Category Archives: Lord Love a Duck

“Battery dead? You’re a terrorist!” –TSA mongs

tsa checkpointAmerica’s laziest, stupidest government agency recently took a step into heights of incompetence never imagined by Laurence J. Peter, when they declared themselves inspectors of your cell phone. Apparently they aren’t fully occupied groping and fondling dwarves, and so the Devil has found work for all those idle blue-gloved hands.

If your phone won’t turn on, something ours wouldn’t do this morning because we didn’t plug it in last night, then You Just Might Be a Terrorist™ and the mighty mongs of the TSA won’t let you come home. Let the Europeans deal with your terrorist ass, and your dormant iPhone, apparently.

Travelers flying directly to the United States from overseas are being asked to turn on their cellphones and laptops before boarding their aircraft, officials said Sunday.

The security measure calls for passengers whose devices cannot be turned on — thus proving that they’re real — to be denied boarding.

The Transportation Security Administration announced the added layer of security, apparently in response to reports that terrorists are designing bombs hidden inside smartphones and laptops.

“As the traveling public knows, all electronic devices are screened by security officers,” the TSA said.

via TSA heightening security on cell phones and laptops | New York Post.

“Security officers.” Ha. That’s a laugh, for human dross recruited from the hard-left tail of the bell curve. They hire on for the promise of a few dollars, the valuables in travelers’ bags, and all the gropes for which pervs hope. No one good, decent, honest, competent, moral, ethical or intelligent has ever been employed at TSA in any capacity whatsoever.

Privates Popping Paper Pandas?

panda target

Note: not the Nork target, we found this on pinterest… it’s from an old archery set!

The event in the title could only happen in North Korea, where weirdness goes to metastasize. But according to Chosun Ilbo, a daily in South (i.e., non-weird, or maybe we should say, less-weird) Korea, the Norks are actually taking shots at panda targets, much the same way that DHS-HSI Special Agents practice on targets of pregnant women and kids, or kids shoot at zombie targets.

The North Korean Army reportedly used images of pandas as shooting targets when leader Kim Jong-un visited a military detachment in Hwa Island, South Hamgyong Province.

A source said on Thursday said Kim Jong-un arrived on the island by boat from Wonsan on Monday.

Kim watched a live-fire artillery drill there, the source added. “I heard from a senior officer from the detachment that they used images of pandas as shooting targets.”

Pandas are the national symbol of China and a sign of a friendly diplomatic relationship.

via The Chosun Ilbo (English Edition): Daily News from Korea – N.Korean Army Uses Pandas as Shooting Targets.

This seems to be saber-rattling in the direction of China, which is not only stupid, but has to mark the Kim dynasty as the greatest set of ingrates to ever sit upon a throne. They only have a country because of the sacrifices of millions of Chinese people, many of whom died far from home so that North Korea could not be free.

And this is how Kim repays them. The Kims are not only ingrates, it seems like their IQ undergoes some kind of reproductive mitosis, dividing in half every successive generation.

OT: Hairy-Armed Feminists Get Extra Credit

Breanna_FahsYou know we’re going to write some words about this, but really, words fail. But you don’t want to see the pictures. We’ll limit the collateral damage to your retinas and optic merves to that produced by a head and top-two-of-three-chins shot of the professor in question.

Female Arizona State University students can receive extra credit for defying social norms and refusing to shave for 10 weeks during the semester.

Women and Gender Studies Professor Breanne Fahs, encourages her female students to cease shaving their underarms and legs during the semester and document their experiences in a journal.

Student Stephanie Robinson said it was a “life changing experience.”

Participant and student Jaqueline Gonzalez said the experience allowed her to start on a path of activism.

“The experience helped me better understand how pervasive gendered socialization is in our culture. Furthermore, by doing this kind of activist project I was no longer an armchair activist theorizing in the classroom.” she said. “So much is learned by actually taking part in the theory or idea we learn in the classroom, and we could benefit from this type of pedagogy being taken up by similar classes.”

via University offers female students extra credit for not shaving their armpits.

In case you wondered why the recent college graduate you hired lacks an 8th Grade knowledge of history, science and especially math, this is part of why. Employers, you might want to file this one away for the day when some applicant shows up trying to trade on a fresh and shiny ASU degree. This class makes basket-weaving look academically rigorous.

