Category Archives: Don’t be THAT guy

When Guns are Outlawed, only Outlaws Will Have Crazy Girlfriends

The look of cray-cray: Shaynna Sims smirks at the mugshot machine.

The face of bughouse cray-cray: Shaynna Sims smirks at the mugshot machine.

The good news: the victim in this case was already dead (none of the stories say, of what, which, given the decedent’s rival’s relative youth, is interesting). But at least this particular crime isn’t a murder. That’s pretty much the full reach and extent of the good news.

Prosecutors added a fourth felony charge against 26-year-old Shaynna Sims on Thursday, accusing her of removing both breasts and a toe of the deceased woman during a viewing at a funeral home in Tulsa. If convicted, she could face up to five years in prison.

What, that’s it?

‘Fraid so. Fact is, our laws were evolved for the usual run of axe whackers and baby rapers, an element of society that always seems to have been there, at least since Cain slew Abel. The law’s just not ready for Industrial Strength Bughouse Cray-Cray®.

Sims was arrested at the dead woman’s apartment after she attended the viewing on April 30. Police said Sims also stole the dead woman’s shoes and was carrying a knife with the woman’s hair attached to it.
Witnesses told officers they saw Sims reach into the casket during the viewing. The dead woman’s face was found slashed from her hairline to the tip of her nose, her makeup was smeared and her hair was on the floor, police said. The additional mutilation of the woman’s body was discovered as it was being prepared for cremation.

via Oklahoma woman accused of removing dead rival’s body parts – SFGate.

Sims and the decedent were apparently romantic rivals for Sumdood, who goes unnamed in the story. He must be a real prize.

Note: no guns involved, but the Bat Guano Crazy® is strong with this one.

How would you deal with her, if you could imagine your own perfect set of laws into being?

What’s the right penalty for Shaynna Sims? free polls


Decisions, decisions.

Can’t she collect ’em all?

Is he Trouble, or a Trouble Magnet?

George Zimmerman artActually, we wanted to use a crude word beginning with “A,” after a girl we knew who was an A—— Magnet. But we didn’t, we used “Trouble.” And he is George Zimmerman, whom I think we all expected to retire to obscurity after he was tried for his self-defense shooting of young thug Trayvon Martin. George has not fulfilled that expectation in any way, shape or form: his latest advent into the headlines is not like his rather admirable foray into art (left). Nope: media are reporting he got shot in the face in a road rage incident. George’s wounds are not life-threatening. (Update: the round was fired at him, and entered the cabin of his truck, but missed; he was injured only by flying glass. George does not seem to have returned fire). 



So, trouble, or trouble magnet?

zimmerman_involved_2_fox_35It’s worth noting that the media, deeply invested in the Saint Trayvon story and the six-years-out-of-date angelic kid picture, initially reported only, “George Zimmerman involved in road rage shooting” — not that George was the shoot-ee, not the shoot-er. Initial media reports are often wrong, of course, and when the media has a prefab Narrative handy, they’re almost always wrong.

The story has been a great chance for the media to stir up the Trayvon crowd, though, and recap the frequent “Zimmerman arrest!” highly hyped stories, none of which has turned into charges against the most famous Peruvian-American in the country, let alone convictions. 

zimmerman_involved_1_fox_35According to Fox 35 Orlando (which initially ran with the juicy hed, ZIMMERMAN INVOLVED IN SHOOTING (caps theirs, since broomed), the shooter may be a man named Matthew Apperson who has a long-running dispute with Zimmerman, and who accused him of a road rage attack in September, 2014, in a case that collapsed due to Apperson’s shifting story and lack of corroborating evidence.

Zimmerman was treated and released at a hospital in Sanford, FL (other media suggests he was only hit with glass from a gunshot that missed him), and was interviewed on the scene by police; his Honda Ridgeline, showing a bullet hole in the passenger side window, has been towed. Apperson has also spoken to police.

Police are likely to get to the bottom of the story a lot sooner and more accurately than the hacks at Fox 35 Orlando or any other media outlet. (The reporters and editors at Fox 35 didn’t blurb or promote the new headline like they did the ones shown here suggesting Zimmerman was the shooter. Media ethics for you!)

More media:

The Naked Truth

It looks like a routine domestic if you just snip a bit of the story from Michigan:

The Clare County sheriff’s department says 23-year-old Jessie Schwaub-Devault of Harrison left her husband and child along U.S. 127 about 4:30 a.m. Tuesday.

