The other thing Briggs was lying about was the range session — according to union rep Captain Lisette Adams, it was a day the range was closed for practice because it was running quals only.

So here’s a violent, convicted wife-beater who’s got not one, not two, but three women willing to throw their credibility to perdition and lie for him.

Not universal in the sense that a scientific or physical law is, but close: Chicks dig jerks.

By the way, what do you think Ross Mirkarimi’s position on you owning a gun is? We bet you can guess: he’s against it.

Why, you might lose control and hurt somebody. He should know.


How to Lose a Cop Job


“Tastes like chicken.”

It’s pretty hard to get fired as a cop. And we don’t know for a fact this guy got fired. He might be “pursuing other interests,” or maybe he resigned “to spend more time with his family.”

If that’s the case, all we can say is — his poor family!

A Baltimore man is no longer an Anne Arundel County police officer after he was charged for public intoxication and accused of biting another man’s testicles during a fight outside a bar while he was off-duty on Cinco de Mayo.

Tip to navigating today’s ethnic minefield: if you’re going to claim Cinco de Mayo as a reason to plus up on Judgment Juice and act like a jackass, it helps to be, we dunno, Mexican? Or maybe these days you can try, “I identify as Mexican”. Even if your name is Kaarlsgaard and you’re 6’3″ with wispy blond hair and translucent skin.

In this case, the guy’s name sounds Irish. Unless you’re Bernardo O’Higgins, you Irishmen need to lay off the Latinos’ fiesta days and get your jackass on in March, like the rest of ’em.

And his picture looks like he’d be at home at a Minnesota lutefisk dinner. The only Mexicans that fair of skin and hair are the chiquitas in telenovelas. 

In any event, he’s now an ex-cop, but they’re not saying why.

County police spokesman Lt. Ryan Frashure tells The Capital of Annapolis ( ) 31-year-old Cpl. Michael Flaig is no longer employed by the department as of Sept. 23, but he wouldn’t elaborate on why he left.

Flaig was involved in a fight in May after the victim accused Flaig of groping his female roommate.

Yeah, fights. Some people seem to get in ’em all the time.

After the incident, police told local news outlets that during the fight, the victim straddled Flaig to keep him from getting away and Flaig bit his testicles.

For not giving up, even in a bullshit fight — minor positive spot report. For gnawing on the guy’s junk in a bullshit fight — about ten thousand major negative spots. Dude, what were you thinking?

Oh, yeah. Judgment Juice. What thinking?

Flaig is serving one year of probation after being convicted of public intoxication and endangering the safety of another person. Officials decided not to prosecute Flaig on a second-degree assault charge.

“Endangering the safety” — by chomping on his gonads. If you weren’t a cop, you wouldn’t get that sweet little deal from the prosecutors.

Flaig’s attorney, Peter O’Neill, says Flaig’s behavior may have been a side effect of job-related stress.

via Officer accused of biting man’s testicle no longer on force | Fox News.

Same story, different link:

So he gobbled the guy’s junk, but not in a gay way? (NTTAWWT). And that was caused by job-related stress? Insert your own favorite expression of disbelief here. Seriously, have you ever been under job-related stress? Remember how it made you go gnaw on someone’s reproductive tackle?

We neither.

Job-related stress and Judgment Juice, we’re thinking. But mostly, Judgment Juice.

There’s Stupid, and There’s Putting-Out-Fires-With-Ammo Stupid.

burning ammo vanThere’s stupid, and then there’s this. Putting out fires with a van full of inflammable material, like gas, ammo, and the van’s own tires. (Yes, tires burn. Didn’t everybody watch Black Hawk Down?)

This will probably shock you, but that course of action did not extinguish the fire. Au contraire. 

Adding fuel to fires doesn’t put them out? Who knew?

Well, all of us, except that guy:

A Clay County sheriff’s deputy retreated to a safe distance from a van burning in a field Tuesday afternoon after he heard the sound of live ammunition going off inside it.

The deputy found the van burning near Old State Highway 210 and Bluff Road, south of Liberty, about 2:30 p.m., said Jon Bazzano, a spokesman for the Clay County Sheriff’s Office. The deputy had been in the middle of a traffic stop when he saw black smoke on the horizon and headed that way to investigate.

The Case of the Consumed Cargo Van. Watson, the game is afoot!

Is it a stone whodunit? No, not really.

Eventually, the deputy found the owner of the vehicle watching the fire from a distance.

The deputy learned that the owner had been burning garbage in the field and accidentally let the fire get out of control. In an attempt to put the fire out, he drove his van back and forth over the flames.

This made matters worse, as the tires of the van caught fire. Realizing that the van was loaded with firearms ammunition and a full tank of gas, the driver evacuated the area for safety.

via Man tries to put out garbage fire by driving over it in a van loaded with ammunition | The Kansas City Star.

