Category Archives: Lord Love a Duck

LCS Taken in a New Direction

Viking DragonshipSpeed was of the essence. To that end the LCS designs — both of them — sacrificed everything, especial combat firepower and survivability.

The ships, already far more expensive with vastly less combat power than the frigates they replaced, are going to trade away their one advantage — high speed in moderate seas — for some firepower.

BATH, Maine –  The Navy spent hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to fulfill its need for speed with a new class of fast and agile warships capable of zipping along at highway speeds.

It turns out speed is overrated.

The Navy has learned lessons from the light-and-speedy littoral combat ships: Upcoming ships will trade some speed in favor of more weapons and heavier armor.

Well, having more weapons than existing LCS ships isn’t hard, really.

Rear Adm. Peter Fanta, director of surface warfare, said the goal is to increase the offensive punch of all warships from the biggest to the smallest. For the littoral combat ship, that’ll begin with the installation of over-the-horizon missiles this summer.

“Each ship that I now have — I have to make more lethal because I cannot build ships fast enough, or enough of them,” Fanta told The Associated Press.

Two versions of the warships were sped into production to meet the Navy’s goal of an affordable, fast ship to operate in shallow coastal — or littoral — waters.

Affordable! They’re a half a billion a pop. And the latest round of the USN’s incessant tinkering might nearly double the price.

The ships, which are capable of topping 50 mph, utilize steerable waterjets instead of propellers and rudders to operate in shallow water.

They also are built to be equipped with swappable mission modules for surface warfare, anti-submarine duty or mine removal. That’s in contrast to larger, multi-mission ships like the 610-foot Michael Monsoor, a Zumwalt-class destroyer christened Saturday at Bath Iron Works.

But the gee-whiz factor was overshadowed by concerns over growing costs — the latest versions cost $482 million to $563 million apiece — along with criticism by the General Accounting Office that the warships were too lightly armed and too lightly armored.

via Navy warship to trade some speed for firepower, armor | Fox News.

Yep, we’re committed to a forty-something unit class of ships that can’t fight, but can run away, as long as the enemy doesn’t have guns, missiles or aircraft. So the Navy, no more willing to leave a bad design than a good one alone, is going to incur a bunch more expense grafting minimal armor and a missile system onto the currently unarmed ships.

You’ll probably want to read Commander Salamander’s grim, resigned take on this. There’s a lot of material in his post, including the shocking revelation that the new revisions to the Little Crappy Ship will push individual unit costs close to a billion dollars — and we’ll still be stuck with combat-worthless Little Crappy Ships.

In a possibly related update, he notes that the Republicans of the House have voted to continue to support Ray Mabus’s policy of naming ships after undistinguished, insignificant politicians. Maybe the LCSes should all be named after Ray, with Roman numerals; although many of his predecessors and many flag officers deserve to hang from the yardarms (if an LCS had yardarms) alongside him.

Shake-n-Bake Colonels, Chief Petty Officers, Gunnys?

The Good Idea Fairy (aka Ash Carter) as a Child

The Good Idea Fairy (aka Ash Carter) as a Child.

As Hurricane Ash continues to cut a swath of demolition through the United States Military, his latest proposal for the Fundamental Transformation of Military Culture is to open up all officer ranks up to O-6 and enlisted to E-7 to direct accession. Initially his objective is to get someone who can spell “cyber” with minimal coaching into Cyber Command, which has been filled largely from the ranks of the services’ sluggish and feebly trained networking personnel.  Cyber Command hasn’t accomplished anything of note, in part because it is composed entirely of people who are the second type in Pournelle’s Law: the ones that focus on growing the organization, mission be damned. It still hasn’t grown fast enough to please the suits in the Pentangle, but it has grown several times too fast for its talent, and it shows.

Several of the experienced service members, NCO and officer alike, in this Military Times report, seem appalled at the possible consequences for military culture:

“They will enter a culture they don’t know, understand or potentially appreciate,” said Dakota Wood, a retired Marine officer and military expert at the Heritage Foundation. “The Marines around them will likely be challenged to appreciate them as they would a fellow Marine.”