The department says Schwaub-Devault refused to stop but eventually got out of her SUV and ran before being arrested.

The sheriff’s department says Shwaub-Devault was arraigned Wednesday on charges of drunken driving, fleeing police, indecent exposure and child abuse. It says 32-year-old Joshua Devault was arraigned on indecent exposure and child abuse charges.

But wait, indecent exposure? Yeah. Ms Schwaub-Dewalt was naked during this whole escapade. The presence of Judgment Juice has been confirmed. And what about Mr Dewault? He, too, was wearing nothing but, presumably, a goofy smile. No word on whether the minor Dewault was also de-clothed.

There is a mugshot of Ms Schwaub-Dewalt at the link, in what we presume to be a jail t-shirt. From what we can see, we have no urge to see Ms Schwaub-Dewalt without clothing.

Now, how often does something like this happen? Well, that one was Tuesday, in Michigan. This one was last week, In West Virginia:

Police say they got a 911 call about 1:30 a.m. about a naked woman waking across the Motel 6 parking lot on Goff Mountain Road.

A few moments later, a panic alarm was reported at the One Stop convenience store on the same road.

When the sheriff’s deputy arrived, he found Drema Setliff, 30, in the store.

Police say she had tried to lock the front door and demanded the clerk open the register and take her to the safe. Setliff allegedly grabbed the clerk’s hair and yelled for her to open the safe.

She wasn’t wearing any clothes but was partially covered by a white towel she was holding.

Police say she said, “take me to jail.”

The cops were pleased to do what she asked.

In this case, no word on whether Judgment Juice (or some other Bad Idea Enhancer) played a role. In this case, too, the young lady, 30-year-old Drema Sutliff, has been clothed before being mugshot, and the mugshot hints that she, too, would not be mistaken for an image of Aphrodite if she shed her garments.

Plain fact: most of us are not irresistibly beautiful in our birthday suits. Drunk, or sober.

Canada on Terrorism: “Go, and Kill Some More.”

The Canadian Judiciary has an interesting approach to murderous terrorists: it turns them loose to kill  again.  The bearded sphincter muscle in this picture is one Omar Khadr, who killed a member of a special mission unit, Christopher Speer, and blinded an SF soldier, Layne Morris, in one eye — after feigning surrender. Released from Gitmo by American squishes, he went to Canada, the absolute galactic epicenter of squishdom, where his family, Al-Qaeda and ISIL supporters all, are maintained in upper-middle-class conditions by the Canadian welfare system.

Canadian Premier Steven Harper did what he could to keep Khadr in prison where he belongs, but slimeball lawyers like the little Al-Qaeda hireling with him — one Nate Whitling — managed to get him sprung so that he can kill again.

In the past, we called Omar Khadr “a terrorist asp that suckled at Canada’s breast.” Rather than further reiterate what we’ve already iterated, we’ll send you back to a post from last May that thoroughly describes Khadr’s past, and links (we hope, with live links) to further resources on him, including an excellent report by Canada’s own Ezra Levant.

In a way, Omar Khadr’s crimes are understandable, if not excusable. He was raised in a hothouse of terroristic mohammedanism, and taught the “Koranic truth” that infidels existed only to be killed in any way possible — the crueler the better. He was, and is, brainwashed.

Nate Whitling, conversely, was raised with Canadian respect for civil society, peaceful dispute resolution, and the rule of law. And he threw it all away to sign on with those whose aim is to tear the society down.

For money.

No word on exactly how much soulless traitor Nate Whitling was paid, but we reckon he’s worth 30 pieces of silver.

When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Salt

lacey spearsMeet Lacey Spears. She was a mommy blogger in upscale Westchester County, New York, who obsessively chronicled her only child, son Garnett, on a blog and a bunch of other social media platforms. Garnett, she wrote, couldn’t gain weight… as he struggled with some mysterious illness. He was hospitalized, he endured surgeries… he never seemed to get better; indeed, every time he went home from the hospital, he inexplicably got worse.

When Garnett was finally admitted to hospital at Age 5 on 17 January 2014, he was too sick for Nyack hospital to help him. After they stabilized him, and he was airlifted to Maria Fereri Children’s Hospital on the 19th, the mystery was solved. The poor kid had not been unhealthy at all — until his mother force-fed him massive quantities of salt. He couldn’t eat such staggering quantities of the stuff, so she used a feeding tube to cram it direct into his stomach. By the time he was admitted to the hospital, suffering from seizures caused by a swelling brain, he had permanent and unsurvivable brain damage.