Many a road to perdition has been associated, on reflection, with this maudlin sentiment: “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” In this case, he’s out his ammo. And the van that contained it. And he’s probably not going to have an easygoing adjuster appear when he sings the State Farm Jingle.

Looks like today’s self-incendiation day, which is not yet a word, but if trends continue, will be.

When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Cruise Ships

cruise ship venturaHey, a boat full of 3,000 British football hooligans. Unlimited alcohol. Balconies and railings cunningly deployed to tempt the foolhardy. The cold, cold English Channel in autumn.

What could possibly go wrong?

A sea and air search operation has been called off for a passenger reported to have fallen overboard from a cruise ship off the Isle of Wight.

The man is understood to have entered the water from the Ventura as it was returning to Southampton, Hampshire, from a two-week trip to the Mediterranean.

A Coastguard helicopter and RNLI lifeboats were involved in searches of an area with a 25 nautical mile radius south of St Catherine’s Point of the Isle of Wight since the early hours but the search was called off this afternoon.

The P&O ship, which can carry up to 3,200 passengers, had also retraced its route across the area to assist the search.

via Search called off for man ‘fallen from cruise ship’ off Isle of Wight – BT.

Kids, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. Especially when “outside the ride” is a 60-foot fall to a bone-crushing impact with cold, cold water. (Isle of Wight water temps: 59ºF/15ºC this week. The deeper Channel would be about the same (it averages 61º/15º in October, colder at night when this individual went in, of course, and warmer in day, but only by a degree or two on either scale).

A fit, healthy, young man would be dead of hypothermia in about six hours if he floated in the best possible position (with a personal floatation device), and in about two hours if he swam.

They don’t say it, but by the morning when they noticed ol’ Swan Dive was missing, the Coastguard helicopter and Royal National Lifeboat Institute boats were already on a recovery, not rescue, mission.

A very good and up-to-date presentation on immersion hypothermia from the USCG is here (.pdf). Bottom line, get out of the water; you’ll live longer with the wind whipping you atop your capsized boat or aircraft, than you will in the water.

And if you fall off a cruise ship? If you even think you might do that, you’d have better odds on a tropic cruise. But your best chance of all is to leave the ships for those with better sea legs (or better management of Judgment Juice use), and opt for a motor coach, all-inclusive resort, or stay-at-home vacation.

Jihadi go FOOM. Awwwww.

The Molotov Cocktail, so named in the 1930s as an insult to the then-foreign minister of the USSR, who was doing all he could to put the concept of World Revolution into action, is a deceptively simple weapon.

Naturally, anything so deceptively simple tends to deceive the simple. And no one is so simple as a violent Arab, the mathematically somewhat-short sum total of many generations of the cousin-marriage inbreeding that passes for mate selection in their boy- and goat-preference ranks. (The mean IQ of Arabs is in the 70s and 80s — from a full SD below the global mean, to on the threshold of retardation in the civilized world). Seldom has the typically low-IQ lack of safety culture been more apparent than in this image:


Burn, baby, burn! It’s a Disco Inferno!

Does he know any other dance moves? Well, yes; there are larger and other pictures of Hot Head here going around.

Kevin Williamson of National Review writes and provides credit to the photographer, who had to get his nose full of roast jihadi to get these pictures:

A news photograph from Hazem Bader, who chronicles newsworthy doings in Israel for Agence France Presse, inspired a good deal of guilty giggles on Tuesday: A Palestinian thug mishandled his Molotov cocktail and managed to set fire to his T-shirt and then to his keffiyeh, which had his compatriots scrambling to put out the flames dancing on his head. That was not the sort of halo that the holy warrior had in mind at all — martyrdom, yes, inshallah, but not right now. Like all decent people of good will, my first reaction was: Serves you right, ass. And then a smidgen of guilt: If you’ve ever seen a human being burned, you don’t wish it on anybody. Not even these Jew-hating jihadi bums.

via Palestinian Self-Immolation — Metaphor for Palestinian ExperienceNational Review Online.

We have to disagree with Kevin D. Williamson of National Review here; we do wish it on this scumbag, and all his family and friends. They can burn now with their ineptly produced and handled Molotovs, or burn later in their Iranian sponsors’ nuclear fires, or burn still later in the fires of Hell, for all we care. But while they’re dancing and burning before us now, we’ll enjoy the show.

And if he dies after a month in a burn ward — with some Israeli doctors working their hearts out to try to save him, probably — we’ll celebrate that, too.

Happy Jihad, crispy critter. You deserve every scar and every burning (see what we did there?) nerve ending.

This is not that rare an occurrence. Here’s one from 30 November 2013 in East Jerusalem.


