Category Archives: Don’t be THAT guy

Bubba’s Glock is Baaaaack! And, A Safe Alternative

Something about the way a Glock’s nylon parts interact with a Dremel, a woodburning tool, or a soldering iron, seems to bring out the best beast in Bubba. For example, we had the infamous “stricken with Gleprosy” Glock we described as “a marital aid for a Komodo lizard” back in May, 2014:


Can’t unsee that, can you? That was ugly, but the one that probably inspired the most shock and horror was this one, from 4 July 2013, which we billed as: The Continuing Adventures of Bubba the Gunsmith — Glock edition.


Indeed, most sentient Bubbas would disclaim any involvement in the horror above.

The Gunbroker auction (which has now aged off GB) ended, if we recall, without the gun meeting what struck us as a stratospheric reserve.

Well, guess what? It’s baaaack!glock-19-trigger-guard

Hat tip Miguel, who says “The Fitz Special is NOT a fashionable or safe thing.” We’d actually disagree with that, because a Fitz Special was a double action revolver, so it had a stiff enough trigger pull that it would not, essentially, shoot you itself. In 2013, Bubba was selling the Frankenglock with a “DeSantis Belly Band,” which made us note:

‘Cause nothing says “Bubba is My Gunsmith” like a testicle with a 9 or 10 millimeter hole in it.

We’re not sure the twitter ad is for real because the Glock in the GB ad is described as a G23, and the Glock in the twit pic is described as a G19, even though it’s the same picture from 2013. It may be a sales scam or a come-on for a holdup.

On the other hand, the 2013 bravado about a belly band is a pretty good match for the

Anyway, if you feel unreasonably impeded by trigger guards, and don’t want to blow your balls off (or, maybe you’re a female without any, or Caitlyn Jenner/Bradley Manning looking for some way to get rid of a pair, but you’re still diffident about inflicting gunshot wounds upon your nether regions), then consider a real Fitz Special. Here’s a nice one from GunBroker; it’s on a .455 Colt New Service military pistol, with uncertain origins, but it sold for $1,000.

Colt Fitz Special

Here’s another undocumented Fitz, with a story it’s an original Fitz on a Smith and Wesson Model 37, again a completed auction from GunBroker. This one sold for $400 — somebody got a steal, even if it’s a clone.

Smith 37 Fitz Special

Conversely, the muzzle of this one looks a bit crude. Not Bubba crowning, but not as good as it might be. And the host gun is an economy-priced Charter Arms .44 Bulldog, so it’s priced accordingly: starting bid of $250.

Charter Arms Bubba Fitz

Exercise for the reader: compare the old revolver Fitz Specials or clones, to this abortion of a Glock, and count your blessings that the capability to hack metals is not as widely indulged as the capability to butcher plastics.

And if you want a Fitz Special, be patient and set a GunBroker alert. One will come to you in due course. You can stick that safely in your belly band, unlike a similarly hacked Glock.

And leave the sex-change surgery to board-certified surgeons.


Monsters, There Really are Monsters

The monster: Graf in mugshot.

The monster: Graf in mugshot.

Of course, Gregory Graf, 54, didn’t see himself as a monster. They never do. “I’m not a bad guy,” he insisted to police — while confessing to a murder that left even the most cynical cop speechless with shock. At his trial — even after confessing, he insisted on a trial because, he told his lawyer, it was “an aberration” that was “not premeditated” — he put the jurors through an experience that left them as shaken as the cops, maybe more, considering that the jurors were strangers to the irrational and horrific world of homicide.

The last piece of evidence prosecutors presented was the disturbing video that Graf produced after he killed Padgett last November.

via Gregory Graf guilty of first-degree murder, jury takes just minutes to convict – The Morning Call.

We’ll get to the disturbing video in a moment, but Jessica “Jes” Padgett, the victim, was Graf’s stepdaughter, a mother of three. He shot her in the back of the head without warning and, as nearly as anyone can figure out, without motive, except just to kill her so he could… well, you’ll see. Then he made the video that sealed his fate. As he said during his confession — which came after days of stout denials:

In a 36-minute audio recording at a state police barracks, the Allen Township man admitted he shot 33-year-old Jessica Padgett in the back of the head as she sat by a fax machine at his house, saying he neither spoke nor gave warning before taking her life.

“I’m not really a bad guy and I just lost my mind temporarily. I don’t want to hurt anybody,” Graf told investigators Nov. 26, five days after Padgett’s disappearance sparked frantic search efforts.

On the recording, Graf says he knew “that I did wrong” but still tried to cover it up. He calls what happened “hell” and a “nightmare.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” he says. “I thought I could get away with something.”

The victim: Jessica "Jes" Padgett, 33, mother of 3, and Graf's stepdaughter.

The victim: Jessica “Jes” Padgett, 33, mother of 3, and Graf’s stepdaughter.