After four more days of suffering, young Garnett expired. (He was declared brain dead on the 22nd — the same day Spears asked a friend to remove incriminating evidence from their home. The friend testified for the prosecution — and passed away the next day after supportive measures were withdrawn). An autopsy showed he had “metabolically impossible” levels of sodium in his system.

Defense attorneys, left with no way to aid their client but the old “pound on the table” strategy, tied for the profession’s all-time low by accusing, without evidence, the doctors at Maria Fereri of killing Garnett, and framing his mother. The jury didn’t buy it, reaching a Murder Two verdict (on “depraved indifference” grounds) in less than two days, after a month of jury selection and trial.

Some will ask, where was Garnett’s father? The child wasn’t the product of parthenogenesis, so what did his dad do to protect him? The answer: all he could, which was nothing. Spears had excluded him from his son’s life, and moved over 1,000 miles away to make that stick.

So that she could poison the child in peace.

The anguished dad did turn up, in the end. In the courtroom, demanding that the judge throw the book at the mother of, and murderer of, his child.

What do you do to a monster like Lacey Spears? If you are a New York judge, you give her 20 years. (Technically, the sentence is 20-years-to-life, but prison guards can’t remember an individual who did even the whole 20, unless he committed more murders while inside).

New York’s leniency extends beyond the nominal sentence. Spears will be eligible for her first parole board in three years, minus time served. She is unlikely to be paroled so soon, but will probably be released at the second (two years later) or third (two years after that, so she’ll do a max of five years, minus time served pre-sentencing, total).

Yes, this means she is unlikely to spend more than five years in jail for cold-bloodedly murdering her five-year-old child. She’ll be out in plenty of time to have (and kill) another kid.

Here is the New York Post on her conviction, and the International Business Times. And here’s the nasty anti-gun Lower Hudson Journal-News on her sentence.

Exit question: you didn’t know that a human could be killed by salt, did you? Like many other substances, the dose makes the poison. Call it proof of the fragility of human life, and of our dependence on our families and others around us for survival. Not that such proof was really wanting.

More on Anti-Gun, Anti-Rights, 1st, 2nd, 4th and 5th-Amendment-hatin’ Dan Conley

Apparently, we’re not the only ones sending the Boston-area DA a message about the Bill of Rights.

Hey, Dan, Gangster Squad was a fictional story. You don't need one of these overlooking every American bedroom -- you just want it.  Perv.

Hey, Dan, Gangster Squad was a fictional story. You don’t need one of these set-ups overlooking every American bedroom — you just want it.
You pervert.

Kate Knibbs at Gizmodo (is she affiliated with EFF? We have a dim memory that she is, and dim memories are often wrong) points out that, while we bashed him for his opposition to the rights enumerated in the 2nd and 4th Amendments to the US Constitution, he’s also feeling constricted and constraied by the 5th Amendment too. But it’s For The Children® (a registered trademark of National Socialists R Us, Inc.):

District Attorney David Conley warned that encryption will enable people taking “upskirt” photos to get away with posting surreptitious crotch shots. In the same testimony, Conley blamed encryption for potentially destroying cases against child abusers and people who pimp out children for sex.

Well, Douchebaggenführer Dave, if you’ve lost all these cases to strong encryption and the 4th and 5th Amendment, name one. If some perp walked because you hung your case on evidence you couldn’t get, name him. If you had a stone cold baby beatin’ puppy rapist (or puppy beatin’ baby rapist) that a Court of Appeals turned loose, give us the cite. 

You can’t, though, can you? Because you pulled it all out of your swastika-tattooed fourth point of contact.

Just like you can’t give us the cite where somebody capped one of your Bostonians with a gun the perp legally owned. 99 times out of 100, by the time a gangbanger kills somebody, he’s been to court so many times that even Daniel F. Conley could have convicted him once or twice, even with all those pesky Amendments hemming him in.

What’s this guy going to want to do next, quarter SWAT redcoats in our homes?

By the way, Knibbs notes that Rep Ted Lieu (D-CA) wasn’t alone. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) also teed off on the tap-happy Conley.