The indifferent look of our flamer’s buddy on the left sums up Arab brotherhood. Oh, snap, there goes Abdul. Ah well, Allah willed it. The shaheed workout: feel the burn!

‘Cause it’s a disco inferno. More cowbell!

In previous Molotov cocktail coverage here (with updates, because we’re curious like that):

  • 04 Sep 12: Another victim of Hollywood special effects. We cover both the crime of the moment by a guy named Daigle and the history of Molotovs in general here. (Funny coincidence: here’s another molotov case with an NH angle and a detective named Daigle. The three firebombers all walked with probation — it was a MA court. The mastermind did get 15 years). Molotov Daigle later tried to escape while he was awaiting trial — like his other criminal enterprises. He pled guilty (that link has details on how non-mastermind his crime was — pro tip: the beer bottle that forms your assassination weapon should not match five in your trash can) and is probably out by now.
  • 22 Oct 12: When Guns are Outlawed… tells the story of two separate knucklehead Molotov attacks in California and Virginia.
  • 03 Mar 14: When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have Molotov cocktails. A brilliant but troubled Georgia Tech grad student of Iranian extraction seems to have used one in a grisly suicide attempt on 9 Feb 14. Saamer Akhshabi died from his injuries on 6 Mar 14. (We had noted short days before that “the odds are against young Akhshabi’s survival.”) Note that his professor’s page has been edited to remove the reference to Akhshabi’s possible mental illness that is in the pre-demise version quoted in the WeaponsMan post.

Shot in the Junk!

ND-shot-in-footIt happens. Just ask Daniel Allen Jr. — when he gets out of hospital. And jail. He was running from the cops when, kabango, he took a bullet in — depending on which report you want to believe — the “lower body.” Or the “groin.” Wherever it was, he lost interest in running, and threw himself on the mercy of the cops.

Unfortunately for him he’s in New Jersey, where even lawful possession of a firearm gets a first-time violator a longer sentence than  a frequent flier gets for murder. So much for mercy.

Daniel Allen Jr.’s alleged attempt to run from Cherry Hill police early Sunday morning ended abruptly — and painfully — when he accidentally shot himself, authorities said.

A statement by the Camden County Prosecutor’s Office and Cherry Hill police said only that Allen, 23, of Pennsauken, was struck in the “lower body.” Earlier reports had identified it as a groin injury.

Police did not describe the weapon.

From what we’ve seen of cops, maybe they can’t describe the weapon. Small Dog was watching some TV show about K9 cops the other day, and the cops were absolutely mystified by an ordinary .22 target pistol that some vibrant fellow Dindu Nuffin with. “What is that?” “Really weird.” “It looks German or something.”

We only got a glance at it so we didn’t have a chance to ID it as a High Standard or a Colt Woodsman, but it was one or the other. German, for the love of Mike?

And what do you think a bunch of cops who between them haven’t got one guy or gal that can recognize a .22 target pistol shoot like? When the phone doesn’t ring, it’s USA Shooting not calling ’em about the next Olympics. Anyway, why did the cops come in the first place?

Allen was allegedly involved in a fight involving a number of people outside Craft House and Beer Garden, a popular Cherry Hill bar on Route 70. Police responded around 2 a.m.

Ah yeah. 2 AM. Closing Time. The modern Witching Hour. A time when all who desire an orderly life are home abed, and when Nothing Good Happens to those who remain out and about.

As police worked to break up the fight, they saw a woman jump on Allen’s back, according to the police statement. When they approached, Allen took off running in what would be a short flee attempt, police said.

“A short flee attempt.” A grammatical English attempt, eh?

“Officers then heard a gunshot and detained Allen, who advised police that he shot himself,” police said in the release.

Actually, he probably said one of the following:

  1. [expletive deleted]
  2. “Ow, ow, OW!”
  3. “The stupid, it burns!

Allen was transported to Cooper University Hospital, where he was treated for a non-life-threatening injury, police said.

He was charged with unlawful possession of a weapon.

Hey, but his buddy had his back.

Joshua Haughton, 24, of Pennsauken, tried to retrieve the gun and was arrested on charges of obstruction of justice and tampering with evidence, police said.

via Man accidentally shoots self outside South Jersey bar.

Daniel Allen Jr., the perv. May or may not be the same Daniel Allen.

Daniel Allen Jr., the perv. May or may not be the same Daniel Allen.

Now, Daniel Allen Jr. is not a rare name, but a Daniel Allen Jr. of the same name and age recently went down for kiddie porn in the very same city’s Federal court. Same dude, out on bail pending appeal? And will getting shot-in-the-junk cure his short eyes, if so?

Getting shot in the head would.

That made us wonder — how common is getting shot in the junk? News stories are too unreliable to have statistical power. You’d need access to police databases. And you’d need to have someplace where there are so many shootings you can start to have confidence in your numbers.