The recording was played Thursday during emotional testimony in the Northampton County trial of Graf, who acknowledges killing Padgett, a Whitehall Township mother of three, and later taping himself performing sex acts on her body.

“At that point, my mind was still spinning, basically thinking of sex for whatever reason,” Graf related to investigators, later adding: “During that time, I tried to video. I don’t even know why.”

The monstrous nature of the crime…. it reminds one of tales of demonic possession, except that Graf doesn’t even have that defense — he kept trying to get away with it.

On the recording, Graf says he couldn’t fathom his actions. He says he remembered a Peeping Tom incident when he was a boy in Bucks County, but denies ever fantasizing about violence. He watches “a lot of porn,” he told the investigators, and had been viewing some before Padgett arrived.

In explaining why he took a .22-caliber handgun from a closet, walked up to Padgett and executed her at point-blank range, Graf says only that a “crazy thought” had come into his head.

“Did you say anything to her when you shot her?” Szczecina asks on the recording.

“No, I did not,” Graf says.

“Did she know you were going to shoot her?” the corporal adds.

“No, absolutely not,” Graf says, his voice catching.

And the toughest moment is yet to come. On Friday, District Attorney John Morganelli will wrap up his case, and plans to present the six- to seven-minute video that Graf recorded of himself abusing the dead Padgett, whose head he had covered in a plastic bag.

“He didn’t want to look at her, and the blood was freaking him out,” Trooper Barton Josefowicz III said Graf later told him.

Proof, if more proof is needed, of Graf’s monstrosity:

Josefowicz said Graf admitted he killed Padgett “to have sex with her body,” and lamented that he hadn’t chosen his neighbor, 46-year-old Karen Gundrum, as his victim instead.

Graf, as he saw himself: Facebook selfie.

Graf, as he saw himself: Facebook selfie.

That can’t have been welcome news for Ms Gundrum.

“I would have gotten away with it,” Graf said, according to Josefowicz. “No one would have known.”

This is not someone who is right in the head, but it is also someone who is a personification of evil. He planned the crime in detail, choosing a day when his wife — Jessica’s mother — was out of state, buying sex toys the day prior, prepositioning a truck at the remote site where he planned to ditch Padgett’s car, and pestering her at work to come to his home to help with a computer problem. (Those strange, persistent calls, remembered by her co-workers, led police to Graf while Padgett was missing).

After he raped her dead body — filming the misconduct — he buried her in leaves on his rural property. After his confession, he drew a diagram of her location for the police, and they were able to recover the body. He also told them where to find the video.

About that video:

it is one thing to describe the recordings, which show Graf performing sex acts on Padgett’s corpse several hours after he killed her. It is another thing to actually view them, as the nine men and three women who decided Graf’s fate now know.

He had covered her head with a plastic bag, because the blood was freaking him out. Killing her didn’t freak him out. Raping her dead body didn’t freak him out. Later, lying the whole five days she was missing wouldn’t freak him out. No, the blood freaked him out.

One juror’s eyes filled with tears while the video played. Another’s face twisted into a look of profound distaste. Another sat motionless with his hand over his mouth, his fingers pinching his eyes. The courtroom was silent.

The video was made up of eight recordings that were shot by Graf over a span of two hours using two cameras. It was presented on a screen that was purposefully placed away from the view of the audience, where many members of Padgett’s family sat. Others chose to stay away — including Bittner and Padgett’s father, Thomas Kaczmar, who took their seats only after it was over.

Even the sounds from the recordings were taxing to hear, with Graf at one point speaking profanely to Padgett’s lifeless body, whose head he had covered in a plastic bag. The actual images were even worse.

McMahon, the defense attorney, didn’t look at the display as the video played, keeping his eyes averted and swiveling his chair away. His client also did not look, busying himself reading court papers in front of him.

The only noise beyond the recordings was the occasional voice of Assistant District Attorney Patricia Mulqueen as each snippet ended.

“OK, the next video please,” she would say, breaking the silence.

She’s a hard woman. If she wasn’t before this case, she is now.

Beforehand, [Judge] Baratta had warned jurors that they should not allow the video to unduly sway their emotions, a cautionary instruction typical when potentially inflammatory evidence is presented.

“From what I understand this is not a pleasant video. It is maybe quite upsetting,” Baratta said.

“Please know,” he told the panel, “if you don’t feel comfortable watching the entire video, you don’t have to watch the entire video.”

The jurors all made it through, though when it was over, they sat silently with vacant expressions even several minutes later.

After that, the defense attorney, who never disputed that Graf committed the murder, who agreed publicly that it was “an evil act,” and who argued only for a second-degree verdict on grounds that the killing was an act of impulse, not a premeditated first-degree killing, chose not to put on Graf, or any defense witnesses or evidence at all. The case went to the jury, then, right after these videos.

The jury returned with the verdict: guilty, murder-one — in six minutes.