“Can you imagine someone coming in as an O-5 or O-6 and not knowing who salutes who? Or how to wear a uniform?” [Richard] Bejtlich [a 44-year-old Air Force Academy graduate who separated when he was a junior officer and is now a cyber-security expert] said. “The traditional military’s worst nightmare is to bring in some long-haired hippie and make him a colonel. The way I think you could make it palatable to the rank and file is, you would limit it to bringing in former military.”

There’s more; go Read The Whole Thing™. But have they considered this: maybe changing the military culture is not seen as anathema by Ash Carter, Ray Mabus et al., but is actually their intent?

Even if they’re just being stupid, not evil, there’s a lot wrong with this. One major problem is that it substitutes for the often-empty credentialism of the military the even emptier credentialism of modern universities. There is no guarantee that a BS or MS in any particular subject denotes a person knowledgable about that subject, and certainly a PhD in most humanities just about guarantees a person who cannot express him- or herself in standard English, spell, do basic arithmetic, speak a foreign language  or solve simple school level logic problems.

And who can’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the bottom, or lead a puppy to its food bowl. Do we need more officers and NCOs like that? It’s not like no one has covered down on those skill sets already.

And, buried in the article, we find that the Air Force is already using this authority to recruit native speakers of foreign languages. Can you say “CI threat”? We knew you could!

Meanwhile, there is, as usual, one beleaguered outpost of common sense among the services:

The Marine Corps might be the most skeptical among the four services.

Does that surprise anybody? The Marines are the least removed from the idea that their service exists to be ready to fight and win wars.

Larry Correia Channels Gersh Kuntzman

Yes, these words are a direct quote from Kuntzman's article. Wet, or what?

Yes, these words are a direct quote from Kuntzman’s article. Wet, or what?

Kuntzman (we wonder what his name was, before he changed it?) is the infamous New York “reporter” who wrote a story claiming, among other things, that firing an AR-15 made him lose control of his bladder and gave him PTSD, or words to that effect.

Everyone in Gun Universe has been jeering at this guy, but along comes Larry Correia (yes, the author of the Monster Hunter series of books, and the author of the infamous “HK: Because you  suck. And we hate you” explication of HK marketing in Ernst Mauch days) to apply the Kuntzman brand of quivering and quailing to questions the Great Man might address next. Larry, take it away:

Dear Kuntzman, big fan. I am trying to go green in order to save the Earth. Dying polar bears make me sad. Should I buy a Toyota Prius?

– Carbon Neutral in Carson City

Dear Carbon, I drove a Prius once and it changed me forever. As soon as I climbed inside the minimalist brutalist interior of this carbon fiber Japanese death machine it was as if I was driving a monster truck. I pushed start. The engine was a throaty roar like a thousand nuclear jet bombers. I immediately soiled my trousers to prevent this beast of the land of hentai from raping me. Tentacles are NOT OKAY. In my haste to escape, I touched a lever, and the windshield wipers began beating like a reaper’s sickle threshing horror.

Seriously, go Read The Whole Thing™ — because that’s just a taste, to give you the flavor of Larry’s satirical curb-stomping of this clown. If that doesn’t put you in a great mood to start your day, you’re a bigger curmudgeon than we’ve got (and that’s saying something). As for Kuntzman, no, we won’t link him — he was looking to bait clicks, let’s break his palpitating little heart. He apparently doesn’t realize that millions and millions of actual girls learned to shoot the “horrifying, dangerous” AR-15 in the last 50 years when a version of it’s been the service rifle. (And millions more actual girls as civilians, plenty of whom shoot really well).

We’d call him an anatomically explicit female pejorative, but we’d be demeaning both women and cats — who have a small part to play in Larry’s ASK KUNTZMAN! story too.

Personally, we hope he makes it a regular feature.