Sure, it takes all kinds to make a world, but….

But don’t think that Professor Fahs discriminates against men. They can get extra credit in her content-free classes by bending their secondary sexual characteristics the opposite way and shaving off their armpit, chest and genital hairPresumably, she braids it into her own armpit wigs. Or has the students do it for her. For credit.

Is it just us, or is asking the sort of women who take Women and Gender Studies classes to grow armpit hair, kind of like asking bears to you-know-what in the woods? A picture of some of the participants in Fahs’s class is at the link — we spared you it here. The only way a guy would say “I’d hit that” is if he was holding a clue-by-four.

NIMBYs Never Sleep

Got my sparkle? On the hippies now.

“Jet, your target is way too many hippies.” “Tally hippies.” “Friendlies are south, make your runs from east or west, cleared to engage! Remain this frequency for BDA.”

Ah, yeah, rural Vermont, where gentrifying New Yorkers go to retire without being bankrupted by taxes, or murdered by The Diversity. And whose love for the peace and quiet is so great that they are making common cause with the “peace warriors” that they probably already knew in moonbat-marbled Manhattan. National defense? Half of them are flat against it, and the other half are just against it in their backyard.

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Opponents of a plan to base 18 F-35 fighter planes at Vermont’s Burlington International Airport say the decision should be overturned because of noise, a loss of property values around the airport and the remote possibility one of the planes could crash.

Those are some of the arguments in the lawsuit filed on Monday asking a federal judge to overturn an Air Force decision to base the planes in South Burlington.

Air Force and Vermont National Guard officials say they are unable to comment about the lawsuit.

Among the issues in the lawsuit is that the planes are too loud and they would make more neighborhoods around the airport in South Burlington “incompatible with residential use.”

via Vermont F-35 foes file suit to block deployment.

Hey, if you don’t want to hear airplanes, dumb-ass, don’t build or buy your house in “neighborhoods around the airport.” There was a reason that price seemed too good to be true, genius.

(For what it’s worth, Hog Manor is under the downwind leg for the nearby ex-SAC base, which still hosts a number of KC-135s and both active and reserve aviators who fly the big tankers. They pass overhead at about 1000-2000′ AGL all the time. We think it’s awesome. Jets: the sound of freedom!)

We can understand how some Vermonters might not see it that way, when their idea of freedom usually involves drugs and cow-tipping. Hey, it’s a free country. It has to deploy fighters within reach of its ADIZ. Those two may have some points of correlation, if you think about it.

Our guess is that this lawsuit, given the weakness of its arguments, is not long for the courts. Maybe Ben and Jerry can make a new flavor afterward: Tears of NIMBYs. We’d hit that!

Wayward Python Slithers Home… after 28 Years

When the police didn’t soon solve a storage-unit burglary in Phoenix in 1985, the owners of two stolen guns — an engraved Colt Python and a GI 1911A1 — resigned themselves to the fact that they’d never see them again.

For the 1911, that remains true. But look what showed up last year in a Nashville armed robbery:

Wayward Python


Yes, despite interim possession by the criminal class, the Python was recovered little the worse for wear — “not a scratch on it,” the owner confirms. It is a little out of time, probably from generations of cons dry-firing it. (Pythons are very prone to timing problems). The picture and story came from this thread at Reddit. Some of the owner’s comments:

I posted this in /r/pics when I first started with Reddit, well before I learned of gunnit – I thought you might like to see it too. It was stolen out of a Phoenix storage unit in 1985 during a move – long story short, it was recovered in Nashville after being used in an armed robbery – perp pled guilty, cops didn’t need it for evidence, and they returned it to its home. Still missing a Korean War vintage 1911 stolen at the same time. Maybe I will try and dig up some photos and see if Gunnit can help me find it.

…my dad liked the engravings, and we have a lot of handguns that have a similar look. This came back to us in perfect condition – amazingly not a scratch on it.

The wheel is a little out of time, which can happen to these after a lot of use. I imagine it was possibly dry fired hundreds of times while some dude sat on a sofa watching tv

A good Mesa cop followed up and searched us out when the main guy over the case decided he couldn’t find us.