In short, you’d need to be Hey Jackass, the one-time Wednesday Weapons Website of the Week that keeps track of the gunplay in the lakefront failed Third World kleptocracy of Chicongo. For instance, HJ lets you know that this year, they’ve had 406 homicides (there are a few more “death investigations” pending at any given time, which might go homicide, suicide or accident). They’ve cleared few of them (23.5% of homicides, only 8% of shooting assaults), which might be explained by a deep dive into Chicago Police Department culture — for instance, the incoming Chief of Detectives is a slug famous for fabricating a nonexistent witness statement to help a Daley family member walk on a murder.

And sure enough, HJ tells us that out of this year;’s 2,375 shooting victims, 137 were shot in the ass:


…and 36 were shot in the junk:


That represents 36/2375 or about a 1.5% chance of, if one is shot, being shot in the junk. (As you might expect for a proportionately larger target, the shot in the ass brigade is larger, at 5.8%).

Lessons reinforced: Don’t do stupid things in stupid places at stupid times with stupid people. Chicago is a stupid place.

And if you’re about to get shot, and have no way to fight back you might want to turn your back and hide behind your gluteus maximus. If you live to get ridiculed at Hey Jackass, this was good advice.

Brown Deer Matter!

Recently, this unlucky yearling was gunned down from the road in West-by-God-Virgina. And the Natural Resources Police (i.e., game wardens) posted this image on their Facebook page. There were a mass of violations here: the deer was shot out of season, in somebody’s private yard, from a motor vehicle on a public road, and its carcass was just left there to rot.  (In most cases, if wardens get to an animal in time, the department donates the meat to homeless shelters or other nonprofits, and some game butcher usually donates his  time and skill to prepare the carcass. We don’t know if that was done in this case).


No, you’re not An Operator because you can blast Albinobambi from a moving pick-up. You’re just a sphincter muscle in vaguely humanoid form.

The albino deer was well-known to locals, who were incensed by the drive-by, reckless shooting of the animal.

About Albinism

Albinism in deer, like in humans or any other mammal, results from a recessive gene that makes the recipient offspring unable to express melanin, the only pigment mammals have. Individuals who inherit a single albinism gene from one parent are “carriers”; individuals who inherit the gene from both parents are albinistic. This has consequences for the animal, as it has less protection from predators (deer depend on freezing in place and relying on camouflage as a first response to predators), certainly including poachers. And albinistic individuals lack the melanin defense against ultraviolet light; evolutionary biologists think that we humans evolved colored skin as our ancestors shed their ape hair (our nearest primate cousins, the chimps, have near-albinistic white skin, but colored hair), and that albinos are a genetic allele that’s a throwback to humans’ earliest days.

Could that ever be Fair Chase?

It may be sporting to shoot an albinistic deer. We probably wouldn’t, just on general principles — Platinum Bambi’s got it hard enough out there. But it’s absolutely not sporting to shoot it the way these jerks shot this animal. From a truck? A moving truck? In a residential area? Without any regard for where the bullet is going post-Bambi?

Crime and, if not Punishment, at least, Apprehension

On 27 Sep 15, the NRP posted:

West Virginia Natural Resources Police are asking the public for assistance in locating two men in a grey truck who shot this albino deer from their truck on Rt. 17 in Boone County at approximately 5:00 p.m yesterday.
Please call the District 5 office … message us on Facebook, or click the link to report online.

Between witness descriptions of the poachers’ truck, a small gray pickup, and tips received by the DNR cops, they had their three yahoos charged two days after making the first post:

NRP Officers in Boone County have solved the poaching case of the albino deer, charging three individuals.
West Virginia Natural Resources Police would like to say thank you to Boone County 911 and the West Virginia State Police Intelligence Unit for their help.
Most of all we would like to thank the public for their assistance in solving this case!

A neighbor of the landowner noted:

This happened right up the road from where I live. The people drove by and shot it right out of someone’s yard. The owner of the property was in his garage and he saw the people drive by and shoot it, but he couldn’t see the license plate on the truck.

This is the first year the NRP have had their Facebook page up, and it’s already paying dividends. While we can’t pretend to understand the yahoos that shoot deer from trucks, the cops can catch them by activating their social networks. Somewhere, someone that’s not a fan of poaching intersects with someone who heard these trigger-happy bozos boast, and whammy! Albinobambi is avenged.

Naturally, wags have to comment: “Brown Deer Matter!” and “They only do this for big bucks and albino deer!” but the cops vehemently disagree. And a cursory look at their page shows that they put up a picture of just about every poached deer they come across, and enough details to jog a guilty conscience, or at least, to get people listening to truckborne nimrods’ boasts.