As for Kuntzman, this is why you should teach your sons to fight for their lunch money. Giving it up to bullies for 12 years of NY public schools clearly leads to malnutrition that stunts the mind. Not to mention the ‘nads.


No Fool like an Old Fool Dep’t

Future Feds of America

Future Feds of America

A retired priest from Dresden, Maine, fell for the oldest trick in the book — the honey trap. But then, he didn’t have to carry the 3+ pounds of cocaine she asked him to, through the international airport, did he?

But that’s OK. Senator Susan Collins, R-ME, who was in the news recently for believing that all the gun owners who didn’t do it should be punished for the Orlando massacre, was able to get the international drug smuggler sprung.

Martin, who is staying with his son in Las Vegas, had been in a Spanish prison since July 2015, serving a six-year sentence. In March, Collins and eight of her Senate colleagues had asked Secretary of State John Kerry to negotiate his release.

Officials say Martin was one of more than 100 Americans over the age of 60 who were duped into serving as drug mules for international criminal enterprises.

Martin was arrested and sentenced in January after Spanish customs and border agents found him in possession of 1.4 kilograms of cocaine. The drugs were concealed in real estate documents that Martin had agreed to pick up in South America and was trying to deliver to a woman he had fallen in love with online.

via Retired pastor from Maine back in U.S. after release from Spanish prison – The Portland Press Herald / Maine Sunday Telegram.

Why Collins did it, God only knows. Maybe she has a personal interest in keeping the coke channels open.

It would have harmed no one but a felon to leave Martin in prison, and it would have been a salutary message to other would-be drug haulers.

Assclown of the Ides: Rudi (Hans Rudolph) Gresham


Gresham in a photo that used to be on his own website — wearing someone else’s junk. The beret, captain’s rank, CIB and Master Parachutist badge, to name a few, are all phony.

This poser was so incredibly slick that even experienced Special Forces commanders were fooled by him. We’ve been watching this case develop for over two years. Until we first heard about it, we had taken Gresham — who was everywhere, man, like the guy in the old country truck-drivin’ school — as a blowhard and a self-serving crapweasel, but even we’d accepted his SF bona fides.

It didn’t occur to us to FOIA his amazing record, but it did occur to several SF online veterans’ groups, like Guardian of Valor and SF Brothers, that have a public-facing side and a private side, as well as others that have no visible overt presence at all. And they began seeking his records.

As the waves from the active reconnaissance reached Gresham, he began to delete incriminating claims and documents to cover his tracks. But he was too late. Guardian of Valor has the story, although it’s far from completely posted yet.

Hans Rudy Gresham, who, up until about a year ago, was also with Burch in this charity, has also claimed for years to have been Special Forces, and a number of times claimed to have been retired at several ranks.  During the investigation, which was conducted in conjunction with our counterparts at Green Beret Posers Exposed,  and SF Brothers, we found that he claimed to have retired as a Lt, all the way up to a Col.

Well when he was supposedly still serving in the Green Berets, he was also selling ads on the radio as seen in this photo we grabbed for WTMA’s memories from 1971.  WTMA is a radio station out of Charleston, South Carolina where Rudi is from, the caption from the photo reads, “WTMA salesman Rudi Gresham poses in the WTMA control room (1971).”


It looks like even there and then he’s posing: as DJ Johnny Fever. Back to GOV’s tale.

Rudy has spent years spinning webs of lies, telling people he served with General Yarborough in Vietnam, he has been able to get people to believe his lies to the point that he has gotten thousands and thousands of dollars from high profile people.  He even had the Green Beret community fooled for many years believing he was a retired Green Beret officer, some had their suspicions but couldn’t prove it.

Up until about a year ago Rudi was also a board member of that National Vietnam Veterans Foundation, he was listed on their website as Director of Charity. Now we find out that he was also not what he claims to have been all of these years, telling people he was a Green Beret that served in Vietnam when his official records paint a totally different story.

via Hans Rudolph Gresham, Former Senior Advisor To The VA Secretary, Posed As Special Forces Alongside Thomas Burch – Guardian Of Valor.