Is Colt Toast?

colt_logo_mWe’re hearing rumblings about something we’ve discussed before: the parlous financial state of the privately held, and hedge-fund-looted, firearms manufacturer, Colt.

Colt’s hedgies (several generations of them, currently Sciens Capital) have taken it through multiple unnecessary reorganizations, each time stripping as much cash out of the company as possible, pocketing as much as they can get away with, and leaving it saddled with unsustainable debt. The company has hundreds of millions in debt that it has no reasonable chance of repaying. Now, faced with inability to pay a $10.9 million interest payment owed this month, the company’s managers seek to stave off default with hedge-fund chutzpah: offering investors the “opportunity” to take a 70% haircut on $250M of their bonds, or, alternatively, the company will bang out bankrupt — in a prepackaged bankruptcy modeled on that of the Government Motors rip-off and using the same obscure section of the bankruptcy code. Like the Chrysler and GM  bankruptcies, this plan will preserve the equity of favored creditors — the hedge fund managers — while ruining, or at least haircutting, disfavored creditors — like the bond holders.

The Colt Official Police, the cop gun of most of the 20th Century (along with its Smith & Wesson competitor). But Colt can't count on half the market any more.

The Colt Official Police, the cop gun of most of the 20th Century (along with its Smith & Wesson competitor). This one’s a little pimped-out for a cop. But Colt can’t count on half the market any more.

Colt bonds have had a very high effective rate, reflecting their high risk, for a long time. In 2012, two or three fits of borrowing ago, it was already 19%, deep in “junk bond” territory. (The $250M they’re trying to replace is 8.75% due in two years, but it’s trading at a deep discount. The new bonds are nominally 10% due in 2023 — as if managers can keep kicking the can down the road another eight years — and they will also trade at a deep discount, if they’re ever issued).

So it’s not as if bondholders didn’t know that theirs was a speculative gamble. But now, Colt is saying, essentially, “give us 2/3 of your investment, or we’ll take it all.” But their move, described in a press release that was slipped onto the Colt site last month, is extremely risky: if they can’t get the bondholders to accept the 70-30 haircut or the prepackaged bankruptcy (“prepack”), bondholders can and probably will sue, plunging the 1858-vintage company into Chapter 11 bankruptcy or even Chapter 7 liquidation.

They’re gambling that the bondholders’ fear of being left holding a bag containing much less than 30% of the company’s capitalization, divided among the holders of $330 or so million in secured and unsecured debt, will be stronger than their indignation at being 70% expropriated so the managers and hedges can be made whole.

Colt All American 2000. Like many flops (Edsel? Anthony dollar? R51?) it's ugly as a mud wallow. The polymer frame version is uglier yet.

Colt All American 2000. Like many flops (Edsel? Anthony dollar? R51?) it’s ugly as a mud wallow. The polymer frame version is uglier yet.

All the borrowing has not been reinvested in products, where Colt lags the market, or production efficiency. While Colt has a proud heritage and many desirable models, they capitalize on the advantages poorly, and, because of management-induced chaos and labor-induced uncompetitive costs, they saw markets they created, like the enormous 1911 pistol and AR-15 rifle, slip away from them.

A couple of years ago, when they thought they could always find a greater fool to flip the junk debt to, the company’s managers bamboozled the State of Florida  and Osceola County into putting up hundreds of thousands in benefits to draw a plant to Kissimmee, Florida, but never took possession of the plant. Colt’s now shaking the county down for another $150k to get the deadbeat firm out of the plant it never installed a single machine in, or hired a single Florida worker for.


Moody’s rates the restructuring proposals credit negative, but doesn’t change Colt’s already low, low, low ratings:

Colt Defense’s Caa3 corporate family rating (CFR) and Caa3-PD probability of default rating (PDR), with a negative ratings outlook remains unchanged. However, on execution of the restructuring transaction, we would consider either the exchange offer or prepackaged plan of bankruptcy, if the company pursues that option, as a default per Moody’s definitions.

Standard & Poors last changed its ratings for Colt in February, downgrading from CCC/Developing/– to CCC-/Negative/–). S&P Capital IQ/LCD’s Restructuring Watchlist welcomed Colt as long ago as September, 2014.