As far as the original burglars escaping justice, we wouldn’t sweat it. The police only close a small percentage of burglaries, because burglars are the most prolific of violent criminals, but the cops arrest all burglars sooner or later.

Don’t you guys just love a happy ending?

Security Theater, Defense Contracting Edition

This is the offending magazine

This is the offending magazine.

We’ve recently been warned of a deadly threat to the Republic: Forbes magazine.

We were a bit taken aback by that, as we’ve thought the magazine has come to, well, stink, since old Malcolm croaked, but we didn’t think it was that bad. Turns out, it is, kinda:

For those who are avid readers of Forbes Magazine, this month’s issue is not authorized in areas that process classified information, secure rooms or vaults.

Introduction of this magazine into areas where classified information is processed, stored, secure rooms or vaults will constitute a security incident.

The most recent issue of Forbes magazine has a special Dell advertisement section that contains a small computer. The advertisement section is located right after page 32 and has a video display with two on/off switches.

The ad in question.

The ad in question.

Pressing either of the switches starts a video. A miniature circuit board with a small microprocessor, a removable micro-SD card, mini-USB port, speakers, and a lithium-Ion battery are hidden behind the page. While the advertisement and associated components appear innocuous, it is still considered an Information Security (IS) device and must be handled accordingly.

This is not the first time a magazine containing an IS device has been circulated. Last year it was a Wi-Fi router device. Please be alert for similar situations in the future and report such discoveries as appropriate.

Well, what are you going to do about that? Turns out, our organization’s sergeant major had the situation well in hand:

I just set a small hare of C4 on my Forbes Magazine and destroyed it.

Gotta love the direct approach. Fire in the security breach!

The guts of the in-ad computer. The security guy's job just got way harder -- this won't be the last one.

The guts of the in-ad computer. It has everything a classical computer has: RAM, processor, I/O, storage. You really don’t want stuff like this in your SCIF.

In all seriousness, we also heard the components of the computerized ad are made in China. That’s a real confidence-builder there. If you do have a facility clearance and did indeed take a copy of this issue of Forbes in there, even the sergeant-major’s direct approach doesn’t spare you the need to report a, “security incident” to your DSS rep. Having been through one of those with a Livescribe pen inadvertently introduced into a conference room at Los Alamos National Labs, we can tell you it’s a lot of unpleasant work for a lot of people.

Every security guy’s job just got markedly harder, even though that surely wasn’t the intent of the advertisers. This may have been the first such computer-stuffed advertisement, but you can bet that this won’t be the last one, either.

“Mini-Me, you complete me.” – the TSA

Not hard to figure out who’s the villain here, as little actor Vern Troyer, best known for his role in the Austin Powers films, gets the blue-gloves-where-the-sun-don’t-shine treatment from the fine folks at the TSA:



For crying out loud, he’s just an actor who played an evil guy. (He’s probably a perfectly nice fellow in person). Does this mean they’re waterboarding Sacha Baron Cohen for the secrets of the nuclear WMD programs of Wadiya?

Well, it is the TSA. No one good, decent, honest, competent, moral or ethical has ever been employed at TSA in any capacity whatsoever.

Live Free or Live in Massachusetts: Fireworks Ban

fireworks_imageYou have to admit, they didn’t just go Nanny, they went Full Nanny. Among the things banned in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts are those deadly weapons, fireworks. Firecrackers, roman candles, even sparklers: the state’s authorities live in dread that some Bay State bairn might grow up without irrational fear of these, and so they enforce a ban with a heavy hand.

If you want fireworks, Peasant, you can go to the Boston 4th of July display, or you can bootleg your own from New Hampshire (which is also, thanks to lower prices and no sales tax, the best place for a Bay State subject to buy almost anything else). Indeed, if you just want to see fireworks, there’s a display nearly as good as Boston’s July 4th display every Wednesday at Hampton Beach, and on the 4th NH goes all-out. (Of course, Boston bluenoses find Hampton trashy, their word for blue-collar).

But the Commonwealth is working a two-edged campaign against fireworks scofflaws, and fireworks control promises to be effective as Boston’s gun control, which has disarmed everyone except any armed criminals.