So what did his records say? Go to Guardian of Valor and check ’em out. He seems to have made PFC more than once (suggesting that for him, rank was a 2-way road). And that’s it. No Vietnam time, we’re sorry to say. Is something missing? The Archives insist that there are no further records.

Go to Guardian of Valor and Read The Whole Thing™.

We’ll leave you with one exit thought:

Here’s the man, the myth, the legend in his own mind, Rudi Gresham, recently:

Gresham in a photo that used to be on his own website -- wearing someone else's junk.

and here’s some other dude. Now compare the two pictures!


Separated at birth?

But it’s not really fair to compare Gresham and former President Carter. Carter really was an officer in the Navy; he didn’t get out as a Seaman Second Class and then spend he rest of his life conning people that he was a  Lieutenant Commander or Captain. Carter really was President; the country elected him, which in retrospect isn’t the dumbest thing the electorate has ever done, or will do, even though we thought it was for a while. But he was and is almost painfully honest.

On the other hand, Gresham has pretended to be a retired Captain (see the image above), a Lieutenant Colonel, Major, Colonel, you name it, anything but a PFC. He’s awarded himself SF qualification, and a Master Parachutist badge. (Your humble blog host doesn’t have the Master Blaster wings, unlike many of his peers, and yet it never occurred to him to do a Gresham and just pin the ever-lovin’ thing on). If Rudi Gresham ever told the truth about anything, it’s probably because he got confused about which lie he’d told to which person or media outlet.

But Gresham was good at two things — impersonation and self-promotion. He weaseled his way into the Special Forces Association and Special Operations Association; he conned people including SF legends and general officers that he had served with them (!) and convinced them that they must just have forgotten him and his unctuous ways.

(Continued overleaf, or it’s Great Wall O Text here. We just don’t feel like putting more pictures of this phony bag of fail on our page).

Continue reading

TSA “Addresses” a “Problem”

tsa checkpointRead on to see how a bureaucrat identifies and “addresses” a problem. In SF, as in business, problems are nails to be hammered with solutions; in a bureaucracy, solving the problem is an existential threat to the organization, so you hear a great deal about process and not so much about product.

And you have all kinds of metrics that measure everything but what you’re supposed to be doing. We’d bet our left you-know-what that the Director of the TSA has on his desk (or his desktop) the exact number and percentage of TSA baggage boosters and grandma gropers that are “Eskimo, Inuit, or Native Alaskan”. And we’d bet he hasn’t got accurate numbers of the wait times at all the airports where his goons test the floor level (if they’re drooling out of both corners of the mouth…) and paw the pax for prurient pleasure. And it’s a lead-pipe cinch that he has never seen a study that has put a productive price on the hundreds of millions of man-hours wasted by productive people, standing in line to be ill-used by his corps of nogoodniks.

In March, TSA Administrator Peter Neffenger visited the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport to address the problem there.

“We’re hitting this very hard. It is one of my biggest concerns right now,” he said, according to KSTP-TV.

After wait times started exceeding an hour in February, the TSA responded by increasing staffing and adding a fifth canine team.

Yeah, because everybody’s held up in the security line waiting for the dog. The one possible exception to the TSA “no one good, decent, etc.” rule. But they’re such a gang of bozos they could probably ruin even dogs. 

“I think you’re already seeing improvements right now here in Minneapolis,” Neffenger said during his early March visit.

It was just eight days later that Nikizad waited in line for more than 90 minutes and missed his flight.

Haroon Nikizad is suing the TSA for the price of his lost ticket. Good luck with that; one of the reasons that bureaucrats are so unaccountable is that the courts have granted them a Patent of Nobility that immunizes them against legal accountability. To inconvenience, hassle, rip off or abuse some mere citizen is just a matter of modern-day droit du seigneur.

Nikizad arrived at the recommended two hours lead time only to find that the TSA was going all out to excel their usual three-ring stumblebum slapstick security circus show. (Bet you can’t say that three times fast!) He was still in line for his ritual groping when his flight’s pilot not-flying wished the tower good day and changed to the RAPCONs departure frequency.