About the same elapsed time as the total of Graf’s unspeakable necrophilia videos.

Pennsylvania being a postcivilizational state, has a death penalty on the books, but Governor Tom Wolf is more opposed to the death of Gregory Graf than any number of Jessica Padgetts, so he has unilaterally suspended it, reprieving 186 bestial murderers, as well as taking the penalty off of Graf, whose case was pending when Wolf stepped in to save his life. (Hey, it’s a swing state: Wolf needs every vote, and it’s not like the victims were doing him any good. Right now, they can’t vote while they’re locked up, unlike other criminal-coddling jurisdictions, but Wolf is working on that. The State Supreme Court overturned prohibitions on parolees and probationers in 2000). The Pennsylvania DAs had a response to that:

A moratorium is just a ploy. Make no mistake, this action is not about waiting for a study– it’s about the governor ignoring duly enacted law and imposing his personal views against the death penalty.

Accordingly, Graf will be sentenced to life in prison. In Pennsylvania, apparently, Con Lives Matter.

Bradley Manning “feels like a freak and a weirdo.” No $#!+ ?

Bradley Manning Support NetworkIckle Bwadwey is suing the Army because they took away his tranny wank mag and made him cut his hair, even though the delusional traitor is getting hormones because he feels like he’s female. Michael Isikoff1 has the story at Yahoo (Isikoff’s errors in pronouns have been corrected).

“Plaintiff feels like a freak and a weirdo,” Manning asserts in his complaint, “not because having short hair makes a person less of a woman — but because for him, it undermines specifically recommended treatment and sends the message to everyone that he is not a ‘real’ woman.”

via Chelsea Manning ‘feels like a freak’ with 2-inch prison haircut, sues Army.

Er, he’s not a real woman. And he is a freak and a weirdo. (And a traitor, but that doesn’t seem to be in dispute in the instant proceedings).

Well, no matter what rough path he’s tread, the long journey to recovery begins with recognizing you have a problem. This is progress, Bradley.

When you feel like a woman, Brad, that’s not authentic and in harmony with the physical world. When you feel like a freak and a weirdo, we’re getting somewhere.

“I felt gross — like Frankenstein’s monster wandering around the countryside avoiding angry mobs with torches and pitchforks,” he wrote in a blog post from prison. Feeling “humiliated, hurt and rejected,” he felt like “giving up” and said he “cried and cried and cried and sniffled a little bit, and then cried some more.”

Cue Harry Nilsson! (NSFW)

No wait, he’d like that.

The drama-queen drag queen is working with the criminal liberties and al-Qaeda bar on multiple lawsuits.

With the help of a premier civil liberties law firm, he is working on an appeal —likely to be filed early next year — of his 2013 conviction for violations of the Espionage Act. He will argue, among other points, that he was in fact a whistleblower who exposed U.S. government abuses and was never given the opportunity to present his motives during his court martial.

Simultaneously, Manning is pursuing a separate lawsuit challenging his treatment in prison. It is a novel case that could pose an awkward dilemma for the Obama administration, which has publicly championed the rights of transgender individuals, including those in prison, yet now stands accused of violating those rights when it comes to the most high-profile transgender inmate in U.S. custody.

Right out of the Alinsky playbook, that.

It must be rough to be Bradley’s cellmate. Pro: uh, “release.” Con: you gotta get it from Bradley, and it’s the only way to get him to stop caterwauling in dramatic tears, or singing that GD Shania Twain song, “Man, I Feel Like a Woman.” But relax, guy, you’re not stuck with Brad forever.

He gets out in 2047.

Until then, close your eyes and think of some real chick.

Hey — if you’re a Unique and Special Snowflake™ who can’t deal with life in the jug, there are ways to stay out, ways that have been pioneered by 99 repeating percent of society since time immemorial. These prison-avoidance strategies are generally centered on not committing felonies. It’s so easy even most of your fellow mixed-up, tossed-up, never-come-down trannies do it, which is why you’re so ronery and so awfuwwy arone in Castle Leavenwolf.

Isikoff, who is sympathetic to Manning and generally hostile to the military, finds the Leavenworth loser’s predicament “poignant.” He’s missing the vast seam of humor to be mined here.


  1. Isikoff is the guy who at Newsweek initially reported, and then agreed to spike for politics’s sake, the Monica Lewinsky story, losing his scoop to Matt Drudge. He is beloved among journalists for taking one for the team, that way.

When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have the Secret Service

US-SecretService-StarLogo.svgEver wonder just what the Secret Service is keeping secret? Read on. But you may be sorry you asked.

A Secret Service officer assigned to the White House was arrested after he was caught in a sting sending naked pictures of himself to someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl from Delaware, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Thursday.

Lee Robert Moore turned himself in to the Maryland State Police Barracks on Monday, the same day the complaint was filed against him in the U.S. District Court for Delaware.