Massachusetts’ Department of Transportation is helping law enforcement officials get the word out to motorists to not break the law by bringing fireworks into or through the state, State Fire Marshal Stephen D. Coan said in a statement issued last week.

You may have seen MassDOT message boards displaying a message over the weekend reminding motorists that fireworks are illegal in Massachusetts – the boards will have that same message June 27-29 and July 3-6.

When state and local police making a motor vehicle stop also discover fireworks, they are required to confiscate the fireworks. In addition, there are fines for the illegal possession and for the sale of fireworks.

via Massachusetts State Agencies Warn Motorists against Transporting Illegal Fireworks into the State – Police & Fire – Hingham, MA Patch.

The “informational” campaign is not always honest — for example, the State tells people their homeowners insurance doesn’t cover them, but insurers admit it does — but it’s not their only campaign. They also target MA plates returning south from NH border crossings for stops, searching for fireworks with trumped-up probable cause or none at all. (They also seize booze bought in cheaper NH. The State Troopers usually manage to leave the booze off their reports and it’s never seen again. Any guesses?)

And in past years, they’ve even surveilled fireworks businesses in border towns, reporting MA plates back to waiting State Police, not all of whom would rather hassle fireworks buyers than support public safety, but they have to do what they’re told.

So how dangerous are fireworks, anyway? Well, the Fed actually collects that data, through the Consumer Product Safety Commission. The most recent data’s from 2012, and the methodology is pretty questionable (they pulled data from “news clippings and other sources,” for example), but you gotta dance with the data you came with.

In 2012, there were six fireworks fatalities to nonprofessionals nationwide. To put that in perspective, there were 28 deaths from lightning strikes (and the NOAA data seems incomplete). The kinds of fireworks deaths were of interest, though:

In the first incident, a 17-year-old male died of injuries sustained when a sparkler bomb that he and his friend made exploded. In the second incident, a 30-year-old male died of severe facial injuries six days after a mortar- type of firework ignited in his face. In the third incident, a 26-year-old male perished when an illegal 1.3G aerial firework device1 exploded. In the fourth incident, a 60-year-old male died of blunt force trauma when a homemade firework detonated unexpectedly. In the fifth incident, a 30-year-old male suffered severe injuries when explosions destroyed his house while he was making illegal fireworks, and he succumbed five days later. In the sixth incident, a 61-year-old male died at the scene when he ignited a professional-grade firework device while holding its fuse.

Of these, only the second incident seems to have possibly been with a user of over-the-counter fireworks. The others involve Darwin paying a visit to those abusing professional fireworks or trying to kitbash their own. At a certain level, you are not making an illegal firework, you are making an illegal explosive, and you are treading on ground regulated by the BATFE. (Remember the E?).

The CPSC estimates 8,700 ER visits, but the most common injury was burned hands, and 85% of those injured were treated in the ER and not admitted to the hospital. However, when the CPSC investigated what they thought were the 38 most serious injuries from recreational fireworks, they found some of the flaws in their data: one of them was an injury to a fireworks professional, and three more weren’t even fireworks-related. So that’s a data-rot level of 10.6% right from the beginning.

Of the 34 serious fireworks injuries, most expected full recovery, and most were, like the fatalities, from abusing the products. Imagine that. Most injuries of all kinds were caused by firecrackers, sparklers, and bottle rockets. The premium multiple-tube fireworks and novelties that are the bread-and-butter of NH fireworks shops accounted for less than 10% of injuries.

Massachusetts is one of only four states that still bans consumer fireworks. The nationwide trend is towards liberalization of laws, and in New England, NH has liberalized already liberal laws, Maine has liberalized its laws, and Rhode Island has overturned its complete ban. And as the laws have loosened, the deaths and injuries have declined (.pdf file), perhaps because consumers have safer options.

Now, that’s something to light fireworks over. If you’re not under the boot heel of Massachusetts.

All you need to know about Hollywood values

Tim Kavanaugh at National Review Online notes:

There have been fifteen Congressional Medals of Honor awarded in this new century, and yet the soldier who will apparently be featured in two different Hollywood films is Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.

Variety reports:

Kathryn Bigelow and writer-producer Mark Boal are planning a movie based on recently released U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.

The project would be produced through Boal’s recently launched Page 1 production company, backed by Megan Ellison’s Annapurna Pictures.