He f’d up. He trusted the TSA.

Meanwhile, how did TSA “address” the “problem”? By demanding more money from Congress, and by Neffenger going on a PR offensive, polishing the turd to a high sheen.

No one good, decent, honest, competent, moral, ethical or intelligent has ever been employed at TSA in any capacity whatsoever.


G4S Security Theater Strikes Again

G4S logoFor those of us who lived through it, we’ll never forget the curious spectacle of a post-9/11 Congressional lynch mob demanding that lousy security theater firms like Argenbright give up their responsibilities to a new Federal entity, the polyincompetent TSA — which then gave all the duds and losers from Argenbright preference in hiring.

Argenbright’s spirit lives on today in G4S, formerly Group 4 Securicor, which bought it out, and seems determined to be the private-sector TSA. As is well known, no one good, decent, honest, competent, moral, ethical or intelligent has ever been employed at TSA in any capacity whatsoever. The same seems to be true of their private opposite number, G4S.

We’ve mentioned G4S here before a time or two. Let’s run them down first before we get to what’s new:

  1. One of the soldiers who had to cover G4S's unperformed Olympic contract.

    One of the soldiers who had to cover G4S’s unperformed Olympic contract.

    19 July 12: We take note of G4S botching a half-billion-dollar security contract for the London Olympics so badly that Britain had to fill the gap with 20% of the British Army, large hunks of other counties’ cops, and — all the way to the bottom of the barrel — TSA gropers imported from the USA. Yes, they were so screwed up that the TSA was a step up.

  2. 16 March 13: We beat up on Richard Branson and his pretentious Virgin Airlines for their mistreatment of a British soldier, and for blaming it all on G4S — while pointing out that G4S isn’t a particularly competent outfit.

Indeed, our explanation of G4S’s history and proven performance from that one deserves to be quoted, just so we don’t have to explain the Great Wall of Fail that is G4S, completely de novo.

G4S is a massive global conglomerate, which digested Wackenhut and Chubb among others. It is optimized to win governmental, lowest-bidder contracts. As a result it provides, almost exclusively, low-paid, low-skilled, questionably-credentialed bozos as security guards; you might remember G4S getting caught napping (literally) at Oak Ridge last year, following up within months by getting caught napping (figuratively), which led to a re-examination upon which they got caught cheating (literally).

The "S" in G4S is for sleeping on the job.

The “S” in G4S is for sleeping on the job.

They’ve also been caught napping (literally) in Britain (Image). G4S was also in the news in 2012 for completely botching Olympic security, requiring a bailout from the same British soldiers they’re insulting now. It’s impossible to find a single link that covers the entire shambolic disaster that was G4S’s Olympic non-performance; just brew up a bag of popcorn and Google or Bing up “G4S Olympics,” and settle in for an hours-long Lord Love a Duck session.

…G4S is descended in part from Argenbright Security (through Securicor and Group 4 Falck), a similar bottom-feeder security firm whose serial lapses enabled 9/11 and inspired the creation of the federalized United States alternative, the Transportation Security Administration (which recruits from the same pool of minimum-wage substance abusers and roughly matches G4S’s bottom-feeder performance).

OK, that was then, so why are we bringing all this up now? Because the latest G4S Security Theater fail involves the one identified Orlando massacre shooter.

He worked for G4S. So did a guy named Dan Gilroy, an ex-cop.

Daniel Gilroy said he worked the 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. shift with G4S Security at the south gate at PGA Village for several months in 2014-15. Mateen took over from him for a 3 to 11 p.m. shift.

Gilroy, a former Fort Pierce police officer, said Mateen frequently made homophobic and racial comments. Gilroy said he complained to his employer several times but it did nothing because he was Muslim. Gilroy quit after he said Mateen began stalking him via multiple text messages — 20 or 30 a day. He also sent Gilroy 13 to 15 phone messages a day, he said.