The complaint details a series of online chats between Moore, 37, and a Delaware State Police detective posing as a 14-year-old girl from Delaware. Moore is alleged to have sent naked photos of himself to the undercover officer and requested to meet in person to have sex.

via First on CNN: Secret Service officer arrested in child sex sting | Politics – Home.

Don’t these guys know by now that every 14-year-old Lolita on the net’s real first name is invariably “Officer,” “Deputy,” “Trooper,” or “Special Agent?” Something tells us that Moore was not one of the intellectual giants of the US Secret Service. Their chess team will not have to forfeit any matches just ’cause he’s headed to the Big House.

Want the details? Brace yerself:

“May seem like a small thing in the grand scheme, but I would take immense pleasure in pulling those shorts off your hips and down your cute little legs. Be exciting to try I mean id be nervous but still be fun. Just wouldn’t want to bore u,” Moore wrote in the exchange, which was included in the complaint. He then began asking about sex and became more graphic.

On September 1, Moore reached out to the officer again via Meet24. Moore said he had deleted his Kik account to be safe, “do you know how many fake female profiles are out there, a guy needs some reassurance that he is talking to who he thinks he is talking to, and not, I shudder to think.”

secretservice_logoHe thought he was shuddering then? You should see him now. Two words, Moore: “general population.” Kind of puts the lie to the SS slogan, displayed left.

But wait, there’s one more detail that CNN missed… it’s where Moore was when he was pedotexting.

According to the liberal blog Talking Points Memo, Moore sent some of the texts from his duty station at the White House. (He was a uniformed Secret Service officer, not the Men In Black kind).

Yikes. We have our points of difference with the President but it seems to us that he is a proud and dedicated father of two teen daughters… this has got to creep him out, just as a dad. So you have to wonder, as you almost always do with criminals: what in the blue blazes was Moore thinking? Or maybe the question is what was he thinking with? Ewwwwww. For once we could not blame a President if he sicced every form of national retribution on this guy.

Exercise for the reader: imagine some low-level KGB dude doing this in Putin’s Kremlin. The only question is whether he’d enter the food chain: Arctic Siberia? Some barren continental desert? Or the depths of the Sea of Okhotsk?

Meanwhile, the senior managers of the Secret Service took time off from paying themselves and all their worst bad actors bonuses, to deal with the public relations impact of this latest scandal. Responses under consideration include leaking Jason Chaffetz’s 2001 application again.

No, There’s No Terrorists Among the ‘Migrants.’

eshati_mugshotDefinitely not Abdurraouf Eshati, 29, (pronunciation: Ab-doo-ah-ROOF is-SHIT-ty works for us) who claims to be from Wales but was busted with a bunch of other dodgy Arabs exploiting Europe’s open borders. CNN reports:

The prosecution said Eshati had been among 20 people found in a truck after police searched it in Dover, a English port close to the entrance to the Channel Tunnel linking Britain and France.

“He was challenged and searched after he was seen by an officer to be acting suspiciously and using his phone,” a Crown Prosecution Service statement said. “Following a search of his phone, two documents were found which led to his arrest and charge for possessing a collection of information likely to be of use to a person preparing or committing an act of terrorism.”

Gee, what did he have?

…false papers that Eshati had given to an immigration tribunal in 2012

Well, and there was this crude flight plan of how to deliver the arms to the rebels in the field. So yeah, there was that.

Well, and there was this crude flight plan of how to deliver the arms to the rebels in the field. So yeah, there was that.

Well, what’s the big deal? All these guys give false papers. Here in the USA, if they don’t know how to get them, false documents and stolen identities are all part of the friendly services provided by immigration lawyers and a network of open-borders non-profits. What’s so special about Abdurraouf here?

Everyone knows the papers are forged or stolen, including the immigration judges, who are generally elevated from the ranks of the immigration lawyers who act as coin-operated middlemen between the forgers and thieves and their huddled clients yearning to live for free.

So what’s so special about this one turd blossom?

…an invoice for … the hiring of a cargo plane to be used in Libya.

eshatis_order_formOh, come on. Surely everyone rents a cargo plane for use in a jihadi civil war once in a lifetime. What else have you got?

…images on his mobile phone showing an invoice for ammunition worth $28.5 million…

First reaction: envy his ammo budget.

Second reax: OK, that looks bad, but surely we defame Abdurraouf by calling him a terrorist?

Well, except he doesn’t think it’s defamation, calling him by the name he has earned. He pled guilty. And the fact that using information in his phone, police seized warehouses of weapons in Italy and rolled up a whole network of jihadi arms smugglers.