For more information on Colt’s financial state:

ITEM 27 APR 15: “Colt teeters on edge of bankrupcty” a somewhat inflamed analysis by Rich Duprey on The Motley Fool. He also has Colt entering the market for 1911s in 2010, off by a century, with the R1 (a Remington product. Colt of course entered the market for 1911s in 1911 and has never left it).

ITEM 17 APR 15: The New York Times’s Steven J. Lubbin tries to analyze the bond haircut/prepack offer, and concludes it’s “one of the strangest… ever.” His analysis is a lot less breathless and overheated than Duprey’s.

ITEM 15 APR 15: Restoring one’s faith in reporters who actually watch their lanes and do their jobs, the Wall Street Journal’s Stephanie Gleason analyzes the offer, the very day Colt issued it.

If you’re paywalled out, this Google link should get you in:

ITEM 15 APR 15: Colt’s official bond-exchange offer and bankruptcy threat (they call it “reorganization,” but it’s bankruptcy):

ITEM (periodically updated): Colt’s Press Release archive:

ITEM 12 FEB 15: Colt Secures Another Loan, but May Still Miss Bond Payment

ITEM 15 DEC 14: National Defense (NDIA magazine)’s Guest Commentary:Firearms Maker Colt a Cautionary Tale for Defense Contractors.

ITEM 29 MAY 14: Bloomberg flunky Paul Barrett navigates the hedge-fund guys’ financial maklertum with the assistance of a cast of anti-gun characters, including fellow astroturf anti Richard Feldman and his bogus “Independent Firearms Owners Association.”

ITEM 26 DEC 12: Colt’s 19% Junk Bonds (by an extremely anti-gun writer)

OT (maybe Poly-Ticks?): What a Difference a Day Makes

Jerwaine GormanOn 30 Apr 15, the New York Post introduced murder victim Jerwaine Gorman as an “activist” who was, in the words of a friend, “uplifting the community.”

A Queens political activist was shot dead in the passenger seat of a Mercedes-Benz Wednesday, ­police sources said.
Jerwaine Gorman, a co-founder and board member of the South East Queens County Young Democrats, was shot by a gunman who walked up to the car at 167th Street near Linden Boulevard in Jamaica and fired a single round at 12:30 p.m., police said.
A woman sitting in the driver’s seat was not harmed, police said.
Lifelong friend Adrienne Felton, who founded the Democratic group along with Gorman, said the activist was “all about uplifting the community.”

It’s always a bit of a surprise when a complete innocent gets whacked like this. A guy in a hoodie went up to Gorman’s parked car and popped him. A meek, mild-mannered Democratic activist, it says here. Why, that’s the sort of thing that happens to career criminals, not political organizers!

What a difference a day makes, though. Same paper, 1 May 15, the very next day:

The Queens political activist who was fatally shot while sitting in his Mercedes-Benz was a swindler with a lengthy rap sheet — and police are probing the possibility that a love triangle led to his death, law-enforcement sources said.

Jerwaine Gorman, 34, was a convicted felon and had been arrested seven times on charges ranging from grand larceny to assault, sources said.

He was slain Wednesday afternoon, when a man in a hoodie fired a single round into his car at 167th Street near Linden Boulevard in Jamaica, cops said.

Gorman was convicted of grand larceny for insurance fraud following a 2010 arrest.

Yeah, but he’d gone straight. He’d paid his debt to society. He was turning his life around. [Insert platitude of your choice here].

I mean, it’s not like there were any indications he was anything but a model citizen, demonstrating at all times and all ways strict probity and integrity.

Gorman was in the passenger’s seat, while a woman identified as his “girlfriend” and “acquaintance” was on the driver’s side.

He was married with children, according to the Web site for the South East Queens County Young Democrats, where he was a board member.

Well, apart from that.

What are the odds he was still scamming people (besides just his wife), and scammed the wrong guy?

And what are the odds that Honey Chile, his “girlfriend” and “acquaintance,” set him up for that intracranial lead injection?

The Ranger “Short Course” — for Oxygen Thieves

Perry_Mcneill_front_M8t4Sdfnsa-largeThumb_06f0124fSay what you will about the handful of ambitious women currently battling fatigue (to the point of exhaustion) and physical breakdown in the Army’s first co-ed Ranger course, but they are in the jeezly arena. And God bless them for that. Throughout history, many men (and even a few women) have claimed the Ranger Tab without bothering to, you know, attend the course. If any of those young women graduate, they’ll probably feel about these honor thieves much like we do: pretty hostile.