Hey, but just because he was a extremist Muslim, didn’t mean he wanted to kill people, did he?

“I quit because everything he said was toxic,” Gilroy said Sunday, “and the company wouldn’t do anything. This guy was unhinged and unstable. He talked of killing people.”

Gilroy said this shooting didn’t come as a surprise to him.

The company didn’t want to lose a preferred employee like Mateen, who received his five-year-employee shout out in 2012 already. They can always get hold of former cops who don’t want to kill anybody, but a loyal mohammedan with murder on his mind is a rare find indeed.

As it turns out, this case of Sudden Jihad Syndrome was years in the making. It involves a jihad preacher and enabler whom a soft judge sprung from prison extra early, (and the FBI just declined to arrest again, because Moslem).

Finally, G4S is also in the news because it’s got a very, very rich contract (almost a quarter of a billion, or half what it got for not supporting the London Olympics) to run a bus line transporting criminal aliens away from border arrests, shifting the resulting crime wave into interior cities and spreading it around.

Naturally, another imam warned that the most horrible outcome was if people stopped trusting mohammedans:

Imam Muhammad Musri, the president of the Islamic Society of Central Florida, urged restraint in the hours and days following the attack in Orlando.

“I want to also caution many of the media from rushing to judgment,” he said. “We are mourning. We are sad. We are heartbroken, and it’s not really time to…rush to judgment.”

Musri, who is also president of American Islam, said he does no know what could be done for what seems like one mass shooting after another.

Meanwhile, Chicago has to take second place in the killing stakes for one week, although there were more shootings in Chicago last week — 150! — the Chi-town ERs have a lot more gunshot trauma experience than Orlando, and it shows.

Chicago doesn’t seem to have a big problem with Mexican cartels or Mohammedan masscres. But it still has a big problem, period. Maybe that proves that we ought not to be importing more waves of criminals and terrorists?

Nah, that’s crazy talk. G4S will keep us feeling safe, and it’s all about the feelz.





If You’re an Idiot, Don’t Go on Radio

If you're a well-meaning troglodyte, please stop helping. Now would be good.

If you’re a well-meaning troglodyte, please stop helping. Now would be good.

Hey, everybody who wants to help out at this time when gun rights are under attack?  Ask yourself, or better yet, ask a close friend who doesn’t care about hurting your feelings, this one question:

Am I an Idiot?

If the answer to the question is 1) “Yes”; 2) delighted laughter; or, 3) An attempt to talk 360º around the question without actually answering it, then

You are an idiot

And from that conclusion should follow this course of action:

Don’t go on radio.

You’ll only make your cause suffer. This idiopiphany came to us whilst taking a vehicle to the dealer for service, and we turned on the radio, to hear a host we normally don’t listen to, one Jeff Kuhner. Kuhner was eagerly interviewing some guy who represented himself as a gun expert, and was going to tell us all about the gun used by the Orlando shooter this weekend. Over the next approximately two minutes we learned:

  1. The AR-15 is gas operated because the gas blows back the slide.
  2. Just the same way a pistol is gas operated like that.
  3. It’s really nothing but a really big pistol.
  4. It can’t be used effectively without training like you get in the Army or Marines or a course you sign up for.
  5. But it’s not really any more dangerous than any other pistol.

There was probably more of that, but that’s all we can remember from the two minutes of this we could stand.

Now, poor Jeff Kuhner appeared to be eating this up, and trying to work it back to some sensibly coherent pro-gun point. As he hails from Canada, where gun knowledge seems to be increasingly narrowly distributed, we can excuse him for not realizing that he was on the receiving end of  a tale full or sound and fury, signifying nothing. For all we know the idiot he was talking to had good intentions, but either did not have two brain cells to rub together, or suddenly lost the synaptic connection between those brain cells when he was told he was live and on the air.

In any event, he ID’d himself as a gun guy, he went on the radio and spouted idiocy for longer than we could bear to listen to him, and gave all listeners who were not gun guys (and not, therefore, cringing through this whole call) the firm impression that gun guys are industrial-strength idiots.