One of the details CNN leaves out: according to the BBC, he didn’t just live in Wrexham, Wales, UK, but he lived in the jihadi/terrorist mosque there, the Wrexham Islamic and Cultural Centre. (Islamic Culture? That’s what they do with orange jumpsuits and knives). Why did he live in the mosque? He was one of the imams. CNN spares you that knowledge, you delicate flower, you. After all, he wasn’t the main imam. (What does that guy have on his phone, an invoice for $100 million in nerve gas?) Some more deets from the BBC:

Eshati was caught trying to get to France in the back of a lorry with 19 other people at the port of Dover in Kent on 30 November, last year.
On his mobile phone, police found an invoice from an arms supplier for the sale and delivery of ammunition to Tobruk in Libya and a document about chartering a cargo jet for £163,000 for use in Libya.
Eshati also had images on his phone of militia group activists, a beheading and armaments in action which, the prosecution said, showed his allegiance to the Zintan people.

abdurrouf eshatis armsGee. Anything else:

The court was told electronic documents found outlined a plan to send 1,100 tonnes of ammunition to Libya, via a contact in Italy, in support of the Zintan people there.
During their investigation, police searched Eshati’s room at Wrexham Islamic Cultural Centre where they found a number of letter-headed documents which were blank, apart from a stamp and a signature which the prosecution said was a forger’s kit.

The image on the right is some of his $28.5 million worth of Religion of Peace stuff, as intercepted in Italy.

Update II

Sure, Abdurraouf was on his way out of the UK to France, making the usual use terrs and crims make of the Schengen Agreement, but what about terrs coming in? 

Relax. We got them too. Go to the Daily Mail to meet Mehdi ben Nasr. This upstanding chap turned up in a shipment of “refugees” that was all jihadis, and it turns out he , too, has a history:

Mehdi was one of 14 Algerians and Tunisians arrested in 2007 including two in London. Ali Ben Zidane Chehidi and Mohamed Salah Ben Hamadi Khemiri, were arrested in the UK accused of forging documents for jihadis. They were extradited to Italy but eventually cleared.
The group, which had been under investigation since 2003, set up ‘Salafist jihadi’ militant cells which recruited and assisted would-be suicide bombers.
They were also accused of illegal immigration, falsifying identity documents and helping hide people sought for terrorist activity.

Who’s next? Hassan ben Sober and the Emir of Schmo?

A Different (and better?) Look at Crime Statistics

no-crime-zoneJeff Asher of New Orleans, a city noted for a triphammer murder rate, has a beef with the way people usually analyze gun crime: by looking at murders. He argues that it’s better to look at shootings, which he defines as, “any incident in which a person is struck by a bullet fired by someone else.”

Murder makes an imperfect proxy for crime for several reasons. First, murders are rare enough (unless you’re lucky[?] enough to be in NOLA, DC, or Chicongo) that normal variability is going to introduce confounding effects, not to mention that their low numbers yield poor statistical power. And the real reason people use murder as a proxy for crime is not just because it’s the statistic we have, it’s also a statistic that’s harder than the others for the white shirts to game. Asher writes (at

[T]wo unrelated cases in one of the country’s worst cities for gun violence can help us understand why murder statistics alone are a bad metric for measuring gun violence trends. Both featured groups of gunmen firing wildly in the vicinity of innocent bystanders, but only one ended in a tragedy receiving extended public attention. So even though 90 percent of New Orleans murders are committed with a gun, looking at total shooting incidents tells us more — by focusing attention on all the gun violence in a city, in addition to those shootings that end in a fatality

We could quibble with his using “shootings” rather than murders on a couple of points: it’s probably better to look at armed robberies to see the real impact of “gun crime,” because 90-95% of robberies don’t involve a firearm discharge, but their impact on the quality of urban life is enormous. And if “murder rate” is the crime you watch, crime seems to go down steadily — as your emergency departments get better and save more shot-up gangbangers. But as we mentioned, these are quibbles.

Murders in Baltimore may be all over the place, but since city and national politicians declared war on the police in June, 2015, shootings are doing what Asher says, showing us a truer picture of violence in the city:


Unfortunately, most cities, even the ones using CompStat or other data-gathering systems, don’t gather data that supports this granularity. So far, Asher has secured data from New Orleans (where he used to do this kind of stuff for the city) and Baltimore.

Asher has an interesting blog at the New Orleans Advocate, Behind the Numbers. As he writes:

The goal is to look deeply at underlying data to see what it tells us — in hopes of being able to say not just what’s happening, but why it’s happening. We’ll begin with a focus on New Orleans crime….

Asher may be a typically shallow, well-credentialed and poorly educated media writer for all we know: ready to blame Teh GUNZ!! and the cismale heteronormative patriarchy for why armed robbers feel comfortable threatening people with death to steal their money. He could be. But unlike the average reporter, Asher is not innumerate. That makes his blog instantly worth more than most newspaper crime writing, which usually launches from the two pinnacles of 1) ignorance of crime & criminals and 2) absolute conviction that one’s Columbia Journalism School ticket bestows Deep & Penetrating Insight.

Having someone trained in statistics is essential to avoiding mistaken conclusions. For example, he has traced some “crime rate improvements” in NOLA to the NOPD’s lousy and worsening response times.