First Ranger-School-less “Ranger” is former Command Sergeant Major Perry T. McNeil.

According to the charges he wore both the Ranger Tab and the Pathfinder Badge wrongfully and without authority on multiple occasions: on or between March 4, 2011, and Feb. 28, 2014.    It also says he submitted an official record to the Centralized Selection List Board for the fiscal year Active Component and U.S. Army Reserve Active Guard Reserve Brigade/Battalion Command Sergeant Major and Key Billet Sergeant Major Board, a falsified enlisted record brief stating he had graduated from Ranger School in 1994.

Perry_Mcneill_right_M8t4Sdfnsa-largeThumb_5683d7b8Charges? Yeah, this honor thief was court-martialed. Unfortunately, he was let off with the lightest of wrist taps… almost:

The CSM was the senior enlisted leader for the 3rd Battalion, 2nd Air Defense Artillery Regiment up until his sentenced was handed down. The judge sentenced Mcneill to receive a letter of reprimand, reduction to the E-7 pay grade and forfeiture of $500 per month for 10 months.

McNeill is vain enough to have scores of pictures out there with the bogus awards. He even had himself imaged in 3D with his phony Pathfinder badge showing. (It’s a great looking badge. Wish  we had one. But don’t wish that bad enough to just put it on. At the only time we checked, SF NCOs were ineligible for Pathfinder School because everything in the school was an SF common skill).

But the Guardian of Valor indicates that there is a lighter wrist tap than McNeill’s for identical behavior — if the valor thief is higher-ranking:

A few months ago, LTC Gerald Green was found doing the same as this CSM, yet he was only relieved of command. Green was also wearing an unearned Ranger tab, along with an unearned Sapper Tab. Green should have also been held accountable for his actions as the CSM is being held accountable for his. This goes to show that rank does have its privileges when it comes to things of this nature, with Green only having “administrative” action taken against him instead of criminal.

via CSM Perry T. Mcneill Found Guilty Of “Stolen Valor”, Sentenced To Reduction In Rank And Pay Forfeiture. – Guardian Of Valor.

Green (left) and McNeill (right). Same crime, entirely different punishments.

Green (left) and McNeill (right). Same crime, entirely different punishments.

Personally, we can’t see how that oxygen thief McNeill escaped a Dishonorable or Bad Conduct discharge, and the same for the even more worthless septic-tank bubble that is Green. (Although the officer version is Resignation in Lieu of Court-Martial, it carries the same Federal-felony weight). But the Army’s a lot like Hammurabi, in the justice department: your punishment depends on your social stratum, not the facts of your misconduct.

In our experience, it’s never just one thing with Stolen Valor cases. There’s always more, and usually worse, criminality in there somewhere. But the stolen valor is bad enough.

We say, fry these guys. Do it for the women in Ranger school!

This is not a Defensive Gun Use, either

It wasn't his foot this time.

It wasn’t his foot this time.

See if you can follow the whole who-shot-John in all this:

One man from Tuesday night’s downtown Portland shooting remains hospitalized with a gunshot wound to his leg, while the 40-year-old suspect is being treated for an accidental, self-inflicted gunshot wound to his testicles, police said Wednesday.

An apparent robbery attempt between the two men who were neighbors led to the shooting just before 8 p.m. in the parking lot of an apartment building in the 1400 block of Southwest Park Ave, police said.

During the dispute, the 40-year-old man pulled out a gun and shot the other man in the leg, police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson said. The wounded 32-year-old man ran over to the Safeway on Southwest 10th Avenue and Columbia Street for help. He was later taken to the hospital with a leg injury.

As the suspect fled the scene, he accidentally shot himself in the groin, police said.

via Suspect in downtown shooting being treated for self-inflicted wound to testicles, Portland police say |

Yep, John shot John (or whatever the perp’s undisclosed name is), right in the reproductive tackle, right after nailing some other Sumdood for not coughing up his cash. Because “groin” in this case and story is a euphemism for “testicles.”

So now you know the answer to the trivia question, “How can you win the Darwin Award, and live to collect it?” It’s simple: stick your firearm in your waistband gangsta-carry style, and kinetically geld yourself.

Like John (or whatever his name is).

This happened in Portland, OR. We’ve tried to follow up in the Case of the Bullet-battered Ballsack, but the suspect in question appears to be keeping his punctured private parts private.