This kind of “help” is not helping.

No doubt, based on our experience with gun guys in public, some other idiots stubbed their short, grubby fingers dialing the show to correct Gas-Operated Slide Idiot on minute and arcane points of firearms terminology, probably introducing new errors, convincing any undecided listeners (and, perhaps, the host) than Gun Guys are indeed industrial-strength idiots.

So we came up with the idea of advising idiots not to go on radio.

And there’s the rub. How futile is that? If they listened to good advice, they wouldn’t be idiots.

Yes, they Life-Flighted a Frog.


Australian Green Tree Frog — about the only frog in Oz that isn’t an endangered or threatened species. 

It’s a dog’s, uh, frog’s life in Australia. But despite all the tough breaks an Aussie amphib catches, from predators like invasive cane toads and feral cats, to several genera of crippling parasites, some of the little green guys have guardian angels.

Min Tims said she accidentally ran over the green tree frog in front of her home in Mount Isa in Queensland.

With a lawnmower.

This is usually not good for the frog.

This is why the pudgy species evolved to be a tree frog, isn’t it?

“She was devastated and asked if I could say prayers for him,” her niece, Felicia Morgan, told the Brisbane Times. She added that the frog “got clipped behind his head.”

Morgan got in touch with a frog hospital nearly 500 miles away in Cairns and an airline reportedly offered to carry the injured amphibian on one of its flights there.

“It was unbelievable coordination to be able to get the frog to us but he did eventually make it to Cairns and we picked him up from the airport,” Deborah Pergolotti, president of Frog Safe, told local media.

Staff at the hospital helped the frog recover from internal parasites but observed it had damage to one of its eyes.

The frog eventually returned to Mount Isa. Tims put the animal in a fish tank and started giving it a special diet.

“He is an extremely lucky animal to have survived being run over by basically a blender on wheels and we paid a huge amount of attention to him but he has recovered very well,” Pergolotti told the Times.

Is it just us, or is a lawn-mowed toad (yes, frog, but we’d have to sacrifice the rhyme) kind of the test-case amphibian for First World Problems?

DHS Official Ran Interference for Terrorist Suspect — Won’t be Punished


Irene Martin was promoted after obstructing the arrest of one of the San Bernardino terrorist conspirators.

This one gets complicated, so bear with us a minute. It’s a story of dysfunction in Federal immigration policing that stands out even in an era when those are the bulk of any stories one could write about Federal immigration policing.

The federal bureaucrat who blocked armed law enforcement agents from apprehending a man involved in the San Bernardino terror attack last December, then allegedly lied to investigators about her actions, has been reassigned to another post, but likely won’t face further investigation….

It actually appears she’s been promoted. Lord love a duck.

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services supervisor who an Inspector General’s report did not name but blasted for keeping Department of Homeland Security agents from Enrique Marquez is Irene Martin, who, according to her account, has been with the agency for at least 16 years, 13 years as a field supervisor.

When the HSI agents came to a scheduled meeting with a criminal immigrant under “Martin’s” supervision — the guy who supplied the guns for the San Bernardino terrorist attack, Enrique Marquez. Marquez and his “wife,” a woman with whom he has not ever lived, were a blatant case of immigration fraud, which Martin seemed determined not to “see”. Rather than assist the agents, Martin ran interference for the terrorist, doing all she could to stall the HSI criminal investigators and help “Marquez” and his “wife” get away.

Marquez and his Russian wife Mariya Chernykh were scheduled for an interview with Martin’s staff on Dec. 3, the day after Marquez’s friend Syed Rizwan Farook and his wife, Tashfeen Malik, killed 14 people at an office Christmas party.

Hey, Vibrancy is Our Diversity™. You Americans reading this, none of you was going to get off your dead ass and shoot those 14 people. It takes a couple of hard-working refugees or immigrants.

After the FBI learned Marquez allegedly supplied the guns, they sent five armed Homeland Security Investigation agents to the USCIS building to detain Marquez.