[L]onger responses are deflating crime statistics by increasing the likelihood that a crime will be found unfounded. Using publicly available data we can estimate that about 6 percent more crimes are being marked unfounded in 2015 than would have been had response rates stayed at 2014 levels. This translates to over 1,000 more crimes being marked unfounded than expected over the course of a year, all because of slower responses.’

How slow? Data Jeff posted to this item show that responses to the most serious calls Priority 3, have increased to a half hour in 2015. The average crime against a person, from robbery to homicide, takes an hour for the unit to report on site. No wonder criminal shooters are acting emboldened in the Crescent City.

Violent crimes against people get the best response, but “best” is relative:

[T]here have been 50 aggravated assaults and batteries in 2015 in which victims had to wait more than 10 hours for a response.

We wonder how different Jeff’s charts would look if he charted median response times, not means which can be skewed by a few outliers.

Our focus is on Jeff’s stats-jitsu here, but the Advocate also has been running some heartbreaking stories about what the sclerotic police response means to crime victims. (In one case, after Sofia Froeba was carjacked and left unconscious and bleeding in the street, the cops not only didn’t respond to the scene, but their “investigation” consisted of calling her cell phone — taken by the carjacker — and marking her report “unfounded” when she didn’t answer!)

Remember when TSA Failed 95% of tests?

tsa checkpointActually, the thieves and gropers failed 95.7% of tests, 67 of 70, but let’s not pick nits. No, this is the report where we tell you how much they’ve improved. Right?

Wait, what? Why are you laughing?

Well, you’re right to laugh. It turns out that the Turkeys Standing Around still Totally Suck at Anything. Except for sucking up $8 Billion annually, with nothing but a 4.3% success rate at detecting weapons to show for it.

Five months later, things at TSA haven’t improved, weapons are being smuggled onto planes, many layers of security are non-existent and morale among employees is in the toilet.

According to Homeland Security Inspector General John Roth, a second round of testing in September 2015 shows TSA is still missing major security breaches.

“In September 2015, we completed and distributed our report on our most recent round of covert testing. The results are classified at the Secret level, and the Department and this Committee have been provided a copy of our classified report.”

So, this guy can go before Congress and tell them his agency totally sucks, but he can’t tell them how or why the agency sucks at what remains, honestly, its single, solitary job, despite TSA bureaucrats’ attempt to grab power over other modes of transportation. Presumably to bring them the vastly overpaid sub-5% performance they bring to airport screening. But he can’t really say.

Why can’t he say? Channeling the Interim Number Two, “That would be telling.”

IG John Roth’s testimony to the House Oversight Committee continued:

TSA justifiably classifies at the Secret level the validated test results; any analysis, trends, or comparison of the results of our testing; and specific vulnerabilities uncovered during testing. Additionally, TSA considers other information protected from disclosure as Sensitive Security Information. While I cannot talk about the specifics in this setting, I am able to say that we conducted the audit with sufficient rigor to satisfy the standards contained within the Generally Accepted Government Auditing Standards, that the tests were conducted by auditors within our Office of Audits without any special knowledge or training, and that the test results were disappointing and troubling,

Disappointing? Check. It’s always a disappointment when the TSA fails at its one, simple job. Troubling? Ditto, it’s always troubling, too. But notice that he didn’t say it was “surprising.” After a dozen years of privacy-invading Rapescan machines, literally thousands of stealing and groping employees quietly dismissed without being charged, and no security audit ever having been passed, ever, what surprise could remain? Perhaps if they succeeded at something, but who thinks that will ever happen?

We ran multiple tests at eight different airports of different sizes, including large category X airports across the country, and tested airports using private screeners as part of the Screening Partnership Program. The results were consistent across every airport. Our testing was designed to test checkpoint operations in real world conditions. It was not designed to test specific, discrete segments of checkpoint operations, but rather the system as a whole. The failures included failures in the technology, failures in TSA procedures, and human error. We found layers of security simply missing. It would be misleading to minimize the rigor of our testing, or to imply that our testing was not an accurate reflection of the effectiveness of the totality of aviation security.

via Surprise: TSA Hasn’t Improved Since Failing 95 Percent of Security Tests – Katie Pavlich.

So, to clarify, they can’t tell you anything about how the department is underperforming. Just that it is underperforming. And that no one has been, or will be, held accountable. Situation normal.

You had one job, TSA. One. Job.

Fort Bragg MPs — Zero to Full Retard in About Two Seconds

hp_SauceCNN Reports on a case of extreme HP at Fort Bragg. It resulted in this post being made — and jeered extensively — on the Fort Bragg facebook page.

Last evening a Soldier attempted to gain access to Fort Bragg through one of our access control points.

“Access Control Point” is self-important MP talk for a “gate.” They hate being reminded they’re gate guards, so they inflate the terminology. In plain English, then, they’re saying,” A soldier tried to come in the gate.”