Separately, Fox Searchlight has acquired movie rights to “America’s Last Prisoner Of War,” written by the late Michael Hastings, with Todd Field (“In The Bedroom”) attached to direct and produce. Hastings’ story was published in 2012 by Rolling Stone while Bergdahl was still a prisoner of the Taliban.

via Two Bergdahl Movies In the Works, And They Both Might Be Good | National Review Online.

Kavanaugh thinks that the movies about the turncoat “might both be good.” Judging from the creators’ past output, and their general contempt of the military, giving them Bergdahl as a hero is going to lead to no such thing. (Mark Boal, for instance, came up making those Iraq war atrocity movies that hit the multiplex and tanked every week in the mid-oughts).

Of course, these are the same folks for whom every Catholic priest is a kiddie diddler, while they give awards to members of their own guilds who are, in fact, kiddie diddlers.

One Giant Step towards Unilateral Nuclear Disarmament

This three-reentry-vehicle warhead was once standard on Minuteman III missiles. As part of a policy of unilateral disarmament, the MIRVs have been taken out of service.

This three-reentry-vehicle warhead was once standard on Minuteman III missiles. Each warhead could be aimed at a different target. As part of a policy of unilateral disarmament, the MIRVs have been taken out of service.

The United States has met a second strategic goal of the Soviet Union Russian Empire Federation. After giving them the unilateral cancellation of European missile defense, the United States has now unilaterally de-MIRVed its ground-based missiles. This serves no United States security purpose, but does please entities with one kind of relationship to the United States: enemies, foreign and domestic.

MIRVs are Multiple Independently Targetable (re-entry) Vehicles, multiple warheads on a single missile. They complicate a potential adversary’s defensive strategy and decrease his confidence in being able to execute a first strike without retaliation.

Eliminating the MIRVs is a political, not military, decision that makes the missiles less of a threat to any opponent or potential enemy (especially a sophisticated enemy), and is destabilizing, encouraging rogue states to attempt a first strike. But politically, this sets up for the third strategic goal, complete elimination of the now-obsolete single-warhead missiles. The Nuclear Threat Initiative, an anti-nuclear*, left-wing group, crows:

The United States this week finished altering its ground-based, long-range nuclear missiles to each carry just one warhead, the Great Falls Tribune reports.

Crews carried out the final modification of an intercontinental ballistic missile at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana, the newspaper reported on Wednesday. The service implemented the alterations under a nuclear-arms pact with Russia.

The New START strategic arms-control treaty called for the change to the nation’s Minuteman 3 ICBMs, which were previously able to carry three “Multiple Independently Targetable Re-entry Vehicles.” The United States maintains roughly 450 of the missiles, deployed at the Montana facility and at bases in North Dakota and Wyoming.

“This was the last Minuteman 3 in the Air Force to be ‘deMIRVed,’ and this is a major milestone in meeting the force structure numbers to comply with the New START requirements,” Steve Ray, a member of Air Force Global Strike Command’s missile maintenance division, said in a released comment.

“This is historic because we’ve had MIRVs in the field for more than 40 years, since 1970 when the first Minuteman 3 came on alert,” Ray said.

In its 2010 Nuclear Posture Review, the Obama administration said “deMIRVing” the weapons would “enhance the stability of the nuclear balance by reducing the incentives for either side to strike first.”

via U.S. Eliminates Multi-Warheads on All Ground-Based Nuclear Missiles | Global Security Newswire | NTI.

MIRVs do remain in service on submarine launched ballistic missiles, for the time being. But there are fewer missiles, and fewer subs, than there were five years ago, and there will be fewer still by the time a new president and national security team is sworn in.

Even if the incumbents don’t decide the SLBM MIRVs too must go, to please international counterparties and their domestic collaborationists and fifth columnists.

There may yet be political fallout from the executive decision to unilaterally disarm ground-based MIRVs. In 2012, Secretary of State Kerry promised at least one Senator that no further unilateral cuts would be made, but most Senators have been there long enough to have served with Kerry and already have no illusions about what his promise is worth.

*NTI is “anti-nuclear” as far as American nuclear weapons and nuclear allies. Not anti-war, just on the other side.