Martin refused to allow the agents access to Marquez.

Instead, what did she do?

…the report last week faulted her for making agents wait more than 90 minutes before she gave them access to related files on the suspected terrorist, and then she dismissively ordered them to hand copy files, according to the federal report. Agents told building security they intended to arrest Marquez to prevent him from killing anyone, but Martin had them wait 30 minutes just to see her.

She must have had a reason. Mustn’t she?

When questioned by IG investigators later, Martin repeatedly changed her story and also contradicted what other witnesses said.

So now she’s in trouble, right? If you lied about material facts, to Federal 1811 Criminal Investigators in the course of a criminal investigation, you could expect to be indicted, arrested, and see every newspaper in town retype the US Attorney’s press release about you. Your mother would not recognize the desperado in that press release. And that’s even if you just lied. How many successful Obstruction of Justice prosecutions have fact patterns this solid…? Help us out with that, lawyers in Federal criminal practice. Because we’re not lawyers, we might be missing something, but it looks to us like a “disposition case” — a slam-dunk prosecution.

So when will we get the press release on the indictment of Martin?


Jeff Carter, chief of media relations for USCIS, told late Monday that “to his knowledge there is no further investigation into Martin,” and her transfer become acting deputy district director was planned before the audit was released.

You’re right, she was promoted after obstructing a terrorism arrest. Because the promotion was planned already, and the Government never interrupts itself while making a colossal cock-up.

Maybe it wasn’t really that bad, what she did?

“When agents show up to CIS for a criminal investigation, they should never be impeded. That is obstruction of justice,” said Claude Arnold, retired special agent in charge for ICE’s Los Angeles bureau of Homeland Security Investigations.

“When interviewed by OIG, [Irene Martin] denied telling the agents they were not allowed to arrest, detain, or interview anyone in the building,” the report states. “However, her account is contradicted by that of the other HSI agents present.

“She also gave inconsistent answers about when she discovered that the HSI agents were investigating the shootings from the day prior….Either version is contradicted by the building security officer….”

Arnold said the allegations in the Inspector General’s report indicate criminality.

“It is pretty standard across the federal government that if someone engages in criminal misconduct related to their professional duties, it is also a removable offense,” he said.

The report notes Martin had no authority to hold up the agents who were justifiably concerned that Marquez and Chernykh may pose a threat to the occupants and visitors of the USCIS facility. Marquez, who is now in jail and awaiting trial on charges related to supplying the guns as well as marriage fraud, has pleaded not guilty.

OK, now Martin is obviously the worst (and usual) type of Federal bureaucrat: an eighth of a ton of lard, greed and attitude motivated solely by personal gain, self-aggrandizement, and turf protection. But why would she do this?

The lying is probably explained by the fact that she’s probably a Valuable Diversity Bean™ and therefore substantially less bright than the pretty-dim norm for her position and grade (even the old one; imagine what a disaster she’s going to be, promoted). But the underlying action? Why play games and score points, even if you let a participant in a violent crime go?

Because there’s a turf war in progress. This means absolutely nothing to the faceless millions of us who toil in the productive economy, but small indicators of status — like Martin making the HSI gang cool their heels for a half hour while she browsed Facebook or picked her nose — are a big thing to the overpaid, underworked Burke’s Peerage of GS grades. And HSI and CIS don’t get along.

Why don’t HSI and CIS get along? They were once part of the same bureaucracy, but the post 9/11 national security reorg, in which problems caused by too much incompetent bureaucracy and too many incompetent (or corrupt) bureaucrats like Martin were “solved’ by creating lots of new bureaucracies with room for lots more unaccountable bureaucrats. And ICE (HSI) and CIS spun off one another, both under the bloated, mismanaged Department of Homeland Security, and compete for resources. As a result, line employees often try to cooperate but are obstructed (that word again!) by managers at every level — including low-level drones like Irene Martin, who would be a WalMart cashier but for the fact that the government is an equal opportunity employer, not for race, creed or class, but primarily for ability.