The Soldier was dressed as a suicide bomber with simulated explosive vest. The incident resulted in an emergency response, EOD clearing the entire scene and an extended closure of a gate. Although the incident remains under investigation, initial reports indicate it was a Halloween costume.

For certain people in the military, it’s always April 1st, and they’re always That Guy that doesn’t get the joke.

The incident is under investigation, according to CNN affiliate WTVD.

via Suicide bomber costume at Fort Bragg creates alert –

suicide-bomber-schoolNow, the other side of the coin is the guy who rolled up to the gate in this get-up, knowing he was about to face both rent-a-cops (or are they Federal Protective Service? No matter. Same thing) backed up by the MPs, who are legendary for their robust humor and sharp intellects — not. No doubt the powers that be are looking for some way to fry him. Monday morning, some Staff Judge Advocate was stuck explaining to a colonel or general — you know the type, his mind hasn’t been tasked much since he had to memorize the playbook while majoring in football at Central Flyover Cow College — that no, you can’t prosecute PFC Joe Tentpeg for violating a regulation or order you emplaced in reaction to him doing S2 (as in D2S2, the usual SJA advice to the troops).

Anyone want to bet on this guy’s rank, MOS and unit of assignment? We’re going with SP4, one of the electronic warfare MI MOSes (like Bradley Manning), and Support Company of one of the SF Groups; we’re going to put that marker down before ringing anybody up.

Still, as foolish as Joe Tentpeg was to pull this stunt, what about the organizational overreaction.  MPs closed the gate for a Halloween costume. On Halloween, for Pete’s sake.

If you came as a Walking Dead zombie, would they put the whole post in MOPP 4? Never mind; forget we said that. It’s never good to beam an idea into the cavernous spaces in an Provost Marshal’s skull.

WTVD-11 reports, actually, that the HP went far beyond the MPs and provoked a stern jeremiad from the Garrison Commander (generally a position filled by a man or woman who must be given some make-work assignment, to prevent interference with actual operational units).

“The Fort Bragg Garrison Commander wants the community to have a safe and fun Halloween; however costumes of this sort are not allowed on Fort Bragg,” a statement read. “All costumes should be appropriate in dress and tasteful.”

The statement goes on to say soldiers, families and civilian government employees should not dress in distasteful costumes off post, either.

Who decides what’s distasteful? Some window-licker who can’t tell a suicide bomber from a Halloween costume at zero paces?

The Fayetteville Observer noted that:

An explosive ordnance disposal team was called and the gate was closed for an extended period of time, according to the post, which was put up Saturday afternoon.

EOD. Really. What’s EOD going to do with a Halloween costume? On the bright side, the render safe procedure is a slam dunk.

And the same newspaper pointed out that the Garrison Commander’s Facebook post said this, verbatim, after explicitly banning suicide bomber costumes:

The senior commander of Fort Bragg further directs that soldiers not wear costumes of this sort off post and strongly encourages soldiers, DA civilians and family members to follow the same guidance to prevent similar issues within our neighboring communities.

A couple of hours later, that Facebook post had gone the way of the Lusitania. A couple of hours after that, the Lusitania resurfaced with an even funnier post (although all the humor still remained unintentional).

Yesterday, Fort Bragg posted a message about appropriate and safe costumes for Soldiers and their families. The message was required because of an individual who tried to come on post wearing a suicide bomber costume. Residents of Fort Bragg were instructed not to wear costumes of such a nature and theme, and the leadership requested that anyone traveling off post use the same guidelines.

Unfortunately, we had to remove the entire post because comments on it were either profane, sophomoric, or did not treat the subject seriously. Please take note that this is a family-friendly website meant to inform and keep our families safe, many of whom have directly felt the effects of real – not costumed – suicide bombers.

We could digress for hours on the idea of a website to “keep our families safe,” which, if that’s how Fort Bragg does it, suggests that “our families” had better be prepared to shift for themselves.

Bottom line: US Army Garrison Fort Bragg — still retarded. Who’s really being sophomoric here, the garrison commander staining his pants over a Halloween costume, or the non-fools out here jeering at him?

When Guns Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Bikes

Laurence Jarvik doesn’t think bicycles are safe in traffic:

Thus, Brewer had become yet another victim of a “Share the Road” transportation ideology apparently based upon the premises of the civil rights movement, which in an absurd attempt at vehicular integration inevitably puts cyclists and vehicles on a collision course, only making such tragedies ever more likely to recur.

Brewer’s death was avoidable. In the 20th Century, transportation engineers figured out the principles used to separate bicycles from automobile traffic, based upon the reasonable premise that the two different types of vehicles had incompatible characteristics.

Cars and trucks are heavy, drive fast, and take up a lot of space. Bicycles are slower, lighter, and take up less room. The optimal solution, obviously, is to segregate bicyclists from drivers. Separate bikes lanes are a first step, completely isolated bicycle paths even more desirable. Under no circumstances should bicycles “share the road” with cars, trucks, and buses.

via LaurenceJarvikOnline: “Share the Road”…and Die..

He also doesn’t care much for the entitled attitude of urban hipster bikers, as illustrated by this entirely NSFW music video:

He saw that sense of entitlement in a recent meeting with a bike-riding hipster professor:

He was, he told us, educated at a school for the “transnational global elite” and as a cyclist felt himself to be a member of an “imagined community” which distinguished itself from the “other” community–those who drive cars. His community of cyclists was “green,” but automobiles were destroying the planet. His cycles were so much better than cars, that he felt good about organizing groups of bicycle riders to travel in groups, blocking entire lanes on heavily traveled roads in order to slow down traffic, using laws that treat bicycles equally to cars.

In fact, he came to realize that mere equality for bicycles was not enough, rather he sought to transform existing motor vehicle law to secure additional privileges for bicycles–such as not stopping at red lights.

We love bikes and riding, and we simultaneously hate that guy. Don’t be that guy.

What About SecDef Priorities?

prioriy_listA while back we were agog at the priorities of outgoing Secretary of the Army John McHugh. Since he’s just an Indian in that tribe, we assume some of that nonsense came from higher. We searched in vain for any listing of the Secretary of Defense’s priorities. Unlike McHugh, who boldly admitted his priorities were related only to “social justice” and not to preparing the national defense, SecDef Ashton Carter has not put anything down in writing. He did, however, give a speech shortly after his appointment, from which his priorities may be derived

Mr. Obama would be in need of “the best military support” as he makes tough decisions in the coming months.

It’s all about personal service to the Cult of Personality. We suppose that Carter has discovered now what everybody else in and out of DC has known for a while: the President is not interested in military advice, not from professionals, let alone from another zero-point-zero-zero-miles-under-rucksack politician. Like other famous personality-cult godheads in history, the President knows he’s a better general than his generals. The German acronym for it is Gröfaz. 

The new defense chief made the comments during an all-hands-on-deck meeting in the basement of the Pentagon two days after he was sworn into office. Mr. Carter is Mr. Obama’s fourth defense secretary and the second Pentagon chief to be tasked with destroying and defeating a violent extremist group known as the Islamic State.

Funny… that does not seem to have been something Carter prioritized, or even pays any attention to.

“It’s a rough world out there,” he said. “There’s a lot going on.”

One is reminded of Homer Simpson’s dictum: “Life is a bunch of stuff that just happens.” Emphasis in the next line is ours.

Mr. Carter briefly mentioned the barbaric acts taking place in the Middle East and “historical throwbacks in Europe” as his prime concerns.

whiteflagHistorical throwbacks? Does he mean the mohammedan invasion? Probably not. More likely, he’s referring to fear of a native European backlash. That’s his “historical throwback.” Or maybe he means Vladimir Vladimirovich’s saber rattling? That has been met on the US side solely with determination to raise the white flag higher. How’s that working out so far?

But as miserable as all that may seem, there are “tremendous, bright opportunities” on the horizon for the military and nation, Mr. Carter said.“We are not only the finest fighting force in the world, but I think we’re the brightest beacon of hope in the world,” he said. “If you want evidence of that, take a look at all the friends. … Our antagonists have none or few, and that’s a reflection of the fact that our values and our conduct and our leadership are followed.”

You mean, “friends” like the Iraqis and Afghans, our coin-op BFFs who have already, at least in the case of Iraq, discovered that the USA talks a good game but the Russians and Iranians come to play ball?

That force needs to be protected from financial woes and resource challenges tied to a congressional budget plan known as sequestration, Mr. Carter said. In order to achieve that goal, the Pentagon will have to “convincingly make the case” to the American public for the need to spend more on the military, he said. Sequestration must not be a threat to the Defense Department, Mr. Carter said.“That is unsafe. It’s dangerous. It’s wasteful and it’s unwise,” he said. “You’ll see me doing everything I can, everything a secretary of defense can do to try to bring our country together and get us out of the wilderness of sequester. We don’t belong there. That’s not what our people deserve. That’s not what this institution deserves.”

via Ashton Carter priorities as defense secretary include Pentagon funds, Obama advice – Washington Times.

OK, so that’s his priority, that’s his hill to die on. To fight against Congressionally-imposed budget cuts so that he can implement executive-preferred budget cuts instead.

At least he seems aware that (1) there are wars on that our guys are in, unlike McHugh, and (2) there is trouble on the high seas that we might get into, unlike Mabus. But for somebody that wants to be Secretary of Defense, that’s not exactly high-functioning. It’s more like a partial brain stem function. Most of his own Administration would write him off as a veg and euthanize him, on this basis, if he weren’t useful to them.

For what, we’re not entirely sure.